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On September 05, 2007 richy


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Some Personal Hell, United Kin
Joined: Feb 2006

My Stats
Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Some Personal Hell
Greater London
United Kingdom
Posts: 547
PLS: ? 47.5
Joined:: Feb 18, 2006
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Tears Of A Fallen Angel
- TFS


Public entry Kerrang Awards!
August 25, 2006 @ 06:40:16 pm
Went to kerrang awards... although didnt go in, got stuck behind barriers an met lots of nice people!
and chatted s*** for about ten minutes that christina scabbia (lacuna coil) had just walked into the awards at one point! even though taking back sunday were about, i couldnt care less coz i had just seen christina scabbia!
Aiden were well nice... only coz the guys i went with knew them!... which was nice! an even though i really cant stand panic at the disco, they were actually really friendly guys, one of them ended up going down our end of the barried high fiving everyone! plus i met meatloaf and angus young as well as got lead singer of less than jake to speak to my mate on the phone!
then managed to get into the after show party! holy mother of christ! even going there was cool... i was in a cab with Aiden... an then angel from aiden scored me a ticket to get in!... serious legend although he was drunk, they had just won an award after all so he had excuse! and ended up walking in with lead singer of bullet for my valentine, mastodon and angel from aiden!
the rest of the night was really just a f***ing sick nite! i met kerry king of slayer! which was nice! an fightstar again to name one of a few (p.s. omah rocks)! an awwww the automatic are so nice, love pennie so much! well short though! was pissed off from a ville valo no show, but free jagermeister an carling made up for that!
however left at about 2 in the morning and spent three hours trying to get home to have 3hours sleep before full day of work! but yer it rawked!
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Public entry ...well things...
August 07, 2006 @ 08:18:37 pm
well things there starting to get well out of hand!
i hate the way things are feeling right now
the person i love has just finished things permanantly, an that sucks because its because of them i chose a certain uni, i still wanna go there even though it stands for something!
it also sucks because i put myself on a certain phone tariff because of her, so i had more cred to chat to her! now thats down the f***ing drain!
on top of this i really hate the fact that i lost stefficles as my best friend, she was always there, i f***ed things up and got a second chance an screwed that up, and made a final blow by b****ing about her behind her back! i really hate that iv lost her as well!
steph if your reading this im really sorry! i hope that we can fill the void again one day! an maybe meet up and see how each other been!
however its so stupid these past few months iv lost everything and just about everyone who ever trully meant something to me!
i feel so alone!
the only thing that keeps me going is results day next week an i wanna know, and then things going well hopefully see dear elmo! who is brilliant to chat to, however as her internet f***ed up recently i havnt been able to chat to her, as was allways cool!
life never was wat it was cracked up to be!

Work in progress!

Tear out my eyes!
My blackened eyes that haunt my stare
tear them out so I no longer have to stare
Stare upon the hate that you left me

I
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Public entry My Heart Still Bleeds
March 07, 2006 @ 09:51:03 pm
Below is a selection of writings from my break up a few weeks ago, (if you remember, or in the case you dont know, it was a year long relationship and definatly my first true love!) and in these writing i was able to find some sort of sanctury and also release for hatred, pain, and grief! hope you enjoy them, although some are very dark! I felt that sharing these writings will help me, and let me show how i can trully feel deep inside when im suffering at the hands of my depression! i hope to get some feedback, wether you liked the stuff or not!
hope you enjoy

first of all is a writing from less than an hour after the break up! as yet remains un-titled! i will state however that the grammer is poor, and i have problems even myself understanding what i was attempting to reach out to, within this writing as my state of mind at that point was clouded from my concious self, and just wrote what came into my head!

its these words i hate, the look upon the face of death flowing one side to the next as i drift to a state of one eternal hate.
thouse times we spent, huddled, cuddled, and smothered by love falling to a state that will haunt me forever.
try as i may i cant express, wanten feelings that cant express shame i will i feel no hate, only that which haunts me still.
shall unto this bed be cursed the feeling first shared unto that eternal curse.
it haunts me still what we have shared, and will forever be heard still.
i wished for one more kiss, but all i have to show, is that final bow, of still and bleeding red life.
maybe i shall not remain in this state, but return from whence, in this life i obtained this hate.
grant me one kiss i shall not, but retain glory, and hatred still. shall you ever i have feeling, except that of which im grieving!

the next piece is from a few days later, after i found out that my ex-gf had replaced me the same day of the break up with someone else.

The blanket of my hate

why is it, this pains me still, so the look upon my face has yet to change so i look back and turn to the light of my life. i hate the way it shines, the light of my life darkening day by day, by the blanket that is held over
oh i hate you, the blanket held over that light, the way it hides me from who i am, holding me from what i can achieve. i would kill, to see you now, show you how i feel, and feel your pulse fade away.
my light allthough short lived, burns brighter now, than yours has ever. oh how i wish i could destroy you, the way you destroyed me turn my life around and move on from the hate that burns, burns in the corner of my eye.
and to you the blanket, may my light burn you away and show you, show you that life is not a farce, but the way we all hurt, hurt each other, and the revenge of light upon the blankets that and the true lights within us.
may you burn away quietly, and take my dignity with before i repay the hate you have passed onto me.

the third and final piece for now comes from a couple of days after "the blanket of my hate" and comes at a point where suicide WAS an option on my mind!
this writing is still of yet un-titled!

the darkness of the figure standing tall in front of me. it haunts my heart, his face blackened, blackened by the souls he has taken.
the darkness it comes to me still seeking me, trying to hold me and take from me the least cherished of my gifts.
for unto whom, who may mish to take it upon to themselves, they may take it for what upon there bidding that they may wish to take my hearts and soul.
this chamber it awaits your cold touch to open it, and upon remove its dark, haunted soul.
i long to embrace his cold dark touch, and take me from this hated chamber. upon which if it be not not my time, i call you with the bleeding red life that pours from my wrists
but i beg you, upon your cold touch may i grace your blackened face, to see what upon you have hidden from me.
but the rams head that holds above my shoulder pulls me from this place and sends me to a place i have longed to embrace, free from chamber, and heart, and the pain that haunts me on this plain
take me now, and allow for me to be forever happy and forever at peace.
i beg of you!
Current Music: It Dies Today
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Public entry Where to start
February 19, 2006 @ 05:53:43 pm
So first journal entry then... erm... yer hi im rich
if uve read a couple of my posts u may know by now that as i write this im in a very dark stage in my life, iv just come out of year long relationship with what i would defo call my first true love... even worse is that the break up happened 2days after valentines... and although i think it was a mutual thing, im still quite shook up by it... in short because my now ex gf, doesnt want to have any contact with me wat so eva... even short convos on the phone appear to be very cold. but hey... il get over it... lets just hope sooner rather than later!
so if ure reading this... an u wanna chat, or get to kno me better p.m. me or wateva... my emails prob in the corner somewhere so u can add me on msn if ya like!

Toodles for now!
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