how important is sex in a marraige?

putnam, Connecticut

Oct 02, 2007 @ 03:49:39

How important is sex in a marraige or a committed relationship? I like to hear others thoughts on this...essentially, this aspect of my marriage is nonexisting, and not sure if it will exist again. I am wondering if it is the last sign of a relationship being dead and over, and that what once was is gone, but not sure, so what are you all thoughts on this, how important is sex?

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idlehands

bayville,

#2

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:03:52

@dragonpoet Said
How important is sex in a marraige or a committed relationship? I like to hear others thoughts on this...essentially, this aspect of my marriage is nonexisting, and not sure if it will exist again. I am wondering if it is the last sign of a relationship being dead and over, and that what once was is gone, but not sure, so what are you all thoughts on this, how important is sex?

i believe you are correct in saying the relationship is pretty much over!

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dragonpoet

putnam, Connecticut

#3

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:05:23

@idlehands Said
i believe you are correct in saying the relationship is pretty much over!

Yeah, I am thinking along the same lines myself....especially since its him that doesn't seem to want too....just seems strange is all...

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Vizzy

, Florida

#4

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:07:28

It's certainly an enormous red flag. Break out the big guns, work needs to be done to rectify the situation.

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suicide_blonde

Deleted

seventh circle of hell, United

#5

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:07:30

@idlehands Said
i believe you are correct in saying the relationship is pretty much over!

i'm gonna have to agree. once the physical aspect is completely gone, only bitterness and resentment will follow. granted it's not the only thing of value in a marriage, but it is a huge part. when there is no physical expression of love, the words "i love you" lose all meaning. have you considered getting counselling to get to the root of the problem? if you have gotten counselling, did it help? i know it's hard to contemplate the end of a marriage, but sometimes it is actually worse to stay.

good luck to you with whatever choice you make.

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dragonpoet

putnam, Connecticut

#6

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:09:55

@vizzy Said
It's certainly an enormous red flag. Break out the big guns, work needs to be done to rectify the situation.

That I have tried....He just says he isn't interested, too tired or too sore, or says that our schedules are too different, or maybe its just me, who wants or needs it more then him, which seems really weird to me, always thought it was the other around away...it isn't like I am overweight or even ulgy, or least I don't think I am...

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dragonpoet

putnam, Connecticut

#7

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:12:52

@suicide_blonde Said
i'm gonna have to agree. once the physical aspect is completely gone, only bitterness and resentment will follow. granted it's not the only thing of value in a marriage, but it is a huge part. when there is no physical expression of love, the words "i love you" lose all meaning. have you considered getting counselling to get to the root of the problem? if you have gotten counselling, did it help? i know it's hard to contemplate the end of a marriage, but sometimes it is actually worse to stay.

good luck to you with whatever choice you make.

Counseling i would try however he would never agree to it, shot, most the time it is extremely difficult to even talk to him, and most times I think he does whatever he can not to spend any time with me....Sometimes I just wish he would say what is on his mind of cousre, I have a difficult time talking to him sometimes too. The older he gets the more self centered and self thinking he becomes, and I cna't help but wonder sometimes, if he isn't going somewhere else, ifyou know what I mean, but he says no.....

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alexkidd

Captain Awesome!

Deleted

in a bog, Ireland

#8

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:13:44

tfs is very cynical today isn't it?

but i think sex is pretty important alright.

i find sex problems like that are a symptom of issues outside the bedroom. two people who are at ease and honest with eachother will kinda naturally form a sex life that suits them.
i think you're gonna ave to look at your whole relationship

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Vizzy

, Florida

#9

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:13:58

@dragonpoet Said
That I have tried....He just says he isn't interested, too tired or too sore, or says that our schedules are too different, or maybe its just me, who wants or needs it more then him, which seems really weird to me, always thought it was the other around away...it isn't like I am overweight or even ulgy, or least I don't think I am...

From things you've said I'm assuming this is a situation that probably warrants therapy. However, regarding the sex issue alone there could be something as simple as low testosteron levels involved. It happens. I've heard of a few men latley who had treatment for low testosterone. One thing I know, it's NOT YOU. That's his baggage.

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dragonpoet

putnam, Connecticut

#10

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:15:02

@alexkidd Said
tfs is very cynical today isn't it?

but i think sex is pretty important alright.

i find sex problems like that are a symptom of issues outside the bedroom. two people who are at ease and honest with eachother will kinda naturally form a sex life that suits them.
i think you're gonna ave to look at your whole relationship

Which may be falling apart completely, i am beginning to think, most times I think we are like roomates instead of a married couple.

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alexkidd

Captain Awesome!

Deleted

in a bog, Ireland

#11

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:24:14

@dragonpoet Said
Which may be falling apart completely, i am beginning to think, most times I think we are like roomates instead of a married couple.

i think in that case concentrating on your sex life as the main problem isn't the way to go.
though a bit more adventure can never hurt, like dressing up and stuff.

but in any case, the way i see it is that reforming a personal bond if the first step towards being happy together, the sex comes naturally from that.
unless there's a physical reason you can't perform, which can cause alot of relationship problems, so i guess that works in reverse

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idlehands

bayville,

#12

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:30:34

@suicide_blonde Said
i'm gonna have to agree. once the physical aspect is completely gone, only bitterness and resentment will follow. granted it's not the only thing of value in a marriage, but it is a huge part. when there is no physical expression of love, the words "i love you" lose all meaning. have you considered getting counselling to get to the root of the problem? if you have gotten counselling, did it help? i know it's hard to contemplate the end of a marriage, but sometimes it is actually worse to stay.

good luck to you with whatever choice you make.

i dont know if id go quite that far, saying that only bitterness and resentment will follow.... i think you can still love someone, without the sex, but i ask, why stay then? u get once around in this life, so, ask yourself what do i want, then go from there!

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dragonpoet

putnam, Connecticut

#13

Oct 02, 2007 @ 04:34:24

@idlehands Said
i dont know if id go quite that far, saying that only bitterness and resentment will follow.... i think you can still love someone, without the sex, but i ask, why stay then? u get once around in this life, so, ask yourself what do i want, then go from there!

That is something I am trying to figure out....not sure what I want.

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tigerwoman

Mufreesboro, Tennessee

#15

Oct 02, 2007 @ 14:01:57

I agree with Treebs whole heartedly.

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