On your mark, get set....GO!!!

Farmer Smith invented his new device to help him count his cows in the field quickly. What do you think he called his new invention????????? A cowculator!!! Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!!! Which bear needs a doeodrant?? Pooh bear! Waiter theres a fly playing football in my soup.... It'll be playing in the cup tommorrow sir!!! Why did mickey mouse go to space.... To find pluto!!! Hows the lad who swallowed the dollar bill.. No change yet I'm afraid!! Theres a man at the door collecting for the old peoples home, shall I give him grandpa!! Theres a man at the door collecting for the swimming pool...... Give him a glass of water!!!! Rabbits can multiply but only snakes can be adders!!! How do you stop moles digging i your garden...... Hide the spades!!!!!!! Where do hamsters come from..... Hamsterdam (booooooooooo....!!!)

Oh my...

What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?
Grandpa.

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."

You might be a redneck if you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kid.

What do you call a cow with no arms or legs? Ground beef! What do you call a man with no arms or legs flying over a fence? Homer! What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? Nothing, it can't come when you call...

A cop pulls over a guy.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked, that's why I knocked!

When you move to a new neighborhood & lock yourself out, always remember to climb through the window to your "own house". It will save you much embarassment!

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.

Women like their computers as they like their men. No one wants the floppy disk.

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying.
I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.

Hmmm...

What's black and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

A drunk driver gets pulled over by an officer.

The officer asks the driver; Have you been drinking sir?

The man replied; Of course I'm driving Mr. Occifer, can't you see I'm too drunk to walk...