@DiscordTiger Said
Children can't fix a marriage.
In general kids are great, raising a family is important for many and there are a lot of positives. However, it's a lot of work and stress. Lack of sleep, frustration, worry -and that's assuming the kids are healthy. In general I'd hope the positive would outweigh the stress, but if the marriage is not strong enough to begin with, it is going to suffer.
In the end, whether or not a relationship makes it, is not about kids (or money or health or sex..etc) or any one factor, but how well the two people love and support each other. As well as similar goals.
If one person really wants kids and the other does not, no matter whether they have kids or not, one person will be unhappy. That will take a toll on the relationship.
I agree your first paragraph wholeheartedly and the vast majority of everything else you say. However, re: my embolden. That comment reads as a definitive statement which, if that is how you mean it, is something I disagree with.
I had a very strong instinct to become a mother, my wife Amanda had never had any desire to bear children, but it was something we began to discuss after we met and then moved in together while we were still at university. We talked about it A LOT even after we got married.
I'll skip the lengthy process by which the event actually happened, but once Amanda got her head around it and we committed, she did so wholeheartedly.
When Megan was born her commitment was total. No doubts, no holding back, no regret.
The IVF process cost us a fortune, was lengthy and difficult, it's meant that Amanda is the sole income provider for us all (we both agreed that I would stop working and be a full time mum until Meg is at least in Junior School) and it's put a lot of restrictions on things we did when we were a childless couple. But if you ask if she has resented the baby in any way she would say no. Rather, she loves being "Mummy 'manda" to our little girl and is a wonderful parent. The non-biological aspect of her relationship to our daughter isn't any sort of impediment.
Had she really, REALLY objected to my desire to have a baby we would still have been together. Absolutely, 100%. I would not have left her over that. Sure, I would have had regrets but I wouldn't be the first lesbian in the world that has ever happened to.
Things could have gone badly after the baby was born and I have no idea how our relationship might have panned out if that had been the case. Did we take a risk..? Perhaps, but it was our risk to take and we knew that the responsibility for that would have been not mine, not hers, but ours. We make such decisions with our eyes open.
Everybody is different and there are no "absolutes". Feelings can change when another person is involved. It would be a pretty rigid world if nobody ever altered their view on anything.
After that, life takes over and that's the great unpredictable. In my case, I now have a wonderful wife, a beautiful child, a happy home and my life is blessed.
We must be doing something right.