Fairy tales

Most of these are lame but there's a couple of cute ones...

This Little Piggy

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went wee, wee, wee bought some Depends
disposable undergarments to solve that problem.



Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't bad either.



Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied him to the heater.
Every time he'd lift his leg,
He'd burn his little peter.

Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.

Mary had a little sheep.
It went to bed with her to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb!

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it was quite silly.
She threw it up into the air,
And caught it by its ...
Willy was a watch dog,
Lying on the grass.
Down came a bumble bee,
And bit him on the ...
Asssssk no questions,
Tell no lies,
I saw a policeman,
Doing up his ...
Flies are bad,
Mosquitos are worse,
And this is the end of my silly little verse.

Mary had a little lamb,
A pizza and some prunes,
A piece of pie, a glass of milk, and then some maccaroons.
It made the waiters happy to see her order so
And when they carried Mary out,
her face was white as snow!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's @$$
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.

Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.

Mary had a li'l lamb
Its wool was soft and pink
A big bad wolf came by one day
Now Mary has a mink!



Fuzzy Wuzzy

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bare,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is
now serving time in the state pen.



Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow,
Spraying pesticides and herbicides all down the row?



Peter Peter

Peter, Peter wife beater
Had a wife and used to beat her,
'Till she shot him with a shot gun shell,
And sent that bastard straight to hell.
Then she sold the movie rights.
It's now a mini series on Tuesday nights.



Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
Each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
Do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down on top of Jill
And now they have another daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With a keg of brandy
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed
Now it's Jack, Jill and Andy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high,
Pulled down his fly,
And Jill said,
"Where's the beef!"

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her a**
And now two of his front teeth are missing.