miscellaneous jokes

i didn't notice before i misquote the joke, that i heard.


life begin - when the children leave home and the dog died.

Barber: Do you warnt a crew cut, or a bowl cut?

Red-neck male: Hmmmm, let me mullet over for a lil bit.

***************

That redneck thinks he's so special.
All because he's got that fuzzy para-dise hanging
from his rear view mirror. paradise= pair of dice


***************

Bubba was telling his friend what the girl at the bar said:
"She said I was ugly and fat. That's a paralyze. I
used to be fat, but I'm not any more. paralize=pair of lies

dulu- when jokes explain themselves like these above. if there suppose be written like that where is the humor in them?

dulu - no reflect in your taste of humor. whoever wrote these jokes is not funny. just bad.

keep trying, dulu!

when i was a kid, we had lobsters for dinner one night at home.

we had six lobsters in our bathtub, let them walk around in the tub.

i saw my mom put on two huge pots on the stove to boiled the lobsters.

she turned on the stove, and then we had let the lobsters walked on the house for awhile.

i realized when i had the lobster in my hand. i had to let him live and he had to free. he had to be set free. he had to go home.

i ran out of the house with the lobster in my hand, and i got on my bike.

i took him home, let him free in the woods, and ride back to my home.

if sex was for fun, they would have children as penalty.

women in summertime:

make sure your man has his air conditioner on, when you are there in his apartment.

a man went to pet shop, and buy some baby chicks. he did went to the pet shop for three weeks.

so the pet shop owner said to the man, " why are you buying so many baby chicks? "

the man said to the owner, " they are all dead! "

then the pet owner said, " they were healthy, when I sold them to you."

the man said, " maybe I am buried too deeply. "

what you cross a dinosaur with a virgin?

two things are R-E-A-L-L-Y extinct.

when you keep your head above when others lose theirs - you be the tallest person in the room.

I had a cousin, she was so ugly, she joined the navy.

because being buried face down in the sea.

image I am alive and married the same woman for 62 years.

I am sitting with a beautiful wife for 62 years. I put on my hand on her knee, and I said to her, " honey, let go all the way! "

my wife said to me, " all way to what?"

I said, " you know, let us upstairs and have .... "

my wife said , " what, go upstairs, what? "

I said, " you know, what the word? I can't remember! "

my wife said, " I know the word, but we haven't done for long time, you know."

I start rubbing her knee,, and said " it has been a long time, but I can't remember the name of it. but I can deliver. "

my wife said, " I remember when we did. you like post office. they take forever to delivery. "

I start to rub her knee more gently and faster. my wife look down at her knee. and said.

" I have an headache tonight! "

what different your cat and your wife?
something you put out and other won't.


what call a gay milkman?
a dairy queen.


during the term of prime minster of uk, one weekend, Margret thatcher visited Falkland islands.

she had go there to dedicated a monumentum to the " unknown sheep ".

There was so much hair on her face she had handlebar eyebrows!

--Her legs are so hairy she has to shampoo her knees.

She parted her hair sideways. Her dates went crazy,
whispe-ring in her nose!! ewwwwwww!

--She's so hairy, her knees have bangs.

He's got so much dandruff, snowplows follow him.

so much He's got dandruff, snowplows follow him.


There was so much hair on her face she had handlebar eyebrows!
she had five o clock shadow on her face at 7:00am.

--Her legs are so hairy she has to shampoo her knees.
she had trim her butt to put on her make up in the morning.

--She's so hairy, her knees have bangs.
her mother was so hairy . she was a stand-in for a king kong in movie.