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"When intelligence meets insanity"
On February 06, 2010 screamingalpha


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Coronado, California
Joined: Oct 2005

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Age: 38
Gender: M
Location: Coronado
California
United States
Posts: 815
PLS: ? 45.02
Joined:: Oct 07, 2005
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screamingalpha
TFS Journal


Public entry Strange feelings.
July 19, 2008 @ 02:33:12 pm
I feel so mixed up right now. I'm currently on deployment, and with everything that happened before I left, I just feel empty. My grandfather passed away 4 days before Christmas. He was a major influence in me growing up. He was very sarcastic, but cared for family extensively.

Not too long after that, my daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy. It was a major impact on both me and my wife as she was only 3 months old at the time.

I feel drained as well. The Navy has taken a massive toll on my sanity and overall well being. I guess you could say that I'm glad to be getting out, but my biggest concern is my daughter's and wife's welfare. I'm afraid that I won't be able to support their medical needs. Right now I feel detatched from everything. I don't socialize with people I normally talk with. I'm not the goofy person I used to be. I just want to be alone for extended periods of time.
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Public entry New profile stuff!!!
September 13, 2006 @ 05:41:43 pm
SOOOOO COLORFULLLLL!!!!!
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Public entry I'm BAAAAAaaaaack
February 08, 2006 @ 01:47:53 pm
I have been pretty busy lately. Thought I would give a howdya doo while I have some spare time in Singapore!!!
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Public entry Venting my thoughts.
January 09, 2006 @ 02:12:05 pm
Ok, I know that if I don't do this, I will blow up on someone at work and end up doing something that I may regret. You know the feeling when you go out of your way to do something generous or courteous for someone and they take advantage of you? That's exactly how I feel. My patience is almost zero. I try to keep myself calm, but every time I turn around someone decides to b**** at me for something small.

I'm currently deployed in the Pacific, and it's killing me being away from my wife. I hate being away from her. It's like I feel alone, yet I know that she's always thinking about me. I don't know how to deal with that except to go somewhere by myself and shed some tears. It kills me inside knowing that I will be gone for 6 or more months away from the events that's going on back home.

I hate my ship and my division. They lack logistics and organization. Today they are ranting and raving about getting the shack cleaned because the Admiral is coming in. The Admiral isn't going to look at the cleanliness of this place!! He wants to see how his radio shack is operating. He wants to know that we are capable of doing our jobs. I can't stand this ship.

I don't know how much longer my grandfather will last. I know this may sound mean, but he's in a rehab clinic trying to get over his last and biggest stroke. He's already had 5. Along with that, he has diabetes. It hurts me so much to know all the pain and suffering he is going through right now. I can't stand it.

That's the end of my venting.
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Public entry OK.....Work is very boring right now.
December 28, 2005 @ 12:45:04 pm
My work consists of sitting in front of a computer, watching messages come in, then putting them on our LAN networks. Tonight is very slow. I only had to get up to deliver one message...ONE!!! I had a working party earlier. I was hauling over 300 boxes of trash bags, 100 boxes of paper, and a bunch of food. I'm still sore, but not as bad as I was earlier. I just want to go to sleep, but then that would be bad stuff if my supervisor came in. SLAP!!!! Well not really, but I would wish I had received one.
Current Music: Lamb of God - Ruin
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Public entry WOOHOO!!!!!!
December 02, 2005 @ 12:00:32 am
I'm getting married tomorrow!!!!! I am SOOOOOOOOO excited. It's only going to be small, but I want it to finally be official. In our hearts, we both thought of each other as husband and wife, because we both know that we would do anything for each other. I love her so much!!!!!!!!! Some people keep telling me not to get married because of THEIR experiences. I have asked other people and they said to go for it, because they've done it and are happy. I keep an open mind about it though. I've looked at everything. I love her. She loves me. We would do anything for each other.
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Public entry I feel that....
November 15, 2005 @ 08:27:55 am
...My grandfather is suffering. He just had his 5th stroke the other day. He was pulled from ICU the day before yesterday. He just became coherent last night. It bothers me because this stroke sent him into seizures. I hate to see him this way. I feel like there's nothing I can do. He helped raise me when I was about 2 or 3. He's a religious, but understanding person. I just don't know what to do. It hurts to see him this way. He has diabetes as well. I just found out that he has some kind of blood infection. For some strange reason, every time they feed him through a feeding tube, his blood/sugar level goes up over 350. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but I don't want him to suffer like this. He doesn't deserve this.
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Public entry Depressed again.
October 24, 2005 @ 05:54:49 am
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm out at sea right now. I'm so depressed because I'm away from the one person I hold close and dear. There are other reasons, but that's my main one. I feel like I have to act stupid and clumsy just so I can be noticed or liked. Everything in my feels so deglamourized. All I want is to follow a career path, but with everything that's going on, it's like its being shoved right back in my face. Maybe I have ADD, I don't know. I haven't been tested yet. I want to get rid of this feeling. I want to feel secure and happy without worrying about what's going to happen to me or my fiancee. It hurts so much to worry about those things. I feel like I've failed in life. I feel like I'm trying to get away from everything that seems important and hiding in a shell of fear. I don't know what to do.
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Public entry Why is it.....
October 10, 2005 @ 05:08:31 am
That no matter what I do, I can't seem to get memories of my uncle out of my head?!?!??!? It's not a bad reason really, just the fact that he was a big influence in my life. He passed away because of malignant melanoma. I've never been the same since.
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Public entry I love being a metal head!!!
October 09, 2005 @ 01:28:46 pm
I went to the Cryptopsy/Suffocation show last night! I loved it!!! Though Cryptopsy's set was a bit short, they still kicked ass!!!
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