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On April 04, 2021 TenaciousDave


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The Anus Of Satan



Jeffrey Dahmer's Lunchbox,
Joined: Feb 2010

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Age: 120
Gender: M
Location: Jeffrey Dahmer's Lunchbox

United States
Posts: 27743
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HiImDan

New Post! My wife
June 30, 2021 @ 12:55:54 am
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Nicole, won $4 K on Wheel Of Fortune while my wife-Xiou, won $2 K on Jeopardy! glad I married them

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HiImDan

New Post! Big surprise...
June 29, 2021 @ 06:58:13 pm
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I guess I'm permanently banned from face book cuz I used the word "gun"

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HiImDan

New Post! Ever been to Disney?
June 26, 2021 @ 08:37:42 pm
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They gots these little characters with a ruler and usually read "you must be this tall to ride this"? Well I think my bank has a similar sign which reads "your IQ cannot exceed double digits to work here". Today was no different, I walked in and evidently stood in the wrong line was immediately rebuked for standing in the wrong one, I apologized and explained the I was legally blind. Next, she snapped "is this for Key plus?" To which I said "I have no idea what that is" She barks "what do you want?" I showed her my coin roll and said "I want to cash these in" "WHAT??" (oh, boy, this is a rocket scientist) "Can I get cash for these?" "that's it?" "Um...yeah." "Well you should have said so" This woman looked a tad familiar, I wonder if she's the same one who, when I tried to cash some change before found a dime in with a penny roll, hands it to me, I gave her a penny and she says "you'll need 9 more, sir" I asked her "are you sure working at a banks a good investment?" At least her coworkers got a good laugh at her.

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HiImDan

New Post! Why does Ozzy always ask this stupid question?
June 25, 2021 @ 08:30:14 pm
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Why does Ozzy always ask this stupid question?



"Are you ready to rock 'n roll?" um....that would explain the 20,000 people chanting your name. Why doncha read to us...

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HiImDan

New Post! Then there was a time
June 25, 2021 @ 12:47:38 am
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Then there was a time, when I lived in an apartment, that my neighbor and I each had a little goose. One day, I decided to give my goose a little caption that read “you’re giving goose bumps baby!” My neighbor wrote “wow!” Then I put a sign which read “You’re giving me goose bumps!” And he wrote “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” When I moved out, I put a bunch of Easter eggs with her.

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HiImDan

New Post! My wife
June 24, 2021 @ 12:07:00 am
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Julie, won $1 K on Jeopardy! last year & my wife-Rebecca, won $67 K on Wheel Of Fortune tonight and my wife-Danielle, won $1 K on Jeopardy! tonight, glad I married them <3

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HiImDan

New Post! So here I yam
June 22, 2021 @ 07:10:00 pm
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So here I yam, at The Deli Wagon (Food truck) when a certain customer said “Well, I guess it’s time to stock up on Bruno Seltzers”. His buddy laugh hysterically then asked “What’s that?” He said “That’s the stuff that makes you ‘poop’!” I’m thinking “These two are rocket scientists”!

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HiImDan

New Post! The following is based on a true story
June 21, 2021 @ 06:08:53 pm
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The following is based on a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the absurd. So here I yam, at work at the Gund Arena, working security and had to pat down everybody at "The Other One's" (the remaining Grateful Dead members after Jerry Garcia's death.) I still wanna know how high do have to be on what that pointing your arms to the sky and talking to them becomes some kinda entertainment? Any way, some kid came up to me with a bowl, I asked "what did you bring to smoke in the bowl?" He smiled and patted his vest and said "oops, must've forgotten it.” I reached in his jacket and pulled out a cigarette pack with 3 joints and a pill (the pill was a felony and the kid was too ignorant to know better) and he, with a panic voiced said "please, sir, PLEASE-" I told him "you're not going to jail PROVIDED you play your cards right. I'm gonna ask you one more time and you'd better not lie to me WHAT DID YOU BRING TO SMOKE IN THE BOWL?" He held his hand out to the dude behind him and (ta da) he hands him a bag of weed. Some other kid yells out "COME ON LET US IN, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND NOTHING ON NOBODY!" I held up the contraband and said "YOUR GONNA GET YOUR TURN, SIR" When I said that we all heard everyone go KLUNK, KLUNK, THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD! Man, these people emptied their pockets of all kinds of dope, weird drugs, beer, four little whiskey bottles (which a 21 year old picked up along with four beer bottles). What a treat for everybody.

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HiImDan

New Post!  So here I yam, at Wells-Fargo
June 18, 2021 @ 08:20:56 pm
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 So here I yam, at Wells-Fargo servicing on particular stop with a band aid on my forehead. The client  asked me about it and I said “I cut  myself shaving.” She replied “way up there?” I said “I'm part labrador.” And she looked kinda like “WTF?” And I said “it's a joke!” And she  said “oh!”
 

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HiImDan

New Post! Oh,yeah....
June 17, 2021 @ 02:52:15 am
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