I havent updated my journal in like a month! Now the problem is I cant really remember what has happened in that month! All I know is I've been really busy with work and not had much chance to do anything really touristy or canadian. Which is a real shame, because I am a tourist as well as student, but it seems I'm not being allowed to be a tourist/traveller.
I have been getting a lil' depressed and stressed but who wouldnt in my position! Ok... I think I remember what I've been up to. Basically getting house inspections, fire drills and stuff done for my job within the place I live. Thats been pretty cool since I get to socialise with a lot of people in co-op. Still a bit s*** when have to run out at 3 o'clock in the morning to let ppl into their room cos they're locked out. I cant remember if mentioned it, but I had break into someones bathroom after they had been trapped in there for 2 hours.
Super STE!
My weekends have been pretty much going out to house parties or clubs and then doing very little in the way of work. s*** really. I have tried my best to get stuff done.
Last week I had mid-terms. I did so much revision for them and was very confident then went into my quantum mechanics exam and almost threw up. Saying it was a hard exam just isnt enough. I know 110% I'm not gonna pass this QM courses but hey, I'll sure be good at it when go back to manchester. My EM course is going fine. I did my hmwk before for it and well... its basically on one page of A4... thats a little suspicious it usually more like 4 pages!
OH! I did get the chance to sort of get out of Toronto though. I went for a walk at 7.30 in the morning with some random people around some of the parks and creeks. Was so weird. We didnt walk far but you felt like were in the countryside. The trees were so nice in their fall colours and stuff. Made me feel so much more alive for the long day ahead!
NOW... onto how I feel.
Okay... I do love it here and would love to stay over xmas and get some travelling done but at the same time I also want to go home! The courses here are so hard and its starting to grate on me a little. I just want some time away from work.
There are also times when I'll get into these fits of depressive thoughts, such as I'm not smart enough to be here, I have no friends, no point thinking 'bout relationships whilst I'm here because they're just not going to happen etc...
Okay the last one about relationships is something I'm starting to realise I'm making a big point about in my life. Its not that I'm particularly focusing on any girls in particular but I so do feel like I'm gonna be lonely for rest of my time. I just feel incompatible with everyone, boy and girl. How could u like me?!?
Crazy thoughts I know! But, anything to not think about physics or campus co-op!
Oh... photo's of toronto will soon appear... when I get round to it! |