Teens and the I think I'm grown attitude.. And parents are being too soft on their kids..

, New York

Aug 26, 2012 @ 18:52:13

I understand kids are going to do things not matter how good a parent is.. but to me its about being open minded and having common sense..

There are parents who cover and make excuses for their teen children its ridiculous...

At a certain age teens have this thing where they think they are adults and know everything.. They believe they grown and can take on the world and everything in their head is so simple..

Example my sister in law:
Shes 16
She has a boyfriend and i personally dont think its ok to have a boyfriend at that age but realisticly speaking they are going to date regardless of what we think

I spoke to my father in law and told him he has to under stand that
but to in force a set of rules.. like ..
Curfew, allowing the boy to come over being under their supervision, not allowing her in his home, and school before anything otherwise in force discipline.. he didnt listen..

So now shes neglecting school
coming home w.e. time she wants. once at 12 am
constantly in his house
and is super disrespectful and say idc what you say im going to do what ever i want.. and as she says she does...

0

DivineBeautii

, New York

#2

Aug 26, 2012 @ 19:00:10

I understand kids are going to do things not matter how good a parent is.. but to me its about being open minded and having common sense..

There are parents who cover and make excuses for their teen children its ridiculous...

At a certain age teens have this thing where they think they are adults and know everything.. They believe they grown and can take on the world and everything in their head is so simple..

Example my sister in law:
Shes 16
She has a boyfriend and i personally dont think its ok to have a boyfriend at that age but realisticly speaking they are going to date regardless of what we think

I spoke to my father in law and told him he has to under stand that
but to in force a set of rules.. like ..
Curfew, allowing the boy to come over being under their supervision, not allowing her in his home, and school before anything otherwise in force discipline.. he didnt listen..

So now shes neglecting school
coming home w.e. time she wants. once at 12 am
constantly in his house
and is super disrespectful and says idc what you say im going to do what ever i want.. cusses and as she says she does...

What gets me soo upset is that shes spoiled she gets everyhing she wants. Every pair of Jordans expensive clothes and for her to treat her father like that gets me so mad..

So he came to me for advice. I told him str8 up shes a lost case now he can't stop her she'll do worst if he trys
soooooo

i told him stop buy her things she thinks shes grown by all means treat her like she is. Dont buy her anything nothing at all not even a pair of sock and underwear.. Let her work for it..
Find a job or do things the right way..
By all means shes still under your roof so she either respects curfew and have consideration and respect for his home or kick her out..
Thats what i would do anyway.. Boot camp would be the first stop..
I'd be damned...

In my eyes tough love goes a long way..

0

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

#3

Aug 26, 2012 @ 19:01:22

Well, from the sounds of things, it woldn't matter if he did set rules or try to enforce them; she's not going to listen.

0

DiscordTiger

The Queen of Random

Administrator

Emerald City, United States (g

#4

Aug 26, 2012 @ 19:03:46

Yeah, one thread is really enough. I'm merging them.

0

Dark_Tink

<3 Boobie <3

, Canada

#5

Aug 26, 2012 @ 19:31:31

I can see things not going well very soon for her. I do hope someone can make her see sense before it's too late for her.

Too many parents want to be their kids friends. Is it any wonder that some teens now-a-days run amuck and have no respect for their parents and other adults? I know this is not so in all cases, since with some teens, no matter what you do, they're going to be stubborn asshats and not listen.

I get along great with my kids and have a good bond with my teenager. But my oldest knows I am her mom BEFORE I'm her friend.

My daughter is 17 and has a boyfriend. He's a really nice and respectful guy. I have every confidence that she is not going to be irresponsible when it comes to certain things(we have had MANY good talk sessions) and I know she will makes mistake...since we all do...but she won't be 'going down the wrong path' in life.

She has a curfew, house rules and chores that she knows cannot be thrown aside or ignored. Except for reminding her to do certain chores, she knows home and family comes first.

Things are not perfect, since, well, she is 17 and finding her way in the world and we do butt heads. But overall she is a great kid, has her head on straight and is planning her future/career already.

0

DivineBeautii

, New York

#6

Aug 26, 2012 @ 20:37:25

@Dark_Tink Said

I can see things not going well very soon for her. I do hope someone can make her see sense before it's too late for her.

Too many parents want to be their kids friends. Is it any wonder that some teens now-a-days run amuck and have no respect for their parents and other adults? I know this is not so in all cases, since with some teens, no matter what you do, they're going to be stubborn asshats and not listen.

I get along great with my kids and have a good bond with my teenager. But my oldest knows I am her mom BEFORE I'm her friend.

My daughter is 17 and has a boyfriend. He's a really nice and respectful guy. I have every confidence that she is not going to be irresponsible when it comes to certain things(we have had MANY good talk sessions) and I know she will makes mistake...since we all do...but she won't be 'going down the wrong path' in life.

She has a curfew, house rules and chores that she knows cannot be thrown aside or ignored. Except for reminding her to do certain chores, she knows home and family comes first.

Things are not perfect, since, well, she is 17 and finding her way in the world and we do butt heads. But overall she is a great kid, has her head on straight and is planning her future/career already.

I agree like i said i wouldnt buy her a thing...
Treat her the way she wants to be treat she would have to pay rent buy her own things and i doubt she going to finish school shes already thinking about dropping out taking a ged shes 16 and in 9th grade (just graduating 8th)
but i dont blame her more her parents

like i said i'd be damned if i go thru this with mine scares me though you know.. I dont have the patients for it

0

DivineBeautii

, New York

#7

Aug 26, 2012 @ 20:38:07

@DiscordTiger Said

Yeah, one thread is really enough. I'm merging them.

wasnt meant to be two threads didnt notice it was two till now

0

DivineBeautii

, New York

#8

Aug 26, 2012 @ 20:40:19

@sTreetAngeL Said

Well, from the sounds of things, it woldn't matter if he did set rules or try to enforce them; she's not going to listen.

yeah i couldnt deal with it as cold as it sounds i'd probably kick her out before i watch her destroy herself

1

Dark_Tink

<3 Boobie <3

, Canada

#9

Aug 26, 2012 @ 21:14:53

@DivineBeautii Said

yeah i couldnt deal with it as cold as it sounds i'd probably kick her out before i watch her destroy herself

She's acting like an unruly little child at 16 because...and I'm just guessing here...good parenting wasn't done when she WAS a little child.

If they learn at an early age certain behaviours/attitudes will NOT be tolerated, they don't do so when they are older. Excluding kids with behavioral problems(ADHD, Autism, etc.), since the that has to be handled differently.

0

Tar

San Antonio, Texas

#10

Aug 27, 2012 @ 02:33:36

@DivineBeautii Said

I understand kids are going to do things not matter how good a parent is.. but to me its about being open minded and having common sense..

There are parents who cover and make excuses for their teen children its ridiculous...

At a certain age teens have this thing where they think they are adults and know everything.. They believe they grown and can take on the world and everything in their head is so simple..

Example my sister in law:
Shes 16
She has a boyfriend and i personally dont think its ok to have a boyfriend at that age but realisticly speaking they are going to date regardless of what we think

I spoke to my father in law and told him he has to under stand that
but to in force a set of rules.. like ..
Curfew, allowing the boy to come over being under their supervision, not allowing her in his home, and school before anything otherwise in force discipline.. he didnt listen..

So now shes neglecting school
coming home w.e. time she wants. once at 12 am
constantly in his house
and is super disrespectful and says idc what you say im going to do what ever i want.. cusses and as she says she does...

What gets me soo upset is that shes spoiled she gets everyhing she wants. Every pair of Jordans expensive clothes and for her to treat her father like that gets me so mad..

So he came to me for advice. I told him str8 up shes a lost case now he can't stop her she'll do worst if he trys
soooooo

i told him stop buy her things she thinks shes grown by all means treat her like she is. Dont buy her anything nothing at all not even a pair of sock and underwear.. Let her work for it..
Find a job or do things the right way..
By all means shes still under your roof so she either respects curfew and have consideration and respect for his home or kick her out..
Thats what i would do anyway.. Boot camp would be the first stop..
I'd be damned...

In my eyes tough love goes a long way..

The parents are imbeciles. Children are a direct result of parenting and if this 16 year old is as far out as you are expressing, it simply means that the father and mother are utter failures.

Do not bother concerning yourself with her. She will self destruct. Your concern is to learn from the mistakes of her parents and ensure that you do not make the same mistake when it is your responsibility, in essence, make sure you don't do the same thing when it comes to your child.

Remember that "tough love" is not particularly good in that "tough" can be a justification of abuse. You need to draw the distinction between love of the child and love of the self. The parents in this case obviously love themselves more than they loved their child. Why? because they "spoiled" her with gifts. That is effectively buying affection without earning it. To earn the affection of a child when you are a parent is to do it with guidance, wisdom, patience, time and energy, not gifts.

The parents obviously did not love the child enough to spend the time to offer their guidance, wisdom, patience, energy etc. They took the short cut much like the difference between a home cooked meal and McDonalds. This child has now grown into an adult on a diet of emotional Big Macs and not home cooked food for the soul. She'll suffer the consequences of her parents' ineptitude

Just make sure you don't follow suit.

Learn from their idiocy

0

JR_Sanford

Portland (St. Johns), Oregon

#11

Aug 27, 2012 @ 07:37:43

@DivineBeautii Said

I understand kids are going to do things not matter how good a parent is.. but to me its about being open minded and having common sense..

There are parents who cover and make excuses for their teen children its ridiculous...

At a certain age teens have this thing where they think they are adults and know everything.. They believe they grown and can take on the world and everything in their head is so simple..

Example my sister in law:
Shes 16
She has a boyfriend and i personally dont think its ok to have a boyfriend at that age but realisticly speaking they are going to date regardless of what we think

I spoke to my father in law and told him he has to under stand that
but to in force a set of rules.. like ..
Curfew, allowing the boy to come over being under their supervision, not allowing her in his home, and school before anything otherwise in force discipline.. he didnt listen..

So now shes neglecting school
coming home w.e. time she wants. once at 12 am
constantly in his house
and is super disrespectful and say idc what you say im going to do what ever i want.. and as she says she does...

Privileges are bestowed with proven accepted behaviors.
Policies are enforced by restrictions of privileges.
Policies in effect are as following:
1. Grades kept to "B" or better.
2. Homework done right after dinner. Parental help if needed.
3. Room clean at all times.
4. Chores done in a timely manner.
5. Respect elders (parents included) no backtalk.
6. Bedtime a) School nights 9:30pm b) Weekends 10:30pm

Privileges can be any or all of the following:
1. Computer access (other than homework)
2. Cell phone access (after 16 years old) restricted after bedtime
3. Driving privilege at 16 with 3.5 or better GPA
4. Bed time can get later as long as grades aren't affected.
5. Television will be limited no matter what
6. Allowance of $2 per day (can be fined for infractions)

There would be an open dialog between Parents and Children where feelings are discussed and disputes are aired without fear of retaliation. All this is to give the kids a sense of responsibility also a lesson in cause and effect.

J.R.

0

rosexthorn

Winnipeg, Canada

#12

Aug 27, 2012 @ 16:43:45

In my opinion children are being way too harsh on their parents . They just don't own up to anything they do, it's always [well, my mom/dad did this and that to me] and that's the reason I'm the way I am. Just a cop out so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions or words, just blame the parents.. Then when or if they get married they can blame their spouse and later their own children and never have to take one iota of responsibility in their lives. What an awesome life for that type of mentality....

1

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

#13

Aug 27, 2012 @ 19:50:09

@rosexthorn Said

In my opinion children are being way too harsh on their parents . They just don't own up to anything they do, it's always [well, my mom/dad did this and that to me] and that's the reason I'm the way I am. Just a cop out so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions or words, just blame the parents.. Then when or if they get married they can blame their spouse and later their own children and never have to take one iota of responsibility in their lives. What an awesome life for that type of mentality....

So true! Then you have the ones whom, when the parents correct them they call law enforcement (wrongfully) to try and control the parent! - If I had a kid which pulled that crap on me I'd put them in a f***ing orphanage!

1

ReAdSaLoT

,

#14

Aug 28, 2012 @ 02:49:42

16 and in the 8th grade tells me a lot. Expectations weren't put on her early enough or perhaps they were and she needed more help. I blame some parents, not all for not following through. It's very hard to work a full time job (both parents are usually working now in this economy) and keep tabs on what the kids are doing.
They need some sort of a way to follow through on what they expect of their children; a support system.
It seems that parents have become afraid of "tough love".
I asked my son why he never misbehaved in school and got good grades, his response, "Mom, if you didn't kill me someone else in the family would give me what for." That meant:
No rides
No allowance
No new clothes
A lousy Christmas
No birthday party
And "Mom's evil eye".
I was not always there to supervise, but he knew somebody would be. Guilt can be a good thing, and no he was not perfect.
I'm still struggling with 16 in 8th grade. I was 17 when I graduated. Something's very wrong with this picture.

0

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