"I was a liar from the beginning"  abzenze
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unknown, Australia
Joined: Oct 2008 |
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why even bother listening to his excuses of lies covering his ass.. you clearly know he is just in it for the adrenaline rush .. he doesnt love nor does he really care for you.. the only reason u have meaning is when u are tied to his emotions and how u effect him.. shame this is all bulls*** ..
there will be no intimacy cos all he wants is to own and conquer .. u seen it .. u heard it .. u even know it within every inch of ur soul.. get ON YOUR f***ING FEET AND GO .. u dont even need them.. well maybe once in a while.. but when ur finished why stay around honestly..
closure is bulls***.. there is no such thing.. only god.. the rest is just little pawns running around tryna be king..
trust ur own wisdom.. what he says he says for his own benifit and really has no value in ur life..
damn i lost two rabbits.. ohh well .. s*** happens...
 i got me myself and i .. and right now thats all i need ... god is my saviour .. that is all.. rest is bulls***.... love is bullshjit with no god ....
bulls***
bulls***
bulls***... lies lies lies
(17th March 2011)text extended by Abz ..
So my account got hacked by someone who i once trusted.. What has been inked was once expressed and my reflection at that point of time.
It is what it is .. I hope people have a joy reading and maybe extract whatever they need from the text as i suppose everything written is a manifestation of them and the current situation..
as for the guy who did this ill leave the account how u left it  I personally am ok with me as a person whether angry or upset .. people go through internal transitions .. the main thing is you walk through life not sit and dwell on the past.. learn from everyone experiences.. use ur head to rationalize between ur mind and ur heart ..
and if Faisal wanted a public apology I am sorry that u had to go through that hurt and being caught in a situation that wasnt healthy for you. I have been honest with you and it is what it is . If you cannot accept that I am who i am then we should all move on. You were a good guy deep down .. and probably still very much so but your acting like a d***head. I am sorry i dont believe a man or his words and I dont believe he is truly capable of loving me."this stems from my own insecurities and wounds" but i do have faith in them as a person cos they are human. Its not just you but everyone else.. I dont let anyone close enough .
I have misled you but i still maintained to tell u two sides .. i have other priorities in my life and to sit on the computer to speak to u everyday is unrealistic. yes i could make the time but i simply do not wish to as i wish to have time alone to recover. I told you straight out where we stand. My friends respect that i have responsibilies in my life and by that i speak to them once every few weeks.. I have my life to attend to and this emotionally pull is draining me .. and as for my mother she said if u do not have any intentions with this boy you should not give so much attention cos he needs to know where he stands .. I told you the truth .. This guy is generally a good guy underneath and is very receptive but in saying that he can be extremely rude and disrespectful.. i know i have wronged and i have said it many times to this guy but i will not sit here and cry and emit guilt in every step i take .. its unhealthy for me and anyone around me .. guilt is one thing but to sit here and be drenched in it is self destruction..
oh and his messages seem to imply we have be more than just friends..there was no contact maybe a tap on the shoulder or arm.. oh n a hug good bye | |
abzenze
| This post is now public! I only had it hidden because i'm a faithless whore.
I can't believe that I wrote such a hypocritical thing, because while I was saying this on this private entry, I was using up Faisal's life and telling him all this talk about how I am running from God.. this and that.. sometimes it even amazes me when I look back, how much of an extortionist I am and how I really manipulate and take advantage of people, then when they finally are driven into vulnerability, I just use some lame excuse how I don't have time. What a cold hearted person I will always be.. and nothing can change that because when it came to my relationship with God, all I could do was search for the worst example of a person I could find because he was struggling in life and I was such a scum bag low life, that I took advantage of him as a scape goat for my own troubles because deep down I wanted to feel like being naughty was ok and I wouldn't be in trouble for it. But instead I find myself mocking at the universe and severe judgement awaits me for betraying an enemy to serve another. Simply i've made God out to be of no importance in my life and proved that my faith was all but a joke from the beginning. Peace everyone! |
faisalalsarraf
| It makes more sense now.
revelation 12-9 anybody? "And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him."
i think our time is soon. help us have patience with these people, Father. just help us be patient with the deceiver who robs us without shame |
faisalalsarraf
| | ruby, this same girl who made this post did the exact same thing that she hates having people done to her, to me. Isn't that a shame? she desperately was looking for someone to simply project all her insecurities on to.. and even her mother told her.. don't do that to me. Come on even her own mom saw how I was not guilty. something is really wrong with this girl |
Sweet_Merry
One day. . . I will
| | We are perfect in our imperfections. |
xRuby_Kissesx
| @faisalalsarraf Said 
ruby, this same girl who made this post did the exact same thing that she hates having people done to her, to me. Isn't that a shame? she desperately was looking for someone to simply project all her insecurities on to.. and even her mother told her.. don't do that to me. Come on even her own mom saw how I was not guilty. something is really wrong with this girl
There is a whole forum *coughs* I mean world full of them. No need to tell me, I know all about it... |
xRuby_Kissesx
| Bulls*** bulls*** bulls***?
My thoughts exactly!
Don't sit near an exhaust pipe of a running car for too long - bulls*** runs away with you. |
faisalalsarraf
| @xRuby_Kissesx Said
There is a whole forum *coughs* I mean world full of them. No need to tell me, I know all about it...
Thank you.. I know it will get better in time. you just have to let the effects wear away but learn better next time not to fall into their trap. She could have fooled anyone.. was a very cunning deceiver I would say, and she will be conceited when she reads that. I think she enjoys making lies and fools out of people. It's a serious control issue she has. Because frankly that guy wasn't doing any of those things to her, I believe she was doing all that to herself and projects it on to others.. kind of like making a false enemy for the sake of her own false peace. It's basically what the Bible has been warning all obedient creatures about all along. the deceiver, accuser of brethren. This is a person who will find any and all excuse to betray an innocent, taking the smallest mistake and blowing it into a full blown character flaw, she seeks to crumble you to dirt and will even confess that she is laughing about it.. It's crazy, I didn't even do anything to hurt her really, she just wants to believe I am an enemy out to get her.. Well I think if you keep believing something you make it a reality. Like she even said herself, what she sees in herself reflects out of other people. Come on, that's even what the Lord Jesus told us "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Give me a break!
I know I am making it worse by perpetuating but come on.. Someone needs to break this b**** into two pieces and give back to her what she dishes out to everyone on a continual f***ing basis. |
faisalalsarraf
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Thank you. yea, exactly. but she tends to insist everyone but her is insane. Truth is she was a judgmental wreck from the start and I was a bit confused.. hey, that confusion is gone now and a few things have clicked since then. but I wouldn't go so far to say there's any good news on her side.. It just has been a personal growth thing for me, to experience to magnitude of such hypocrisy was a miracle of life. |
Grasshopper
Just me.
| True love between a man and woman, I believe, would be: When a man carries his wifes purse for her. Help rewrap her hysterectomy incision. Brings her with to his family gatherings/football games.
Or when the wife checks in all bars trying to find him to give him a ride home. Won't let him leave home without a clean shirt. Lets him fill the house with his favorite team.
Every morning, and before bed, talk to eachother. |
faisalalsarraf
| @Grasshopper Said
True love between a man and woman, I believe, would be: When a man carries his wifes purse for her. Help rewrap her hysterectomy incision. Brings her with to his family gatherings/football games.
Or when the wife checks in all bars trying to find him to give him a ride home. Won't let him leave home without a clean shirt. Lets him fill the house with his favorite team.
Every morning, and before bed, talk to eachother.
Trust me this girl is not like that at all, she wants to go out and stab people. She's a sadist.. only time she would speak to a guy is when and if her mind is allowed to walk into the potential of performing a deviant fantasy with him (or her). I don't know what's wrong with this person.. it wouldn't bother me as much if such people would be willing to admit they are so screwed up, but she had to lack of respect to push it all on me and walk away. Coward character.. used me up for all the attention I gave and was too self absorbed to give back. I know deep in my heart this will fade away, because truth is I have dealt with faithless people like her before.. it's just the epitome of it all, seems to culminate into this very point in my existence. some what like a final battle, I know I will win because I pray to Jesus every day to help me and He here's my cries, and has compassion and saves me from the brutality that she so desperately wanted to inflict on my soul without shame |
xRuby_Kissesx
| @Grasshopper Said
True love between a man and woman, I believe, would be: When a man carries his wifes purse for her. Help rewrap her hysterectomy incision. Brings her with to his family gatherings/football games.
Or when the wife checks in all bars trying to find him to give him a ride home. Won't let him leave home without a clean shirt. Lets him fill the house with his favorite team.
Every morning, and before bed, talk to eachother.
Carries her purse! When I find a man who'll carry my purse I'll be so underwhelmed you wouldn't believe, and for the woman checking the bars to give him a ride home, f**k that for a taxi doormat service |
xRuby_Kissesx
| @faisalalsarraf Said
Thank you. yea, exactly. but she tends to insist everyone but her is insane. Truth is she was a judgmental wreck from the start and I was a bit confused.. hey, that confusion is gone now and a few things have clicked since then. but I wouldn't go so far to say there's any good news on her side.. It just has been a personal growth thing for me, to experience to magnitude of such hypocrisy was a miracle of life.
This sanity issue, just want to check something. You and she aren't the same person are you and only you know coz you're sane but she, your alter ego is a half wit?
Just want to be clear. |
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there is no such thing as love between a man and women
March 16, 2011 @ 04:39:04 pm
Jeremy Kyle may help