"When intelligence meets insanity"  screamingalpha
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Coronado, California
Joined: Oct 2005 |
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I feel so mixed up right now. I'm currently on deployment, and with everything that happened before I left, I just feel empty. My grandfather passed away 4 days before Christmas. He was a major influence in me growing up. He was very sarcastic, but cared for family extensively.
Not too long after that, my daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy. It was a major impact on both me and my wife as she was only 3 months old at the time.
I feel drained as well. The Navy has taken a massive toll on my sanity and overall well being. I guess you could say that I'm glad to be getting out, but my biggest concern is my daughter's and wife's welfare. I'm afraid that I won't be able to support their medical needs. Right now I feel detatched from everything. I don't socialize with people I normally talk with. I'm not the goofy person I used to be. I just want to be alone for extended periods of time. | |
jazzy2002
| | So many things to happen and build at once on someone so young. It is natural to feel overwhelmed at times and it is okay. Keep the faith and maintain hope for your family and please do continue to keep your family close and communicate your feelings with them. |
screamingalpha
| | The crazy thing is that I try to communicate, but I'm so used to being ignored or cut off, that I just don't keep at it. I feel like this quite often and it's becoming more frequent. I'm always doubting myself and at times not remembering important information. |
jazzy2002
| | Well you definitely need at least one person to communicate with that is close to the situation. Make it a priority to have it your wife....you don't want to lose her because of this I would hope and I've seen that happen too many times. Even if it can't be your wife at this time, choose someone. You need help sorting out some feelings right now. |
screamingalpha
| | It really is difficult for me to talk. Lately I've been shutting people out and just doing my own thing. I actually got really scared last night. I pulled out my Leatherman (multitool thingy) and opened up the straight knife part to it. |
screamingalpha
| I just don't know what to do right now. This feeling is getting a lot worse. I just feel like losing it right now. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable with myself in all aspects. I'm scared. Really scared. I want to get help, but I can't talk to a chaplain without them shoving religion down my throat, and meds don't help as I've been on them before with no change in my mental state. I don't know what to do.
For the past few nights, I've taken out my leatherman knife and randomly started stabbing inanimate objects out of frustration, anxiety and other feelings I can't really explain. I want to get rid of it, but I need it for my job.
I've been having problems remembering things, making a normal sleep pattern, and sometimes, eating. I want to find someplace to just release everything and be done with it, but it's hard to find a place on this ship. I'm always tense and no one seems to notice the change in how I work or when I'm tired and forgetful. |
jazzy2002
| | Counseling, this may be related to you being in the services on duty. |
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Strange feelings.
July 19, 2008 @ 02:55:22 pm
