"It's better to burn out than fade away ~k.c."  cvchic13
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(s)AINT
Desolation Row, United States
Joined: Feb 2005 |
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I am in the worst f***ing mood today. I just feel like fighting with people and being really bitter and sarcastic. It could be contributed to the fact that last night, me and my boyfriend got into an argument because he called me fat and that I should "try to make myself look good for my man." This literally tore me up. He knows that I am very self-conscious when it comes to this s***, and when he said what he said last night, I couldn't take it. It made me feel so disgusting and worthless and hideous that all I could do was cry.
I just don't understand how someone who says they love you so much could say such horrible, insulting things and not think twice about it. I feel so...gross and didn't even bother trying to look nice today for school. It makes me feel so dirty.
And not to mention, he tries to smooth things over after he says ignorant s*** like that and tries to act like everything is all right when it is clearly not at all. I am getting so sick of this s***, I just want to scream and cry. I can't deal with the next time that he does this to me. I already have issues and he's just f***ing with my head and making them worse.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am so sick and fed-up with being put down all the time. His excuse when I tell him he hurt me feelings by calling me fat: "I was just mad at you. I know it gets you going." To me, that doesn't matter. Everything comes out when you're angry, even the things you don't want people to think you are thinking about them.
I'm going to go crazy before to long if I don't get away from this situation. I have to do something. | |
plebian_angel
Intergalactic hussy
| | Your boyfriend is a jerk. And if you are so hideous, what is he doing with you? Jerkoff. |
Leon
| | I'm terribly sorry about this. This is a problem for us men. Indeed, sometimes looks do matter for us, but we cannot put it in a manner as to not make his gal feel as you are right now. If it is important to him, how should he have addressed it? I'd like to know so I don't end up making the same mistake. |
cvchic13
(s)AINT
| @Leon Said 
I'm terribly sorry about this. This is a problem for us men. Indeed, sometimes looks do matter for us, but we cannot put it in a manner as to not make his gal feel as you are right now. If it is important to him, how should he have addressed it? I'd like to know so I don't end up making the same mistake.
Be subtle. Say things like "We should try excersizing (I don' know how to spell that word) more, like going for walks or for a run and try to eat healthier, I think being healthy is important." Don't point out the fact that you think she is "fat", just go from the "healthy" point of it and say you are willing to do it, too, so as to not make her feel singled out.
I guess my boyfriend doesn't have very good tact when it comes to this. He's an ignorant person. |
plebian_angel
Intergalactic hussy
| | The reason he wanted to get you going is why I said he's a jerk..though that fat comment was out of line too. It is very immature to get a person going no matter how mad you are. Is he like this all the time? |
boobear
| f*** that there's no excuse for it, he's a d***. One whether he thinks that's true or not he shouldn't say that to you if you're self conscious about it. Truth is and I hate to break it to you but if he loves you, really loves you it wouldn't bother him. For example, to others my bf has a bigger nose and I'm a little overweight but neither of us see that on each other, we each think each others beautiful and tell each other that all the time, for us noone else compares, not even brad pitt  that's what you deserve, don't take any less, more so in your case give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it. |
Leon
| @cvchic13 Said
Be subtle. Say things like "We should try excersizing (I don' know how to spell that word) more, like going for walks or for a run and try to eat healthier, I think being healthy is important." Don't point out the fact that you think she is "fat", just go from the "healthy" point of it and say you are willing to do it, too, so as to not make her feel singled out.
I guess my boyfriend doesn't have very good tact when it comes to this. He's an ignorant person.
Yeah, that's what I tried. Thing is, she wasn't as motivated to follow through on that (probably one reason she was getting quite overweight). |
cvchic13
(s)AINT
| @plebian_angel Said
The reason he wanted to get you going is why I said he's a jerk..though that fat comment was out of line too. It is very immature to get a person going no matter how mad you are. Is he like this all the time?
Actually, this is the first time he's ever done this to me. I don't know what tiggered it, seems how I've been the same weight for I don't know how long. Granted, I didn't weigh as much before I had my daughter. I'm not the skinniest person alive, but I'm also not the biggest person, either. |
cvchic13
(s)AINT
| @boobear Said
f*** that there's no excuse for it, he's a d***. One whether he thinks that's true or not he shouldn't say that to you if you're self conscious about it. Truth is and I hate to break it to you but if he loves you, really loves you it wouldn't bother him. For example, to others my bf has a bigger nose and I'm a little overweight but neither of us see that on each other, we each think each others beautiful and tell each other that all the time, for us noone else compares, not even brad pitt that's what you deserve, don't take any less, more so in your case give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it.
I'm the kind of person that doesn't insult someone with their looks when I get angry. I don't think I could ever insult him the way he does me. And what I don't get is the fact that he tells me I'm beautiful all the time, that he doesn't care I still have my baby weight and then he says things that contradict himself all the time. It's confusing  |
chisa96
Supreme Goddess
| How do you mean he tried to smooth things over? Did he make an actual, true attempt to make ammends over this?
I mean, you say this isn't the norm for him, that it's the first time he's done anything of the nature. (I'm assuming that you've been together long enough for that to be significant?) We all have stupid mistake moments, especially in anger, and all we can do afterwards is to acknowledge them and make up for them to move forward.
So, is he make a real and honest attempt to express that he's sorry for what he said? |
cvchic13
(s)AINT
| @chisa96 Said
How do you mean he tried to smooth things over? Did he make an actual, true attempt to make ammends over this?
I mean, you say this isn't the norm for him, that it's the first time he's done anything of the nature. (I'm assuming that you've been together long enough for that to be significant?) We all have stupid mistake moments, especially in anger, and all we can do afterwards is to acknowledge them and make up for them to move forward.
So, is he make a real and honest attempt to express that he's sorry for what he said?
Sex He expects me to have sex with him right after he did this to me. I know this might be a little personal, that's why I didn't state it in the first place, but he knows how much I like it and whatnot and he thinks that if he wants to have sex with me, everything will be okay.
We've been together for about two and half years. I'm hoping we can get past this, though. If he does it again, I don't know if I can stay with him. And he doesn't like to honestly apologize about anything, because he believes he didn't do anything wrong |
Breena
| Hi cvChick,
Just because your boyfriend says your fat, doesn't mean that other guys think your fat. Next time he call you fat, smack your own butt, then say "I like my fat, I'm bootylicious." |
chisa96
Supreme Goddess
| @cvchic13 Said
Sex He expects me to have sex with him right after he did this to me. I know this might be a little personal, that's why I didn't state it in the first place, but he knows how much I like it and whatnot and he thinks that if he wants to have sex with me, everything will be okay.
We've been together for about two and half years. I'm hoping we can get past this, though. If he does it again, I don't know if I can stay with him. And he doesn't like to honestly apologize about anything, because he believes he didn't do anything wrong
Hmmm, well that's tricky. I mean, if he is actually of the mindset that sex is what would make you feel better about yourself and show you that he didn't mean it and finds you gloriously beautiful, then you can know he's at least trying. But that would be up to your own impression of it. If it were my guy, I would know that it just means that he wants to move on and have sex; it definately wouldn't demonstrate an apology.
Just talk to him. Tell him how much he hurt you, and tell him that sex wouldn't make you feel better. 2 1/2 years is a significant relationship, but it isn't enough time to know each other inside out. Maybe he didn't realize that it would hurt you so deeply. Maybe he truly believed that demonstrating that he finds you sexually desirable would make you feel better about it. The only way you can know is to talk about it.
For me, I wouldn't say one hurtful comment is worth throwing away a whole relationship, not if he's genuinely sorry and doesn't generally make you feel like crap. I would definately find out these things before just giving up and jumping ship. |
sTreetAngeL
root tedt ree
| If you are not ready to leave him, then find something about him that he's sensitive about; and at every opportunity, get your jabs in.
I don't mean change who you are in this way as a way of life; but rather as a last resort to show him through example, how it 'feels' to be hurt in this way. One tends to remember what they feel... |
chisa96
Supreme Goddess
| @sTreetAngeL Said
If you are not ready to leave him, then find something about him that he's sensitive about; and at every opportunity, get your jabs in.
What? Is this serious advice? Because it's absolutely horrible and would only ruin a relationship. You should never play tit for tat and actually try to hurt the other person, not even as a last resort. What kind of relationship would that build? |
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Ho hum.
August 08, 2011 @ 04:01:31 pm
