Control.....

I realized the essence of my stability and happiness has come down to control.. i like to control every aspect of my life and sometimes my boi

men in my past have always made me feel unloved even my dad .. there was apart of my personality that came out and took charge , she changed me into who i am today. Taking control strengthens me but dont actually fix the insecurites. i simply mask it for now..

i felt unloved and believe controlling their partner will control emotions and the outcome of a relationship..i feel if i loose this control they wont love me anymore . So its my loss of faith and hope in men that established this dominant character...

its sad really..

so i was wondering what helps.. i am trying to let go of this dominant side but i feel i am gonna loose everything.. my boyfriend is an angel .. he is gone through so much s*** because of me. i dunno how he does it really. there is so much strain in our relationship because of this

how do you have faith again.. to be honest i am s*** scared of love .. i dun really trust any guy with my heart even if he is perfect..

i am very rational but when its my emotions i feel so helpless...

It looks like, if you have not already realized this, you are at least admitting to yourself that you are afraid of love...

If you have found yourself a partner for life, and you cannot allow yourself to feel a committed love for that person, you must have suffered terribly to have such a level of mistrust in men (in general).

Do you think that you could put your trust in a professional (woman) to help you with this?

You've made the first step and that is admitting you're a Controller.. Now you have to take another step and admit you need help with this before it destroys your life and those that love you...

Recognizing the problem is the first major step. When you need total control you eventually smoother the other person. They turn into what you want them to be and not who they really are. Eventually they will get bitter, frustrated and resentful. I'm afraid only professional help will get you past this. You've made a good start, keep moving forward. Let the boyfriend make a decision that's easy, start there until you're ready for more.

its hard to seek for help.. but since its something i cant fix i guess maybe i will...
thank you.. i just dont like talking about it .. but its getting too much now