I am ashamed

Earlier this morning there was a group of people making ALOT of racket outside 300 feet away from my thrid story dorm room and out of frustration coupled with a bottling up of numerious streeses i made a comment that included a racial slur loud enough that a member of this racial group heard me as he walked past my doorway in the hallway.

He confronted me immediatly and i apoligised numerious times, i don't expect or deserve forgiveness and i feel horrable for saying what i did

I have no dislike of the members of this racial group and i've had the pleasure of meeting many fine people that are classified as such. It's just a small group of individuals and their actions and attitudes that led me to making a comment that i deeply regret and it was directed AT the small group of people NOT everyone that shares a backround different than my own...

I hoped that since we are both college students in our mid 20s that I could talk with him more and explain my thoughts and actions and express how much i regret saying what i did, i dont want forgiveness (i dont deserve it) but he; in his words "has declared war on me." and is going door to door telling people that i am a racist.

I don't know what to do.

*shrug* sounds to me like you probably are for the most part, despite what you want to think.

wow...
he is a nasty piece of work! tbh... ive almost done the same thing at uni as well! today in particular. It's not exactly something u shud worry too much about!
Because, the more you worry bout it the more of an issue it will become.
At end of day, his group of friends were the ones in the wrong, not you. As long as you have your friends around to help you through the situation I woudlnt worry too much.
welcome to TFS by the way!

Thats rather harsh. You don't even know this person and you are ready to condem him as a racist. You've never said things out of frustration that you never meant?

My advice would be to just make it a matter of public record that you spoke out of frustration, you didn't mean it, and you apologize. If that's not enough, maybe you should look into being transfered to a different dorm.

If I sound harsh here - I apologise... but why was there even a need for you to include a racial slur in your moment of frustration in the first instance?

I would think that no matter how angry someone is, there are too many swear words in a million different languages to substitute a racial slur.

Maybe you believe you aren't, but the feelings could be deep rooted. Most people aren't able to keep their feelings in check when they see red.

Since you asked what should you do as he cannot be placated even after your fervent apologies, I think you may just have to face up to the consequence of your actions.

i agree the problem is it's easy to insult people of the same race, and i think people must agree on that. But when it comes to people of other ethnicities, particularly when tired, angry or drunk racist insults are probably the easy option.

I'm not defending it or anything god no!

So you were frustrated, you said something stupid - you apologised for it, but this idiot decides - for one apologised word - to "declare war on you"?

Sounds a nasty piece of work, and the fact that he/she didn't behave like an adult, and just accept a profuse apology, along with understanding that under stress we can all say bad things we don't mean, this sounds like someone with a chip on his/her shoulder, and is quite possibly a racist to boot, who is seeing this petty little arguement as an excuse to take out his/her frustrations on someone of a different race.

Not sure what you can do about it though. This idiot has the means maybe to turn a large number of your dorm against you

i should have quoted sorry but i meant the post by zulu!

I'm sure you genuinely didn't mean it, but it's pretty undertandable for that guy to hate you. To insult someone... NEVER bring the topic of their race or appearance into it, cause it's very hurtful. Dont' worry it'll soon die down, in the mean time hide and run away.

Thank you for all the replies so far (both positive and negative)

To clear up a misunderstanding the person that heard the remark wasn't involved in any way. There were a group of people across the parking lot from my dorm that I could hear them (shouting) and their music (bass) from 300 feet away in my third floor room with all the windows closed. This is an at least once everyday occurance and it just grates on myself and my roommate. I've been at this school for four years and this is the first time i snapped. The guy who heard the comment i actually have alot of respect for and we've always gotten along well, just last night i was actually helping him clean up his vomit after he drank (way) too much and puked in front of my door.

<edit<I agree that there was no reason to use a racial slur I didn't even think about it it just came out I'm quite ashamed that i said it.>end edit>

We were never friends but we were friendly and it's just the refusal to speak to me further than our origional confrontation and his actions since that really worry me.

I've asked if i could talk to him once since (turned his back to me and slammed his door) and i've had two other people knock on my door and ask "if i have a problem"

I don't want any kind of confrontation over this...

the problem here is this :
u are rascist, its that simple. No offence
It doesnt mather if they were doin it for a long time, day after day after day... If the persons, who were disturbing u, were of the same origin, u would react different. U dont have to admitt that, i dont have to tell this, u know that. If its ure own origin, u act totally different.
It takes a enormous amount of personality and interpretation, to not make this difference... Those who dont make difference, who can stay objective, i respect endlessly.
This is a simple example of handling out of hate, a "hate crime" like mentioned in South Park. U reacted in a way, where u could react objective, but somethin in u decided to react like this, and its not good...
offcourse, the reaction of the guy who heard this, is also negative. He shouldnt react this way.
But imagine this : U told ureself, how good u get along with this guy. Never had problems and s***. He was obviously a person who u could trust, and he could trust u. But then again, this guy deals with rascial profiling every day probably. I have this little idea, that this guy is sensitive to racial reactions. And hearing a racist statement out of the mouth of a close one, of a trusted person, is 100x harder than a racist statement out of the mouth of a stranger...
But then again, i understand u to. U got really angry because of a situation, that bothered u for a long time. And u just exploded. Happens to everyone.

I'm not condemning him or judging him in any way.

I think that most people have racial biases of varying degrees... and if you find yourself using racial slurs that's a damn good sign you may want to sit down and seriously think some things through.

Telling this guy "oh it's ok" or something to that effect isn't going to help anything. If someone has some strong racial biases they have to recognize this before they can change if they choose to do so.

that doesnt justify the rascist statement a person makes.
otherwise, alot of people would get away with rascism. KKK acts out of frustration to.
and in this issue, it doesnt mather if u mean it or not. U cant just say a rascist statement, and just say that u didnt mean it, and get away with it.
it doesnt sounds right, making a rascist statement in a frustrated atmosphere, and then just say u didnt mean it... no offence, but that is a very dumb thing to say. If u hurt a person deep, and then say u didnt mean it, is like ... "wtf? now im supposed to forget everything and smile to u, just because u said u didnt mean it?"
Maybe lily just realized that she has a certain level of rascism, and from the reaction in this post, i can really see that she isnt happy with it. And i also think lily is really dissapointed in herself that she reacted like this.
with a little logic and some thinking, she can change this.
best thing she can do is, to speak face-to-face with the involved guy. And explain to him that she is really really really sorry for making a rascist statement. That she realized what effect a rascist statement can unchain. That she is sorry for the wrong reaction in this situation. And that it was a wrong statement to make. U said it, but after u saw what it unchained, u dont agree with the statement u made. Not because u are afraid of the reaction he made, but just because it was wrong.
if im not wrong, this guy is muslim?

This person is African American

"african american" isnt a religion
i wondered about his religion.