Perv? Crazy? Dillusional? Insane? Subconscience Desires?

if it is at all taboo, it is that I am think about it "now", at this moment in time. If I was 38, and I was going to date a 30 year old, nothing would be wrong in most people's eyes. Intentions and goals do have to be taken into account when labeling something. Sure, If my motivation was to get her into bed with me right now, that would certainly be taboo.

to me it sounds like a natural thing, just a little weird still. Yes I know guys have these fantasies of girls way younger than themselves and sometimes even go into actual physical relations. But I respect you, and I think you shouldn't freak out, because you are controlling yourself and it's nothing nasty from what I'm understanding. You love her, and thats okay...you might not necessarily love her in a sexual or intimate way so much, but you do adore her and want her to be in your life. I say don't fret the small stuff and just move on I don't believe you're a perv and you don't really have to justify anymore I don't think.