ok. 5 nights ago my best friend had a party. hes a guy im a girl we've been best friends for like half a year and i love him more than anyone. but ive also been 'in love' with him since the first time i saw him...lame i know...but its true. a select few of my close friends know how i really feel about him, but one night i got drunk with one of his close friends and spilled the beans. his close friend scott was at my best friends party too, we had developed a friendship after that night and that was nice. i had a bit to drink and my best friend was outside. scott my girl best friend kelsey and myself started talkin bout my guy best friend. scott told me to just tell him...slightly intoxicated i sat down next to my best friend, held his hand, grabbed him and kissed him...the most perfect kiss of my life to date. i sed " sam i love you" he said "i love you too " i said "no...im in love with you
" he said "oh....*suprised look*" we then went for a drive, i told him it was ok if he didnt feel the same, he said if he didnt he wouldnt be talking to me right now...we talked about how we felt about eachother. sam told me he lied when he said hed die for all his friends, that i was his number 1 best friend and the only one hed ever die for, he told me he saw me as the girl version of him and that i was the only person hes ever cared about and the only person hes ever loved, that hed get jealous when i had other bfs but never understood why until now....i asked him "you love me....but are you IN love with me?" he said "yer, im in love with you"......he then continually called me a bastard for making him have these feelings while i sat smiling from ear to ear
then we slept together and it was all perfect, after that we went back to his house , and fell asleep holding hands ... it was perfect , and i was so afraid it would end....the next morning he woke up, got out of bed and he hasnt really talked to me since....why is this happening?.....is it because of the fact sam is a complete commitmentphobe and has never cared about any girl and the fact hes in love with me scares him s***less?.....or was it all just lies so he didnt have to hurt my feelings? did my best friend in the whole world infact use me? does he even care...ive txtd him...like 3 times 2 days ago just to come talk to me...why wont he txt bak???...have i ruined our relationship...is he in love with me? or did he just treat me like one of his x gf's that we used to call retarded for liking a bastard like him...has he done what he did to all them to me the "only person hes ever cared about".....whats going on....and what do i do........help , i love him
id rather have him in my life as just a friend than not in my life at all
Nov 07, 2006 @ 13:31:56
