My Story-read and review please!

It's an English Assesment and I just need tips on what could be improved. thankyou



Thankyou Rosevalet


if that doesnt work copy and past this directly into your browser

https://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=2163648

Cheers

Nathan

Ooops.
I meant to say "RoseVale" as the name
>.>
Well, Im new, cut me some slack with the "Copy and Paste"
The top link works.

Not to bad mate. It is written well. It is harder to get the description in such a short word count, isn't it?

Besides the odd word mispelt, it reads well with good sentence structure.

Where you have the space, it is best to give description a slice at a time. Refresh the reader with something you have already told them mixed with something new to add to the picture in their mind.

Thanks babe

hi there
very moveing words in there,great use of words especially the description about the mountains.Well done

Hahaha, Your from Devon. Have you ever met Matt Bellamy?

I liked it...cool

Tankooooo!