Haven't heard from L since the 24th. On my part, I handled my responses to her believing I was some oppressive force to be reckoned with with all the initial grace of a bull stampeding through a china shop.
I wasn't rude, but I wasn't happy either. I waited a few days, getting no response, so I elaborated my thoughts some more, telling her I didn't know what she expected of me but I wasn't going to sit happy while having these assumptions pushed upon me.
And I told her that this was getting in the way of us trying to regain a friendship. I put, lamely stated here, the ball in her park, so to speak. I said I wasn't going to be the one to email her second-guessing myself without a reason. That if she emailed I would reply prompt as always.
And as I said, I haven't heard back from her since the 24th. I had to give myself closure because she wouldn't. I never called her a bad word. Not once. But I will now. She's being ridiculous, but for all the well-wishes I can muster, I hope that she enjoys being alone until she dies at 45 from a heart attack or something (these are NOT my words; she has stated that that is the way she wants to go. Die young and alone. Whatever.).
And here is where I go lament about the negativity of being involved with other people. I've turned people down. Never RUDELY, but if I'm not interested I simply will not waste your time.
However, 3 times now I've let people in. Guess who eventually breaks it off? Not me! I'm progressing romantically. I try to not be the bumbling 17 year old I once was. I've been more open, opinionated, and loving than I was back then. And here is the true "woe is me" bit. I open myself up and they're the ones to slam that door shut.
Methinks even polite turn-aways brings about some bad karma.
I did sign up for eHarmony because I was bored. A 40 minute questionnaire later and I have matches (though I haven't paid so I can't talk). And 2 guys have already tried contacting me. Again, it's not paid for so I can't email BACK. Which is sad.
I told mom and she said "How about for Christmas I buy you a month?"
Just so you know, a BASIC account with eHarmony for a month's subscription is $60!! OH MY GOD. |