"Ruler of All"  taintedblue_i
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--------, United Kingdom
Joined: Feb 2006 |
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Last night was the worst night in weeks. I hadn't been sad for a whole week, but last night suddenly it all weighed me down and I couldn't stop myself.
After a couple of hours I actually went downstairs, grabbed the Yellow Pages and tried to find a psychiatrist, but it jusrt said "See Medical Practioners" so I'd have to find out if the Doctor's surgery offered psychiactric help and I was really frustrated.
I couldn't stay in that room. The dark was thick and wrapping itself me, trying to choke me. My nose and throat was so clogged after all the crying that I could barely breathe. I could only just breathe through my mouth a little, but it was really hard. I was gasping and the duvet was drawn over my mouth and I had to wrench it off so I wouldn't suffocate. I imagined my pale, cold body, lying peacefully, just as they would find me. I wondered if he would come, and kiss my cold, lifeless lips.
I took my duvet and went downstairs, through the Ash living roo, through the hallway, through the kitchen and into the main living room. I curled up on the couch, trying to quieten my sobs so as not to wake anyone.
Then it camr to me: if I went to a psychiatrist they might cure me. But without this, I wouldn't be me. I don't know who I'd be without it. They'd make me into someone else if they took away that, made me better. I don't know anything else. I've been this way for so long. I mean, for God's sake, I've been making myself bleed since I was seven, they'd stop me from doing that, wouldn't they? And they'd stop me from being angry. If I wasn't angry, people could just do what they want. I'm not letting them. I've been used already. No cures. Most of my suspicions are wrong, just me being paranoid, but if I wasn't paranoid, I'd trust people, and then they'd hurt me.
If they cure me, they'll take away everything that makes me me. | |
MonkeyMadness
Lord of your mum
| When they 'cure' you they dont change you, you will always be you, its all part of what makes you different  |
taintedblue_i
| @monkeymadness Said When they 'cure' you they dont change you, you will always be you, its all part of what makes you different
without it I am nothign though, I wouldn't know who I was |
MonkeyMadness
Lord of your mum
| @taintedblue_i Said without it I am nothign though, I wouldn't know who I was
It will always be there, things cant just be erased without a trace, you could just find yourself coping better with it instead of destroying it  |
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Progress Report:my life
August 16, 2006 @ 10:30:16 am
