so far this year i have been trying to find myself i know it is something we all do espically in are younger years but for me it is something so much more...i have become a ghost image of a hollow shell my soul is at a stale-mate war agaisnt its self and it leaves me detached from the world around me my world is a blur of images that have no meaning nothing matters when i am like this but there is window short glimpses of pure emotion be they happy or sad or anything between they are intense and overwhelming and for that moment i more connected to that person or thing than anything in the world. It has become the same for my thoughts my mind is blank until those moments to where i am connected with something and then everything makes sense. As of right now i feel nothing and i am thinking nothing my thoughts are presnted to me by the mind that resides within me and i type them out for those to read. The ghost the shawdow the vessel the things i have found myself to be but know that there is a ture self underneath these mirages of what are shown. lost in this battle my soul is fighting. For awhile i thought i found myself but relized it is not me just a diffrent version what could be. The darkness that lies before me in not from sorrow but from uncertanty. i do not know what or who i am or what or who i could or might become i wander now lost within myself an endless search for the answer to the stranger in the mirror my hollow twin in the silvery reflextion shows what i am yet i do not see it so close i am to myslef yet i have become unatable because of this battle my soul wages against its self and here i am the person some of you know but yet i am not i am the vail to my true self. And so i continue to search for who i am and hope to one day to find the answer for this life of hollow detachment is not for me. Current Music: Demonolgy and Heartache~Atreyu
OMG! it was f***ing amazing i was on stage like 10 times and i ran and jumped off my friends back i got socked in the lip i was the last one standing in a mosh pit i did a stage i got a hug from the lead singer of Aiden because i lost another shoe lol i went crowd sufring like the entire time oooo and i got hit in the head with a bottle one of the guys from Alexisonfire it was a crazy good time i help launch people into the crowd alot too this one really small girl she had to way like 100 pounds me and my friend picked her up and tossed her like 6 feet into the air lol i still have that buzz you get from a good show and for injuries i got a messed up elbow from being launched into the mosh pit and hiting someones spine my head hurts cause when i ran up my friends back and dove into the crowd i headbutted someone sqaure int the face and some like 250 pound guy landed on my ribs in a mosh pit so that hurts and i got a wicked cut on my other arm i dont know where i came from lol and of course my lip that has a pretty b****in blood blister lol...and thats not even all of what happend just what i can remember lol
something that made me laugh April 27, 2006 @ 01:30:04 pm
just recently i have been dressing alot more like me and today i walked in to school with eyeliner and clothes that could be described as emo but anyway my friend looks at me and said you look like something out of a good charlotte video! i laughed my a** off it was so random and funny at the same time i guess you had to be there
i wanna get my lip peirced April 26, 2006 @ 01:52:47 pm
i wanna get my lip peirced and well my parents are totaly against but i really want to! ive wanted to for like a year now along with getting my ear pierced my mom might let me do that though.
my step dad on the other hand he gets made when i wear anything black his is furoius with me that ifinaly started dressing how I want to. he says that people wont like me if i dress like i am but i dont care what people think so meh whatever he is really just afraid of me bringing down his socail status
i think i forgot how to sleep April 24, 2006 @ 02:40:12 am
i have barly slept for the past 2 weeks due to spring break and now that i have school tommarow i cant fall asleep! im ganna probably end up sleeping through english....again
it makes you feel good April 24, 2006 @ 12:21:33 am
i went to the mall today and i actauly took the time to brush my hair and stuff before i went and i got a bunch of smiling stares as i walked by i cant help but feel good about it
the endless search
i guess you had to be there 
im ganna probably end up sleeping through english....again
i cant help but feel good about it 