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"Steffie Dola"
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Stoke on Trent, United Kingdom
Joined: Nov 2014

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Age: 29
Gender: F
Location: Stoke on Trent
East Midlands
United Kingdom
Posts: 75
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Joined:: Nov 15, 2014
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SteffieDola
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Am I being unreasonable?
June 30, 2015 @ 10:55:29 pm
I have been with my partner just shy of a year. The first 3 months were great, he would cuddle me and kiss me and constantly say nice cute things.

He hasnt done any of this recently, so today i said to him it would be nice if he were to say nice things to me again. His response was that i am self centred if I want him to say nice things to me. So obviously this turn into a argument and he has now got into bed and gone to sleep without trying to sort it. I cant sleep due to the fact that falling out with him upsets me. With him just going to bed it has made me feel like he doesnt care at all. Just wondering what your views on this are?

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Leon

New Post! June 30, 2015 @ 11:32:05 pm
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No, you're not being unreasonable. Many people need words of affection to feel that their partner is fulfilling them. No, not everyone does, but others often need something else, such as constant physical affection, regular quality time spent together, stuff always done without asking, physical gifts, or a combination of these to feel fulfillment. And that is something that usually doesn't change. The unfortunate thing is that, while a couple may fulfill their partners in the first year or two, which is why they fall in love, it often tapers off afterwards as people get comfortable with each other, get used to each other, and back to behaving their normal selves even with the other person now around.

There are obviously three things you can do. Try and fix this, accept it and adjust, or leave him. If you choose to do the former, I suggest reading and sharing with him the book "The 5 Love Languages", where I got the above information from. If he won't have anything to do with it, then I suggest you somehow find out what HIS needs are from the above, from YOU, and give it to him regularly. More likely than not, you will be amazed with what this does to the relationship, even if it initially is just coming from your efforts.

If none of this works, which could happen (maybe he's just not as much into you anymore), you are left with the other two options, and a decision which is better for you in the long run.


Willi

New Post! June 30, 2015 @ 11:59:20 pm
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tell him he changed, and show him how?


SteffieDola

New Post! July 01, 2015 @ 12:02:35 am
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@Willi Said

tell him he changed, and show him how?



Ive told him he has changed and his reply was, stop trying to change my personality


Willi

New Post! July 01, 2015 @ 12:13:58 am
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@SteffieDola Said

Ive told him he has changed and his reply was, stop trying to change my personality



you can say "I loved who I married, I'd like him back".


Electric_Banana

New Post! July 01, 2015 @ 07:30:20 pm
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Affirmation

Glory

Males receive very little of this unless they are
rich or God.

Males are rejected and criticized all the time.

Hence why they have a hard time relating to others desire for affirmation.


yami

New Post! July 03, 2015 @ 06:00:30 pm
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Never go to be on an argument. Sorry he fired this back at you, but you should tell him how you feel and see why he thinks this about you.


SlyFox

New Post! July 05, 2015 @ 05:41:29 pm
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often this means that a man has lost interest however lots of men are like this at the start, especially those who just like the chase.

sometimes it's because the woman is a little clingy. I would give him a dose of his own medicine.


LuckyCharms

Magically Delicious

New Post! July 05, 2015 @ 06:29:48 pm
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Honestly?

No you are not being unreasonable.

You may be being a bit clingy. Can't say for sure.

However his response is the only response you need. He doesn't care enough to listen and work it out.

Don't give him so much importance in your life. Trust me on this. You've only been with him a few months. Make him earn the value you assign to him.


white_swan53

New Post! July 05, 2015 @ 06:46:24 pm
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Choose a time when both of you are relaxed or at least have nothing pending , like a game on the TV or an appointment with the hair dresser ,,,
And calmly tell him what it is you are missing or what is changed.
Don't make it sound like you are finger pointing .
If all you get from him is more name calling "self centred "
or demands not to change him , then you need to do some serious soul searching and decide what it is you want in a relationship and if you can adjust to this change in the one you are in .
Do not allow him to make it sound as if it's all your doing or you that has 'rocked the boat' remember "it takes two to make it or two to break it.


Hypnotica

New Post! July 08, 2015 @ 08:30:26 am
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Does he have anything going on in his life that may have put him under presure? I
Do you suffer from OCD? Reassurance Seeking
Have you stopped the sex?
Have their been any other changes?

Personally I would say force him to talk about it, confront him and dont take no for an answer. If you are just letting him go to sleep and not actually doing anything, then you are setting the precedent that this sort of behavior is ok.

PS, this video is not me.




Stonowsky

New Post! August 19, 2015 @ 04:57:12 am
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If I had one at home in bed I'd be happy with that. He probably can't deal with what's on his mind. If there is one of you that have to get your way, then let it go and let him lead and you find away to shape that into your life if he's a good catch and you're going to keep him.It's not good of a woman to brow beat the male.


LuckyCharms

Magically Delicious

New Post! August 19, 2015 @ 08:47:43 pm
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@Stonowsky Said

If I had one at home in bed I'd be happy with that. He probably can't deal with what's on his mind. If there is one of you that have to get your way, then let it go and let him lead and you find away to shape that into your life if he's a good catch and you're going to keep him.It's not good of a woman to brow beat the male.



It's not good for anyone to browbeat anyone. Male, female or hermaphrodite.

They've been together three months. I think the level of commitment you are telling her to make is not the level of commitment that he has earned.


Stonowsky

New Post! September 04, 2015 @ 03:31:36 am
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Well, there isn't either one leading and maybe browbeat wasn't a fair description, but their commitment isn't that either. If he is tired he is going to go to bed anyhow and that goes without saying she wants his attention to her but maybe he wants the same. and since it isn't the same then he calls her self centered. That's good with a partner marriage, and kids. Sounds more like singles wanting to be single, but it is not unreasonable for her to want the attention he has given, and he should lead if he wants from her what he has given her so she /they can have a relationship.

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