Is it my fault? I wonder sometimes what happened to me. I guess there's no real way to know. Ever feel like you lost yourself? I have. I do. I'm never quite sure what my problem is. I try my best to keep on a happy face, but that gets hard after faking for so long. I remember when I used to have Eva everyday. Go to sleep with my baby, wake up to my baby, feed my baby, play with my baby and more. All after I quit Domino's. I had some part time jobs after that, but usually I was with the baby while Jeff worked. It was nice not having to work doubles anymore and show up to early Monday meetings discussing food and labor percentages. It was nice to be home and be with the baby all day. Then I started working again. Like crazy. I don't have huge responsibility at this job. Just a lot of hours. And since Jeff and I broke up, I barely see Eva, since we no longer are living together. Now I only see her on weekends, and Tuesday nights-Wednesday. But I didn't even get her tonight. It gets to me sometimes. I miss that little girl. She's my everything. But I like being alone when I can be. I was seeing this guy recently but that didn't work. He was way too needy for me. Maybe he isn't so needy, but for me it was too much. Just always on my ass. I begged for my space and it made the b**** inside me come out. Now we're broken up and he still doesn't give me space. And talks about how torturous this is. It's all bulls***. You're 31, get over it. I like my privacy. I like to stay in by myself sometimes. And if we're together, I like to watch TV without holding hands. I like to lay down and talk without kissing and cuddling. I like to cook without being groped. I just like to act regular. Not act like a couple all the time. It was so annoying. I don't like feeling like property. I wanna feel like your equal. If you ask me for space, I'll give it to you. Invading someone's space and privacy is wrong. Why would you wanna do that? It's not fair. And then I get called selfish? Please, go cry somewhere else. I haven't been single in forever. f*** Jeff and f*** this dude. Nobody f***ing cares what I want. I'm so fed up with all this s***. Call me a liar, call me selfish, call me cruel. But at the end of the day, you're no longer with me. And nobody gets it while they still have time. It's always when you're gone and then you still have to listen to it. f***ing lost your chance. It's time I think about me. And what I want. That's what my life is for. Sorry.