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how bout sum people rate this intro to an essay i wrote

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KulliK357 On July 15, 2013
Sausage Snowman





Dingwall,Scotland, United King
#1New Post! Nov 10, 2007 @ 18:36:19
The problem of homeless people in Scotland is reaching its worst point in years. But why is this the case is it drugs, alcohol or laziness no it not its loss of accommodation, dispute within household or harassment violence or unsafe environments the standard bum stereotype is rubbish very very few cases of homelessness due to alcoholism have been recorded.
I believe that the government should do more to help because right now mot work is done by charities like shelter the government say they are trying their bet but are they the statistics are frightening you can see them on shelters webpage: https://www.shelter.com
hedkandi1984_21 On July 23, 2013




London, United Kingdom
#2New Post! Nov 10, 2007 @ 19:01:25
Ok, a good introduction, but a few pointers. Try and refrain from using the word "I" because at college and at uni, they don't really like that, so it's good to get out of the habit from now.

Rather than saying: "But why is this the case is it drugs, alcohol or laziness no it not its loss of accommodation,"

you could say something more like: "there is indication that common causes of homlessness are . . . . " or that "there is debate amongst . . . about the main causes of homelessness".

Good luck on the essay!
KulliK357 On July 15, 2013
Sausage Snowman





Dingwall,Scotland, United King
#3New Post! Nov 10, 2007 @ 21:25:58
thanks
clurrby On June 06, 2008




Liverpool, United Kingdom
#4New Post! Nov 10, 2007 @ 21:27:43
@hedkandi1984_21 Said
Ok, a good introduction, but a few pointers. Try and refrain from using the word "I" because at college and at uni, they don't really like that, so it's good to get out of the habit from now.

Rather than saying: "But why is this the case is it drugs, alcohol or laziness no it not its loss of accommodation,"

you could say something more like: "there is indication that common causes of homlessness are . . . . " or that "there is debate amongst . . . about the main causes of homelessness".

Good luck on the essay!


Couldnt agree more!
babylon On January 18, 2008

Deleted



Sad El Baouchrieh, Lebanon
#5New Post! Nov 10, 2007 @ 21:30:27
It's good i guess.U should ask the fourfoldroot about it, He should know!
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