 yndy
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Manila, Philippines
Joined: Nov 2005 |
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i've been in and out of tfs for quite some time... but it is only in tfs that i get to let out all my rants and raves in my life... here's another one...
i did an event for filipino-american installation artist by the name of paul pfieffer (he will be doing an art installation exhibit in wembley stadium in england, please watch out for it) in this project i met a guy named andrew. well he was one of my coordinators / production assistant at that time... (it started last august 19) well seemed that we both knew what we wanted at that time and to cut it short we grew close. many people around me started asking if he's like my bf or something close to it. i can't tell them anything cuz i really dunno what we're having at that time. all i knew was we are enjoying each other's company. time came when everybody was insisting that andrew has his thing for me. wel one of my so called big brother in the production wuld always tell me that he wouldn;t go out o his way only to be with me (my computer broke like around 10 in the evening and he was right in frnt of my doorstep firs thing in the morning, he also insists that i apply in the same company he's in, and the list goes on) at night i wonder why i keep on denying not only to the people around me but to myslef as well that nothing is really going on between the two of us. well maybe simply because he's not telling me anything and at the same time i dont wanna assume of whatever things that may relate the things happening between us into something deeper than friendship. i dunno if i was relieved or whatever when after the celebration of my bday (i celebrated it for 3 consecutive days) the last night of the celebratin actually he brought me home and the next day we we're just talking over the phone... and he just asked me if i notice all the attention that was thrown to me by him.. well it all started there... now he's courting me.. (and for the record, he's the first guy that i allowed to court me cuz i never believed in those stuff) well thats it for now.. more to come...
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it's been five months since we talked. so much time has passed. so may things have happened. people have come and gone in my life. and so was he. i learned to forgive. i leaned how to live without him by my side. i learned to make plans for myself. i learned how to focus on my work. after all these time that he wasn't there, i learned to appreciate other things. i learned from the people around me. from myself. from my own experiences. i learned to trust myslef once more. i learned that one day i could love once again. i learned that i could be happy even without him. i learned that life goes on. i learned... or so i thought.
how could one single text message change all of that? how could i forget all that i learned? how could i forget that once, this man have caused alot of damage into my life. into my whole being? how could just one message made me forget all those?
now i'm back. back to where i found myself a few months back.
distraught...
hurtin....
unable to trust...
feelin useless...
lost....
why?
why did he come back? why does he have to do this?
why.... | |
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anybody of you knows Prof. Andrey Andreev of St. Petersburg University in Russia? any links... send it over please.. badly needed... thanks guys...  | |
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i'm with my new work right now.. my boss really ticks me off!! why does he has to say hurtful things to us.. he acts as if he's the only one workin his a** off! i mean we're literally killing ourselves working with no benefits at all and still he says we're not worthy of the job. why is he the first one to make us feel stupid wherein he should be the one boosting our morale? he always say that he alone can make the job done (THEN WHY THE HELL DOES HE CALL US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT OR IN SOME CASES WHILE IM OUT WITH SOMEONE JUST FOR US TO DO SOMETHING THAT COULD WAIT TILL WE GET TO OUR OFFICE?)  and a while ago he was like talking to someone over the phone and he goes like " i really cant tell you right now why they are not suited to do that coz they are still here" hhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllloooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 grrrr that really ticked me off!!! gawd!!! why are there people like this in this world? | |
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| since i've got a new job there's been so little time for me to log on tfs.. i missed my friends so much... and so many things have happened after quite some time... what's new with me? aside from my new work.. i dont see anyone excluively right now... maybe i need to take a break from being committed to someone excpet to my self, my work, my family and my friends... but i'm still the same old me.. still wants to go out and meet new people. i do date but no commitments.. ;p right now i'm enjoying single life.. and hey at this status i get to go out with different guys at the same time.. no one holding me or telling me what not and what to do (but hey when was the time someone has ordered me arnd teeling me what not and what to do?) anyways... i cant say more but sgouting on the top of my lungs how much i miss everyone in here... tracy, steven, reiko, ian, anne, kahuna, treebs... steff, kik, annski, king, sarah and all those peeps i fail to mention.. i miss u guys so much.. and bendover and molly too!!! oh god!!! i just love getting back in here... love ya all!!! | |
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i got 15 days suspension for work!!!!  reason: insuborsination... i was caught chatting on msn... cant explain much.. just that i wont be getting any salary on the next pay day.. and i'll miss my friends on tfs cuz my pc's shut down on me that's why i dont get to go online that much.... i miss you guys you know who you are.... | |
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| somebody stole my jolly temperament.. i've been in a sullen state ever since... please give me back my jolly temperament cuz i miss it badly.. i miss laughing... please give it back... | |
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i'm going out of town on sunday... me and some of my colleagues are going to subic... it's one of those places where they have great beaches.. i love the beach so much and i just feel bad cuz ert couldn't come... they haven't got a new driver so he has to drive his dad around still... i really wish he could come...  | |
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| i really hate it.. i'm still in a sullen mood... and i really dont know why.. it's been more than a week since my boyfriend came home and still we haven't seen each other. i really hate it cuz he's so busy... i feel like i'm being so childish for not trying to understand. the point is im really trying to understand... god help me i do try my best but i lately i've been acting like a kid around him like throwing temper tantrums... i was like i hate you.. you don't have time for me anymore.. cuz i feel like it that he hasn't got enough time to spend it with me... last friday i learned that my much awaited out of town trip together was cancelled cuz his dad's driver left. and he has to drive his dad around (his dad can't drive). and he continues to be one until they get a new one... we barely got time to talk over the phone cuz it's either hes on a meeting or he's too tired... i really hate it cuz i dont usually feel this way.. and i dont really ACT LIKE THIS WITH MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS... damn!! i dunno where to vent this out cuz i really feel stupid ranting at him cuz he's so damn sweet when i yell at him over the phone... | |
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Perfect Day Lyrics
by Hoku
Sun's up
A little after twelve
Make breakfast for myself
Leave the work for someone else
People say
They say that it's just a phase
They tell me to act my age,
Well I am
On this perfect day,
Nothing's standing in my way
On this perfect day,
When nothing can go wrong
It's the perfect day,
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I could stay, forever as I am
On this perfect day
Sun's down
A little after ten
I pick up all my friends
In my Mercedes-Benz
Wake up
Don't tell me it's just a dream
'Cause when I've had enough
You'll hear me say,
Now don't you try to rain on my
Perfect day,
Nothing's standing in my way
On this perfect day,
Nothing can go wrong
It's the perfect day,
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I could stay, forever as I am
On this perfect day
La la la
La la la,
Oh, oh
I'm in the race
But I've already won
(La la la)
And getting there can
Be half the fun
(La la la)
So don't stop me
Till I'm good and done,
Don't you try to rain on my
Perfect day
It's the perfect day
It's the perfect day
Nothing's gonna bring me down
I could stay, forever as I am
On this perfect day
Nothing's standing in my way,
On this perfect day,
Nothing can go wrong
I'm in the race
But I've already won
And getting there can
Be half the fun,
So don't stop me
Till I'm good and done,
Don't you try to rain on my
Perfect, day
On this perfect day
On this perfect day
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hohum...
