Quickies

@rondetto Said

I just bought one of those low energy light bulbs from B&Q. The till assistant said "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
I said "No, I'm putting it up in the lounge."

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Breaking news about the criminal who’s been going around impersonating Sting.
He’s turned himself into the police.

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I hate it when people use well known phrases incorrectly, it's not rocket salad is it.

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Had a stroke of luck this morning.
Took my old Chinese Microwave to be valued at the local Auctioneers.
Turns out it dates back to the Ping Dynasty…

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I asked my wife if the cup was half full or half empty.
She told me: "For the last time, stop wearing my bras."

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