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ooonikkiooo
|  Just A Tribute To My Dad
April 21, 2007 @ 01:43:27 am| 0 |  |
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| It is said that whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. This I believe with all of my being. When I was 8, my died was killed in a car accident. The man that I called dad, and loved with all of my heart, had been taken from me. Not only me, but my mom and 5 year old sister. I remember that morning so clearly. It was November, 15th 1996. I was sitting at the kitchen table eating cornflakes, getting ready for school. It was a Friday. The phones rings, and my mom answers it. All I can remember is her crying and asking if he was alright. Who was HE, it never occured to me that it was my father and I was never going to see him again. I couldn't even cry when my mom told me what had happened. Actually she never even really told me what happened. All she said was "your dad was in an accident, I am going with your Aunt, your grandparents are coming over." The next few hours were a blur. I just sat in my bedroom on the edge of my bed, holding a picture of him. This is the closest I will ever be to him again I thought. But I couldn't cry. I tried to force myself...but nothing would come out. It just wouldn't sink in. He is gone, and he is never coming back. I had wanted to go with him that morning, I had wanted to spend time with my dad. But I wasn't allowed...I had school the next day and could not miss it. There are times that I wish I was in that car with him. Maybe I could have done something that would have prevented this. It wasn't a drunk driver, or even someone who had lost control of their vehicle. No it was simply someone who had fallen asleep behind the wheel. Supposedly the truck had crossed the yellow line and clipped the bumper of the car that my dad was driving, spinning him and throwing him into the ditch on the side of the road. I still do not know the name of the man who did this, nor do I know the details of how my father died. Deep down i want to know. I want to be told, whether or not he suffered...was there pain? I only remember flashes of things I did with my dad. Driving his truck with him, riding our horses...going with him in the logging truck, being with him when he drove the school bus. He was such a beautiful being. I have never met anyone who had the compassion and love that my father held for anyone he knew. If I can be at least 1/2 the person that he was, my life would be worth living. But I know that getting there is going to be one of the hardest journeys that I will ever have to endure. I wish he was here. I think though how different my life would be, would i be where I am today? Would I be the same person I am? There is not a day where these thoughts have not run through my head. I want him to be proud of me and the person that I have become. I feel that he is with me each and every day, and with that thought I hold my head high, and push myself to become someone better than who I am. Thank you dad! I love you and miss you with all of my heart.
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ooonikkiooo
| Something I wrote awhile ago...
April 20, 2007 @ 05:11:30 am| 0 | |
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| "What beauty in childhood, what purity, what openness before one lets oneself be killed and cruelty recloses all. "
~Isabelle Adjani
I have always wondered what it would be like to view the world through an untainted eye. To be able to look at things without bias, without some sort of prior influence imposed on us by others. Being alone out here has started me thinking about things like this. I want to go back and see what it feels like to be a newborn. New eyes, a clean and unprejudiced kind of thinking...Being totally and absolutely oblivious towards the corruption and evil that saturates our world. I want to be pure and innocent again. It is with our eyes, the devices with which we view this world, that change us. We see so many things, and we let them evolve us in one way or another, and usually these changes take us farther away from the innocence that we once had. Like snow falling from the skies on a warm day, the purity that we once contained evaporates into the dark earth. I want to be able reclaim some of that purity, I want to see the things in this world like I have never been hurt, or have hurt...never had a bias thought run through my mind. What would that be like? To love without hate, or even better yet; too not know what hate is? Maybe I will never be able to reattain this simplicity, this uncorrupted way of life, but I know that I can change the way I view things, change the way I live my life...let not bias rule my choices and decisions, but use a clear conscience and some trust in humanity.
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ooonikkiooo
| Just a thought
April 20, 2007 @ 04:14:41 am| 2 | |
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| "Why not let people differ about their answers to the great mysteries of hte Universe? Let each seek one's own way to the highest, to one's own sense of supreme loyalty in life, one's ideal of life. Let each philosophy, each world view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature, and dedication..."
~Algernon Black
Each and every one of us was given a mind and the power to use it. We should look within ourselves to find the answers that we seek. Even if these answers are not the ones that others think are correct. Each person views the world in a different light. Not one human being in the world thinks the exact same thought, or sees the exact same thing. What looks black and ominous to me, may look warm and inviting to someone else. There are those who are set in their ways, and would never think of changing their views on life. There are those who take everything in and use these things in which to live their lives. I think that we should all do a little of both. We should be open to new ideas, but stand beside ours that we know work. We should be bendable but firm in our acceptance. Be open but closed. You are probably thinking, what the hell is she talking about?!?!? But really why can't we do this? Why can't we stand our ground, but also take in stride new ideas and beliefs? Only you can answer that question. Only you have the power to control your life. Be different and look at the world in a positive light. Be optimistic. Let others add to your life, but not change it. Have the power and the courage to be yourself. Don't be scared of what others think, because truly they are just as scared of what you think of them.
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Moderator
This beats the last busiest month ever, March 2008, that had over 85,000 posts. Additionally, more than 2/3rds of the busiest days ever were in April. 
