More Funnies

@rondetto Said

Remember back in the days when your TV wouldn't work, you would bang it a few times?I tried that with my dishwasher, but she ended up pregnant.

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Paddy pulls up at the traffic lights next to a stunning looking girl.
He smiles at her and winds his window down.
She smiles back and winds her window down.
Paddy says 'have you farted as well?'

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I've just had one of those trick questions on a job application form.
It said, "In case of emergency, who do we contact?"
I put, "An ambulance and a doctor!"
I think the job is in the bag!

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To cope with frequent flooding the local farmer now uses buoyancy aids for his ruminants.
Whatever floats your goat I say.

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As a boy I always had my nose in a book, my parents couldn’t afford Kleenex.

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A girl of seven walked into her mother's bedroom and asked her to tell her a bedtime story.
The mother wasn't thrilled with the request. She said, "It's almost two in the morning."
"I know, Mummy, but I'd love to hear a story."
The mother said, "Lie down in bed with me.
We'll wait for your father and he'll tell us both one!"

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