Apparently...

@mrman Said

its not until i read things like this that i realise how lucky i was growing up with both parents. most people dont realise the effect not knowing one of your parents may have on a child.
well, if youre happy now then seeing your dad may mess things up again...you have to do what pinkmelody said and think about yourself and what you want. if you do decide to see your dad then be aware that it wont just be a simple chat and catch up and things will be a bed of roses. youre bound to have questions and you have every right to ask him those questions. dont be at all ashamed of the pain he has caused you. make it known of everything he has caused in your life because of his absence... that is if you feel comfortable with him knowing about your rocky past. it would be like meeting a stranger after-all... he may be your dad by dna but hes not been there...you dont know the guy. if you did see him itd take a while of constant visits to get to know him and even years and years down the line he still may not feel like your dad.

@plaidmushroom Said

My father has decided that after 16 years he wants to see me. We're talking about a guy who denied that I was even his kid for 12 years until he FINALLY took paternity test(which came back 99.99% positive)and that was only because it was court ordered for child support. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night for God only knows how long, I started skipping meals and dieting in the 4th grade because I thought if I was pretty he might love me, it progressed to anorexia and at one point bulimia, i was suicidal, i had severe depression, and I now have a permanent scar of the word 'worthless' because of him. He never once in 16 years made an effort to apologize or to see me and now he's telling people that "he's always wanted to see me but my mother discouraged it."

I'm so confused right now. This is what I've waited my whole life for, although my reasons have changed through the years. First because I wanted a dad and then because I wanted to tell him what a disgusting prick he is. Now I don't know what to do because I'm so torn. Part of me doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me at all, another wants closure, and yet another wants to cut his balls off and tell him what a bastard he is.

I just really don't know what I should do and it seems like no one here seems to care that this is a huge deal in my life. Any advice?

@iwannano Said

From my personal experence with meeting the woman( my mothr) that walked away when I was 6 weeks old leaving behind a 3 year old , a 14 month old and me , with never a word or glance backwards. Then my borthers found her when I was 30 years old and damn if she didn't want to go on montel or some such with the mirical of our story,,, no there was no way us three grown 'children' was gonna give that woman any BS TV show to air our dirty laundry on,,

My advice would be ,yes ,you need to meet him not to 'give him a chance to be a daddy' or to' make up for the years' or even to allow him to 'tell his side' . Why ypu need to meet him is for you. For you to get a handel on this " it has to br something wrong with me that made him leav , 'If I was prettier or smarter or a boy ,or green or whatever you have allowed yourself to blame yourself for being the reason he left. What well come from you getting a face to face meeting and getting to know him in his reality ?Instead of your imagination , un certainty and confusion and lack of real knowledge that caused your depression . You will see first hand how fake his tears of "happiness" is and how bigus the regret of all the missed 'special' times are , Simply because you know in your heart that he knew where you were and keep in mind it took a court order before he came out of the wood work and then another 4years to start with the 'It wasn't my fault' and pointing fingers to lay blame on some where else. You don't need to hold your anger and hurt in so his feeligs don't get hurt. But you do need a person that has no personal investment in either side like a cousler or preacher , not a family member or friend , because when the time comes when you understand he needs to know why your angry ,why you feel confused etc.. if thier isn't a medator there it will just be making a bad situation worse. .. Keep in mind you are the innocent victim of the desisons the adults made v, you as a infant did nothing ,said nothing to cause them adults to do what was done . and it is not of any importance to you to hear who thinks who was more right or wrong, what id=s of up most importance to you is to realize you had no hand in the right or wrong of what happened 16 years ago. At this point all you need from him is the chance to have a first hand look into his reality ,of his desisions to not be a man and refuse the gift of your love as a daughter . He lost out on one of the most special gifts a man can be offered . The love of a daddy's girl. You did'nt loose anything ,because you can't loose what never was yours It's not like you walked away 16 years ago . He's the one that lost out.

@hallucinogenic_lipstick Said

Thats really insightful, I gave you the kudos.

One thing I did feel was relief, my mother never once bad mouthed my father but he had plenty to say about her...considering she stayed around and raised me and my sis...he left to go off with some tart he'd picked up and there were many women from what I can remember, he left me with plenty of them when I he used to pick me up for his 'visitation rights'.

Certainly keep an open mind if you do decide to meet him, their never quite what you remember and iwannano is right you cannot be held responsible for an adults decision.

@hope Said

what make you think that your dad doesn't wanna see you? you've already said that he decided to see you, and added that he wanted that but your mum discouraged it
i'm sorry to say that but you maybe judging him for unknown reason. i mean do you know exactly why he never saw you? since part of you wants to see him then go ahead and give a shot. i belive it won't hurt on the contrary it may be a good start with him that you never dreamt of.

@iwannano Said

From my personal experence with meeting the woman( my mothr) that walked away when I was 6 weeks old leaving behind a 3 year old , a 14 month old and me , with never a word or glance backwards. Then my borthers found her when I was 30 years old and damn if she didn't want to go on montel or some such with the mirical of our story,,, no there was no way us three grown 'children' was gonna give that woman any BS TV show to air our dirty laundry on,,

My advice would be ,yes ,you need to meet him not to 'give him a chance to be a daddy' or to' make up for the years' or even to allow him to 'tell his side' . Why ypu need to meet him is for you. For you to get a handel on this " it has to br something wrong with me that made him leav , 'If I was prettier or smarter or a boy ,or green or whatever you have allowed yourself to blame yourself for being the reason he left. What well come from you getting a face to face meeting and getting to know him in his reality ?Instead of your imagination , un certainty and confusion and lack of real knowledge that caused your depression . You will see first hand how fake his tears of "happiness" is and how bigus the regret of all the missed 'special' times are , Simply because you know in your heart that he knew where you were and keep in mind it took a court order before he came out of the wood work and then another 4years to start with the 'It wasn't my fault' and pointing fingers to lay blame on some where else. You don't need to hold your anger and hurt in so his feeligs don't get hurt. But you do need a person that has no personal investment in either side like a cousler or preacher , not a family member or friend , because when the time comes when you understand he needs to know why your angry ,why you feel confused etc.. if thier isn't a medator there it will just be making a bad situation worse. .. Keep in mind you are the innocent victim of the desisons the adults made v, you as a infant did nothing ,said nothing to cause them adults to do what was done . and it is not of any importance to you to hear who thinks who was more right or wrong, what id=s of up most importance to you is to realize you had no hand in the right or wrong of what happened 16 years ago. At this point all you need from him is the chance to have a first hand look into his reality ,of his desisions to not be a man and refuse the gift of your love as a daughter . He lost out on one of the most special gifts a man can be offered . The love of a daddy's girl. You did'nt loose anything ,because you can't loose what never was yours It's not like you walked away 16 years ago . He's the one that lost out.

@mrman Said

its not until i read things like this that i realise how lucky i was growing up with both parents. most people dont realise the effect not knowing one of your parents may have on a child.

@plaidmushroom Said

Thank you, and I know it's not my fault now. When I was younger though it was very hard to understand seeing as he accepted my brother but not me. In a way I have to thank him because without all of that happening I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.

@plaidmushroom Said

My father has decided that after 16 years he wants to see me. We're talking about a guy who denied that I was even his kid for 12 years until he FINALLY took paternity test(which came back 99.99% positive)and that was only because it was court ordered for child support. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night for God only knows how long, I started skipping meals and dieting in the 4th grade because I thought if I was pretty he might love me, it progressed to anorexia and at one point bulimia, i was suicidal, i had severe depression, and I now have a permanent scar of the word 'worthless' because of him. He never once in 16 years made an effort to apologize or to see me and now he's telling people that "he's always wanted to see me but my mother discouraged it."

I'm so confused right now. This is what I've waited my whole life for, although my reasons have changed through the years. First because I wanted a dad and then because I wanted to tell him what a disgusting prick he is. Now I don't know what to do because I'm so torn. Part of me doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me at all, another wants closure, and yet another wants to cut his balls off and tell him what a bastard he is.

I just really don't know what I should do and it seems like no one here seems to care that this is a huge deal in my life. Any advice?