"TFS Joker"  nikola
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Borger, Texas
Joined: Dec 2005 |
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How stupid could I have been? I signed up to go to college over the summer so that I can skip the first semester this year. Ever since my post about finally going to college 2 months ago, I haven't been able to get online. My prufessors have laiden me down with homework for the past 2 months that I can't get on to talk to you guys. I've been having to stay up almost all night just so I can skip a semester and graduate earlier. This has seriously a waste of time.
At least it hasn't been a total loss. I'm doing 10 times better than I did in high school. I have a GPA of 3.2 now. Its just the stupid homework, I can't remember anything that I was taught in high school.
I should have listened to my teachers. They warned me that college wasn't going to be easy, and I better remember everything they taught me because I'm not going to be taught the same thing again.
If only I could go back to high school, relearn everything.
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This is my 300th post! 
No applause neccesary | |
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Points to Ponder
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# Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
# Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
# Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
# Stupidity got us into this mess... why can't it get us out?
# Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
# Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
# Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly, and for the same reason.
# There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
# People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that
Benjamin Franklin said it first.
# It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
# Indecision is the key to flexibility.
# If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
# I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
# I am in shape. Round is a shape.
# Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
# A day without sunshine is like night.
# I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
# I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
# You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
# The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
# Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
# Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
# Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
# Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
# You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you
stopped laughing. | |
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GREAT WISDOM
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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
18. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
20. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
24. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
25. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
26. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
28. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. | |
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Hello everybody! I just got this computer up and running today! My old one crashed so I had to save up all my money to buy another one. Now, I'm finally back on! And boy, look how much this site has changed. I feel like the new kid again  | |
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
NOW --------
Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back and bit the s*** out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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1. Look at the size of his putter
2. Oh s*** my shafts all bent
3. You really wacked the hell out of that
sucker
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good
grip
6. Lift your head and spread your legs
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow
through leaves a lot to be desired
8. Just turn your back and drop it
9. Hold up.. I've got to wash my balls
10. Damn, I missed the hole again
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I'm in New York today, so I decided to make a Top Ten list about it.
10. Rupert Jee's Hello Deli passing a health inspection.
9. An American winning the New York Marathon.
8. My saying the words "Ralph Macchio."
7. The Late Show doing something about balcony louse problem.
6. Regis Philbin sitting quietly for an hour.
5. Carol Channing having sex.
4. Me having sex.
3. Me having sex with Carol Channing.
2. Carol Channing telling me "Don't worry, it happens to everyone."
1. The #1 on a Top Ten List actually being funny
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Thats right people. This is no Joke. In about a week it will be finished and the URL posted in the Jokes section. Then, in about a year, published by Lamar university and be sold all over the US.
....And thats as much detail as I will over, I don't want to spoil the surprise!
On a side not:, would this contribution warrant me becomeing a moderator of the "jokes" and "funny pics" section? Its been my dream......
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| Oh, did I right that? sorry I was only thinking it...... | |
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I'm back, again.
