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is it better to have kids young or wait?

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magically_delicious

, California

#76

Apr 19, 2008 @ 03:39:27

I belive in having kids when you are done with the stuff you want to do as an individual. This to me means not having kids when you are in your teens or real early 20s. Wait till you have a degree and work experience and money. I want to own my own home and have a career laid out for me so that I am not only financially but mentally stable. This is because I want to provide everything for my child, I'm not going to send him/her to daycare everyday, and I'm going to stay home. The thing I hate the most is the women who give their child to their parents every day or rely on their parents for financial support. Your parents just spent the last couple decades of their lives supporting you, it's totally not fair to be unprepared and lay that responsibility on them.

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

#77

Apr 19, 2008 @ 04:10:55

one of my favorite things as a kid was 'helping' my mom with her homework... she'd have all these huge books around her with strange-looking anatomy pictures (she went for nursing)... it just amazed me as a kid when she would tell me about what the pictures we showing...

its true that not all people in their early twenties are ready for it... but if the person is mentally ready, id say that its better not to have your entire life mapped out before the kids come into it...

x_Laura_x

Nowhere, United Kingdom

#78

Apr 19, 2008 @ 09:50:41

I'm sorta on the fence with this one, I've not really got a complete opinion.

Waiting until you can afford them is good enough, but what if you wait until it's too late? I do think that having children at a really young age would make you miss out on a lot though, maybe some valuable lessons learnt, like someone else said

There's quite a bit of stigma attached to having a parent who is considerably older, I don't know why, but that's the case. Older parents aren't as likely to be able to get up and run after their kids, like someone in say, their 20's or 30's (given that they are in good health, and not the size of a house, like Treacle said

) would be able to. I think the kid would miss out

There's gonna be irresponsible parents of all ages, we read about it all the time in the papers, so it's not really a valid statement to say that younger parents are less responsible for their children than older parents are.

I don't know when, or if, I want to have children, but if I do, I'll want it to be a time where it feels right, age regardless I suppose.

hedkandi1984_21

London, United Kingdom

#79

Apr 19, 2008 @ 11:37:15

@aceuvclubs Said
I think the best time to have kids is when you're financially stable enough to handle the responsibility that comes with attending to their needs

That's what I was going to say!

I will not be having kids until I'm at least 30, I've already decided that. My mum didn't have me and my sister until she was 32 and both my aunts were nearly 40 when they had their kids. They all taught me about fulfilling your own potential before you get stuck with kids. Kids take up so much of your life and there's so much responsibility - I definitely don't want that now! I want to finish my degree, get a good job and travel around the world. Kids would stop me from doing all that.

jazzy2002

Deleted

, United States (general)

#80

Apr 19, 2008 @ 15:29:23

I was 21 when I had my first son. I agree that it is best to be financially stable first, but having children, for some actually teach you how to become financially stable. I always thought myself good with money, but having a child actually taught me the meaning of having money and not to squander away on useless/invaluable buys. Beyond a popular understanding, young children are fairly inexpensive to provide for. The harder financial burden comes with an ill/specially cared for child, daycare and formula. The consideration for family should be made around stable relationships.
In any case, when I had my son I thought I would be missing out on this or that, but what did I really miss out on? Parties, drugs, sex, alcohol? I am better off for having him so early. I am also seeing older couples having children that feel like their lives have been stripped away because they can't socialize like they planned or wanted and I can say I already did that, my children are self sufficient, and it frees me up to do what I want when the other couples can't.
It's not for everyone and there are hardships that will come at any time. Just don't patronize a young one for having a child. Instead teach them how to embrace their parenthood and appreciate a child.

lazy_boy

San Antonio, Texas

#81

Apr 19, 2008 @ 15:54:58

i think people should wait... butig=f they are really in luv then they should. but its up to them

lisa431

portland, Oregon

#82

Apr 19, 2008 @ 23:17:54

I think that having children to young is not a good thing. I had my daughter when I was 23 and I wish I would have waited until I was several years older, like 30. I have found that there are things I didn't get to do as a young adult. Also now that I'm older I feel I'm more educated, and more stable in my life. I believe if I would have waited I would be a better parent.

missymoose

Idaho SPrings, Colorado

#83

Apr 19, 2008 @ 23:25:16

Not at all...!Not till your fully prepared...It is the hardest job you'll ever do, and You will have regrets. Things you should have done, not done,made them do or not do. The Biggest responsible in your LIFE......

garfunkel

my beautiful rescue

Deleted

Sydney, Australia

#84

Apr 20, 2008 @ 04:30:53

Whenever the parent is mature enough to handle the responsibilities. I don't think it has a lot to do with age, there are great parents out there that aren't young and great ones that are fairly young. I believe it comes down to maturity

charger

bricktown,

#85

Apr 20, 2008 @ 05:27:59

I am kinda glad i dont have an answer to this question!
I never really wanted kids!

sometimes i think theres something wrong with me because of this, other times i feel very
lucky i have this outlook! oh, well...

aella

, United Kingdom

#86

Apr 20, 2008 @ 06:59:57

I find this a difficult one to answer.

I had my children very young, first at 15 second at 17, It wasn't ideal, i became a single mum and due to not being financially stable and not wanting to recieve benefits i worked really hard and a good friend looked after the children during work hours. I wanted to prove that i could cope but i missed out on alot of the childrens younger years that i cant get back.

We have an amazing relationship now, my daughter is 18, my son 16 today, they tell me alot that their friends are jealous of how close and open we are with one another, they love having a 'young' mum.
But alot of my friends now of my age group ( 33) are just starting to have their families, they are financially stable so have more time to enjoy being a parent and have experienced so much more than i did.
They are in good relationships etc...something i havent experienced as i haven't had time for men and now i have been single too long to go for proper relationships, you get stuck in your ways.

I don't agree with the social stigma thats attatched to teen mums, that they raise tearaways and rely on benefits all their lives, its all bull, yes some see having kids as a means to money on tap and housing but we aren't all that way inclined, im now financially secure own my own house and achieved all that alone, it can be done.

But if asked if i would do it all again? i really don't know..i love the relationship that i have with my kids but its been so hard, mentally and emotionally. But parenthood is hard work whatever age you are but it's so rewarding too.

My dad was in his late 40's when he had me and we never had the closeness that i have with my kids ( but he had issues as a parent anyway so may not have been age related).

teddybear4593

Deleted

San Antonio, Texas

#87

Apr 20, 2008 @ 07:22:26

@lazy_boy Said
i think people should wait... but if they are really in luv then they should. but its up to them

I agree wit my baby....if they are not in luv they shouldnt cuz then it might not work out...but if they are then they could....but it is truly up to them.....

bellestrange

Coo Coo Kachoo

South Australia, Australia

#88

Apr 20, 2008 @ 07:31:48

@aella Said
I find this a difficult one to answer.

I had my children very young, first at 15 second at 17, It wasn't ideal, i became a single mum and due to not being financially stable and not wanting to recieve benefits i worked really hard and a good friend looked after the children during work hours. I wanted to prove that i could cope but i missed out on alot of the childrens younger years that i cant get back.

We have an amazing relationship now, my daughter is 18, my son 16 today, they tell me alot that their friends are jealous of how close and open we are with one another, they love having a 'young' mum.
But alot of my friends now of my age group ( 33) are just starting to have their families, they are financially stable so have more time to enjoy being a parent and have experienced so much more than i did.
They are in good relationships etc...something i havent experienced as i haven't had time for men and now i have been single too long to go for proper relationships, you get stuck in your ways.

I don't agree with the social stigma thats attatched to teen mums, that they raise tearaways and rely on benefits all their lives, its all bull, yes some see having kids as a means to money on tap and housing but we aren't all that way inclined, im now financially secure own my own house and achieved all that alone, it can be done.

But if asked if i would do it all again? i really don't know..i love the relationship that i have with my kids but its been so hard, mentally and emotionally. But parenthood is hard work whatever age you are but it's so rewarding too.

My dad was in his late 40's when he had me and we never had the closeness that i have with my kids ( but he had issues as a parent anyway so may not have been age related).

Good on you for putting your best foot forward and working to get what you want.

I agree the stigma on single mums is unfair but unfortunately there are more people that do this (have kids as a means to get out of working) than those who want a better life for themselves and are willing to work hard to achieve things.

Edited: April 20, 2008 @ 07:32

aella

, United Kingdom

#89

Apr 20, 2008 @ 07:42:25

@bellestrange Said

I agree the stigma on single mums is unfair but unfortunately there are more people that do this (have kids as a means to get out of working) than those who want a better life for themselves and are willing to work hard to achieve things.

I know...my son knows a couple of girls at his school who have said their friends are mad to stay on to sit alevels or go out to work, their ambitions in life are to ' have a couple of kids, get a house and money so they can enjoy life'

the amount of money and the free housing that people get means that parenthood is about this and not about the children and thats where the trouble lies when these children grow up.

ruthio03

SHEFF, United Kingdom

#90

Apr 20, 2008 @ 23:03:41

wait till your older.. if u like to party its no good wen uve got kids unless u can get rid of them for the wk end! but saying that i'll probably still b goin wen im in my 40s so its up 2 u!!

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