four months to live

a family member has recently been told they only have four to six months left with us. they have cancer, and it is growing rapidly. I was wondering, how would you cope with something like this? do you stay optimistic and think the doctors wrong? or do you prepare yourself for the worse? I don't know which way to go. I don't want to even consider losing this person, but sometimes I just go through what will happen after he is gone in my head, and that plays with my head. so, how would you handle it?

I would be absolutely gutted, and I'm so very sorry that your in this position

I'm sorry..

I worked with a guy that was told he had 2 months to live on a friday. On the monday he past away in his sleep. He was a great man and one I will never forget. Although i wasnt his best friend nor family memeber it still hit me that some one gets given a time to live....

But we are all on borrowed time.. the ones that get told are the lucky ones, they can make there goodbyes and tell everyone they love them.. its the ones that go with out warning are the ones that are unlucky.. things left unsaid.. hearts broken..

I've BEEN there and it absolutely friggin sucks. It's the hardest thing in the world to handle. The doctors told us that my dad only had six months or so and he made it for over 23 months . I never gave up , I just kept saying to myself , he will beat this . My Dad was always our rock so I just knew that he was going to beat this. We were 20 months into his diaganosis when the doctor told us there was nothing more that could be done. It hit me so hard and my brother tried to force me into to accepting that Daddy was dying. I did'nt , not until he drawed his last breath in my arms.

If you can come to terms with it now it could help but I don't know if anything softens the blow. My life is forever changed and a part of me is gone.

Hope and pray for the best, but be prepared for the worst I guess.

you have my deepest sympathy too I lost a close family member recently (Feb this year) to cancer.

bob

it is my father as well. he has been on chemo for two years, but the cancer is rapidly growing. the doctors are only continuing chemo because they hope that some miracle drug will come out. its a false hope I feel. three months ago, he had a year, two months ago, after his ct scan, it was six, now he's having another scan, but the doctors told him its so aggressive that hell not make it to see Valentines Day.

You know you are right about that. As hard as it is to accept it does help to know that you've had time to work out any wrinkles that may have been in the relationship. I had some quality talks with my Dad while he was ill. I'd crawl up in the bed with him and we'd just talk about anything. ON the other hand my Mom was dignosed with thyroid cancer , she went in the hospital for the operation two weeks after the diagnosis and she died a few days later. There were no signs that she would die , she had an excelllant prognosis and boom staff infection and she's gone . It was just horrible .

I would not wish this on my worst enemy because it's so horrible you can't even imagine. Chances are you have not seen the worst yet. It's going to get ugly . I'm not trying to scare you just prepare you, those final days are f***ing agony for them and you. Daddy screamed for us to just let him go .He cried out in pain and could't move around to get any relief. It was so bad OMG it was sooooo bad.

All you can do now is surround him with love . Assure him that you will be ok , he needs to know that.

I know what its like. I've lost my great-grandma, grandma, and sister-in-law. I know its going to get worse, and im scared to death. even now, talking to him sometimes I break down because I can hear how miserable he is in his voice. that kills me. sometimes I wish it was me not him. id do anything to take his place right now.

Wow, this is really well said Mark, and the right way of looking at it..
I lost my mother to C.O.P.D. and had a year to prepare for it..by the time she passed, we had gotten to say our gooodbys properly, to ask questions we might never have gotten to ask, and to say our 'I love yous'.. even though naturally my heart ached, I still had this great sense of peace when the time came..
The only bad thing is the fact that they 'know' they are going to die, and it is often very scary for the person..by the end though, my mother was pretty much at peace with the idea..
on the other hand, just two weeks before christmas we lost our cousin, it was 'sudden' killed on the job, a tree surgeon, and he was electrocuted..
so very not expected and it just tore us all up to shreds..

Yeah, I would be devastated. I am so sorry!

I am so sorry for those that have lost loved ones too soon. I have also lost family members way before we were ready to let them go but God called them home anyway.

Right now I am the one that everyone is worried about in my family because I have Multiple Myloma which is a blood cancer and there is no cure yet. I had hoped that my cancer would go into remission, but so far it hasn't. I honestly don't know how much time I have left but I am not giving in to this disease. I will fight it until I can fight no more. Right now I am working and trying to keep on working as long as I can.

I'm a two time cancer survivor and I'm telling ya attitude is 90 percent of the fight. Keep your chin up and keep the attitude that "you have cancer , cancer does not have you" . Good luck with the fight.

Thank you for your post wildchild. It is a struggle at times to be up and cheerful but I AM a determined woman and I will not give up. I'm glad that you have survived too.