Even more funnies

@rondetto Said

I asked my friend the other day, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
He replied, somewhat indignantly, "That was no eyesore, that was my wife!"

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I’ve just woke up after a heavy night’s drinking and realized I’d gone bald, which is surprising I usually go for brunette’s.

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"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Yes, I know…"

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Walked into the bank today and there was a one legged man just standing at the ATM. Waited a bit then asked are you having any problems sir,,, "No he replied. Just checking my balance."

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When I go to McDonald’s I like to have a happy meal, so I leave the wife and kids at home.

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