One Liners

Jennifer1984

Returner and proud

Penzance, United Kingdom

Mar 16, 2017 @ 17:22:01

(some of these may be a little old, but I like them anyway)

A man knocked on my door and asked for a contribution to the new swimming pool in town. I gave him a glass of water.

*****

They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.

*****

My friend asked me what I think of wind farms. I said "Big fan."

*****

Don't you just hate it when somebody answers their own questions? I know I do.

*****

A recent study has concluded that women who carry a little extra weight tend to live longer than men who mention it.

*****

Chemically speaking, alcohol IS a solution.

3

psycoskunk

Funky-Footed Skunk

A fort made of stinky socks, C

#2

Mar 16, 2017 @ 17:40:25

Missy Elliot came to me one day and said "Sock It 2 Me!" So I put my foot in her face.

EDIT: It posted too quick.

Did you heard about the time Jack Black and Will Smith were attacked by a great white? Incredible shark tale.

What do you get when you combine a French-Canadian political party and a gun manufacturer? Glock-Quebecois!

How do you leave an audience in suspense...?

1

Edited: March 16, 2017 @ 17:45

twilitezone911

Saint Louis, Missouri

#3

Mar 16, 2017 @ 18:02:11

@Jennifer1984 Said

(some of these may be a little old, but I like them anyway)

A man knocked on my door and asked for a contribution to the new swimming pool in town. I gave him a glass of water.

*****

They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.

*****

My friend asked me what I think of wind farms. I said "Big fan."

*****

Don't you just hate it when somebody answers their own questions? I know I do.

*****

A recent study has concluded that women who carry a little extra weight tend to live longer than men who mention it.

*****

Chemically speaking, alcohol IS a solution.

the first one was your best , jennifer!

0

Jennifer1984

Returner and proud

Penzance, United Kingdom

#4

Mar 17, 2017 @ 05:31:40

@psycoskunk Said

Missy Elliot came to me one day and said "Sock It 2 Me!" So I put my foot in her face.

I think you could start a whole new joke genre specialising in hosiery.

I was going to throw all my old socks away but I got cold feet.

and finally......... A genuine poster in the window of Trago Mills in Falmouth. This had to be a mis-spelling:

"Buy one get one free. Only while socks last."

1

twilitezone911

Saint Louis, Missouri

#5

Mar 17, 2017 @ 10:40:58

i would talk about my old socks, then i talk about old shoes.

i would have paid my old shoes's union talk about my old shoes. these shoes sooo lazy, they really loafing around.

how lazy these shoes are, you can tell you by their character?
they really are heels.

my shoes are possessed by the devil. they talk in tongues.

1

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