 Britt_mum1_09
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Hanover area, Canada
Joined: Jun 2011 |
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Wow, seriously? as I type, my ex is sitting outside my building with his "new gf" and he;s at my ex best friends place drinkin... the same girl that he always talked s*** about when we were together and he didnt like me tlakin to her all the time and s***... like seriously, WTF!!!! UGHHH this makes me so angry like seriously, why are people so gosh darned fake and two faced?!?!?! f***ing makes me sick. But i guess they all deserve each other cuz they are all f***in fake a** people.. grr!!      | |
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well this weekend was good, got a friend/co-worker of mine to pick up my friend that I havent seen in over a year so me and her just spent the wkend together with my baby girl, nothing special but it was nice to see her 
Now that she's gone, I'm all alone again. Sitting at home after work I find myself thinkin once again about him, and what happened (still not sure). I am getting over HIM but I am just having a hard time accepting it, I dunno exactly what it is but I just cant let go yet.... BUT I still haven't even tried to call him about coming to get his stuff... I WANT to call him, but I dunno what to say and I dont want it to be awkward, nor do I wanna be a b****, but at the same time, I probably should be.
I just miss him and his companionship and I wish that we could go back to a few months ago when (I thought) everything was good and normal and that we'd be together.. Maybe not "forever" no, but I definately never seen this coming...... I still feel a little lost at times, and lonely. I realise that I can (and SHOULD) do better than him; its just hard adjusting, and I've never really dated anyone before as a "single mom" besides him, so I am worried about that. And of course along w/ my own insecurities.... caused from people and situations like this...... blahh just wish that things could be normal, or at least I had some *real* friends. I find those to be very few and far between. Scarce, even. This sucks, really. I am OK, but this still sucks | |
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well today I am cleanin my apt, gathering up absolutely everything in my apt that Johnny left behind and whenever I can get ahold of him, I am gunna tell him that when he brings me my car seat he can get the rest of his s*** too. This has been pretty hard because this really isnt what I wanted at all, but I cant keep holding on when all he's doing is hurting me and he obviously doesnt care about being with me, or my daughter....So I guess this is me letting go, or trying to in the least.....
Now i just have to talk to him and then see him one last time......  | |
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| tryin to get over all this crap.. overall its goin ok i gues but i still mis him, but at the same time i realise that maybe it better off. But then again its just me and my kid. I got no friends nemore or nething.. it sucks. I'm trying to change that... I can be friendly w/ anyone, but for me being *friends*with someone is a different.. | |
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well overall i had a good weekend, went camping with some friends of mine and my daughter, was drinkin all wkend of course (why not, right?). Thursday night i was walkin in the dark leaving the campsite, on my way to the bar and i f***in tripped over a damn stump n went a** over tea kellte (FFS!! ). Don't think my wrist is broken but it sure hurts like a Bit*h!! s***ty thing is i got to work in like an hour and a half. should be interesting... lol but other than that had a good weekend, went to the bar seem some old friends and met some random guy, found his number in the morning baha i dont think I'll be calling him though lmao....
On another note, kind of getting over the break up slowly. Not entirely but its getting easier. This morning i packed up all of his s*** and whenever he bothers to call me or answer his phone when I call, he can bring me my car seat and take his s*** and be gone!
He says he does want us to be friends but at this point i dont think I can be friends with him. Not now anyway. I miss him too much and all he;s done since before we broke up let lie to me, hide things and let me down.... so yea, f*** it. I really dont have it in me to work on a relationship, which I dont want to be *friends*, if I am gunna be the only one making the effort. f*** it. I didn't do anythin to deserve this crap | |
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yay! I finally got a part time job! Hope its not too shabby lol but oh well, finally something to get me out of the house  | |
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| Is it so much to ask to just spend a little time together? like maybe a WHOLE day, not just when he gets off work n he's too tired to do stuff, I get that, obviously, or were just sleeping or doing groceries and s***.. I just wish we could spend more time together!!!! Ever since he moved out he just seems to care more about his friends and working than spending any real time with me anymore... maybe it's just me, I hope so anyway.. I just want things to be normal again, I hate this so much! I'm tired of not knowing how he feels or if he even cares or if he even wants to come back home... ugh I just wish he could talk to me and that things weren't so complicated. Some days are okay, but I hate knowing that he's not coming HOME after work every night and that the weekends arent ours anymore... I wish that things could be like they used to be! We used to be so close, we could talk about anything and we used to always have lots of good times and laugh about nothing and stuff, but not so much now, and he seems to think that moving out is "helping us" but I really dont see it. Lately I just feel more hurt and confused about everything than I feel that he wants to work things out. But at the same time i feel that he must care and want to work things out, or he wouldnt still be coming around and stuff, right? Ughh I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried so hard to tell him how I feel but he just doesnt seem to get it.... | |
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| today has just been boring. my mound of laundry is slowly shrinking though i guess that's a good thing! Hoping my man comes over tonight!! <3 Got a stew cooking in the crock pot Maybe we'll have another wonderful thunderstorm again tonight =D | |
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well today has been an alright day but now that the little's in bed i can't help but start to think about how much I miss my man. Even talking to him on the phone didn't help much, if anything it just made it worse... FML. I just want him to come home!! Ughhh why does life have to be so complicated sometimes and why can 2 people not just agree to disagree on some things!!!
Blahhh I miss him so!! I miss my other half XD | |
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well here goes my first official journal entry, at 12 18am. I should totally be asleep right now, because i have a little one to get up with and a long day ahead of us tomorrow, but instead here i sit pondering my life and what lies ahead for me, and maybe what doesnt?
These last few weeks have been long and trying, but i've made it thru and now i wonder what will happen from here on out. Contemplating what my options are, what i should/could do, where to go from here and all that. You know, just the little questions =/
But -- i am signing off here before i start rambling....  | |
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makes me sick..
