Well, I wonder, is this yet another of those
posts that appear every now and then, launched from cyberspace, by who knows who. That sometimes receive an answer or two, some tip or other, which is then ignored........the original poster never coming back to respond. Who knows. The world is mad and growing madder by the day.
To spin off at a tangent, in the UK we now have our very own Covid19 Test & Trace system, developed at a cost of £12 Billion (sic) It is described by our PM as "world beating", this in spite of the fact that it does not work. But why quibble over small details like that. The system was brought low by a glitch in an Excel Spreadsheet, part of Microsoft Office, software available at £59.99. Reports tell us that "management consultants" - some being paid at a rate of £6250 per hour - have worked on the system over the past four months, ironing out the faults. Those developing the system were awarded the contract by our Government without consultation. Anyway, to cut a long story short, all this because using our NHS, or any nationalized service, would not be cost effective, the lack of competition invariably creating waste. Or so it is said when the "free market" is sold as the answer to all economic ills.
Anyway, all this in fact has much to do with the OP. At least as I see it. A state of near madness is described, which surely is a rational response to the greater madness now all around us. Where nothing is what it seems.
Seriously, try to THINK. Try to sort it out. WHY are you feeling this way? Believe in yourself. KNOW you are better than the madness around you.
Not much help, but alas I have responded in the past to a few pleas for help online and no one ever seems to return to pick up the tab. In the end it all becomes part of the greater madness.
If you are sincere I can only wish you well. A fellow human being.
Test & Trace: Was that the one where they used an old version of Excel that had a limit on the number of rows and a lot of records were lost?
... Aside from using Excel for what sounds like should be a database.
They probably developed it on their PC running Windows 95.