"SpicedSugar here..."  spicedsugar
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, California
Joined: May 2008 |
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A quick look into who I really am
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At the age of 14, I became the mother of two fully-grown adults. One past 50 years of age, the other nearing mid-40s; my mother and father, respectively.
In the past, my role was to be the hot topic for the bearer of bad news. I caused my father pain; my mother worry. Neither knew what to do with me. Should they send me to counseling?
What you have just read would be happening still, if the sun had not risen today. My father frowning and brooding as he drove me to school, like a sulking child worn-out from his tantrum. Complaining through clenched teeth of the pain my mother's caused him, the hurt, the abuse, the neglect. He seethes from her attitude towards him.
My mother, on the other hand, is frantic about money. It's true; she's a work-aholic. She's obsessed with being an aesthetician of her own business. She pays for school and vacation trips; but there's always too much to do. No time to set aside for her husband, portraying himself as calm, instead of showing her his strife.
For years (as far as I can remember, before turning age 3), they've bickered and argued over details, big and small. Good communication between them is for wishful thinking; not for a marital battle zone. Each snarl and shout drives a question that haunts my by-chance sleep: when will the divorce papers come in?
Logic lassos my wild imagination; hog-typing it with facts. To them, divorce is a failure. It's ok for others to do it, but not themselves. As Catholics, they simply cannot, it would destroy holy matrimony's sanctity. As parents, how will their kids react? The eldest has been through it once before. The youngest (me) is unpredictable. With this, the storm calms itself. The sky returns to its intense blue...for now.
But still you wonder: how can it be, a now 17 yr old a parent to her own? Recall to mind your own kids or reflect upon another's. Look at how the parents shift their emotions to match the children's needs. A sad mom fakes a smile; a dad absentmindedly hugs his child, while talking about business on the phone
Current Music: "From the Inside" by Linkin Park
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Pages: Prev | Next I like my walls. Please do not try to go past them. I appear to be "quite human," although I am really very detached. I hope I do not offend anyone, but I am quite protective of myself and my beliefs. If I get attacked, you may be sure I will do one of two things: retaliate, or dismiss. I try my best to be very accepting and I generally succeed. So, guess I'll catch you all on the forums. |
Behind My Laughing Face
