The pain is never gone, i cant even be mad at you, but you make my heart hurt so often these days, i dont know how to move on but I do, your laughter, your smile, it haunts my mind, your voice ringing in my ears is just really too hard to bear, I see you like you once were and i miss that bond we had back then, now its gone forever and i only hope to see you again, i smile for you and your babies, my heart swells with tortured love, i dread this holiday, cuz its the first without you, i remember the last still fresh in my mind, the song we sang as the phone rang, your funny faces and damn it the alchohol you loved so much, we all did what you did then but we were lucky i guess and i learned a lesson from your death but id rather have learned it another way. I never could learn the easy way but why did you have to make the example for me, i needed you more than that, there were several you couldve called but oh no, im good, I can hear you saying it, and now we all are paying for it. Im not mad at you, i just miss you with all my heart and i wish i could see you one more time and tell you bye like before youre going on a trip instead of dealing with your death, i dont know if ill ever be able to get a grip on the emptyness you have left in my life, i know others are suffering worse than i but it doesnt help me when i cry, i need you to know i love you so and i always will, you arent alone, you never were, but help me know that youre ok and maybe i can feel less sad some day.