Not Long till I'll have to go to court, and face him. January 24, 2009 @ 05:26:20 pm
I told him he doesn't have to, family beats friendship. But he's going against anyways. My friends are going against Andy aswell.
His parents, well they threatned me if he goes to jail. Er? Yeah they're his parents but he needs to go to jail. What kind sicko does this to a young teenage girl?
Have to admit though, after he first done it, it doesn't hurt as much anymore. But still I f***ing despise the f***er.
Ohgod, I remember when I actually wanted to f*** him, I thought it'd be fun. With the person I loved. Cared for. Shared laughs with. Held hands with. Kissed. After it happened. Was it worth it? No. Because when it's under force. It's the most horrible feeling ever. You can't fight back because you're scared. You feel like screaming, but you can't hear anything coming out. You feel dizzy, but you can't pass out. You feel like you're bleeding in a million places, but you have no wounds.
The feeling may be different for others, but no words could truly describe how I actually felt.
You know what? I'd have rather lost it with the guy I am with right now. The one who makes me cry tears of joy, the one who makes me smile for real, the one who never lets go.
I want it to be him, but the past can't be undone.
I blame Andy for a number of things that have gone wrong.
And until February the 10th, until he's locked away for good.
That's the day I'll begin to truly heal. Current Music: Heilig - TH
Something I should've told you a long time ago. December 25, 2008 @ 03:05:50 pm
I'm not looking for your damn sympathy, I would've told you ages ago, if I wasn't scared. To be frank, I couldn't care less if you died today, infact.. I would be glad. The pain you put me through, I think you need to know what that did to me. Oh please, you might aswell know, afterall, your going to go jail anyways, for sum of 15 years? Maybe more. Believe me. I'm doing everything I can to make you rot in jail.
I don't think you understand what pain is, a simple punch in the stomach? Oh no, it's far worse than that. It's something that kills you inside. One day, I swear my f***ing revenge on you, I'm going to hurt you so much you will cry blood. I'm going to brutally hurt you, I swear. I may not be strong enough right now, but when you get out, I'm gonna sure as hell be the strongest girl you've ever seen. And I'm going to make you cry, maybe plead for mercy. I'm tired of running away from you, I'm tired of waking up crying. I'm going to end this, whatever the cost.
Do you know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, sometimes even waking up to find you've clawed yourself so deep, that you're bleeding. Oh, don't worry, that's only pain on the outside.
No this isn't a f***ing love story, it's far worse.
Maybe I can make you f***ing realise what emotional pain is, I mean might aswell try. It's not like you'd understand.
If you'd understand, I'dve told you ages ago, but I haven't, why? Because you are f***ing sicko.
f*** you, you can't even give me one minute, of thinking everythings okay. Each time I try to relax, I cry, I start hurting myself, I start harming myself. Literally.
I was almost f***ing suicidal because of you, I'm not joking, and if you think this is funny. Oh, I'll show you funny. You probably don't even know the words.
Oh but you wouldn't, you know why? You're a f***ing selfish bastard.
That's why, one who only thinks of himself, never another.
Would you even care if something happened to me? No, because you hurt me more then anyone else did in the world. I'm only beginning to heal right now. Maybe when you go behind bars, maybe then I'd heal? No. Let me explain to you.
You made me feel special, you made me feel f***ing happy. Was this all to get back at someone? When I said no, you made me. This made me unstable. Even coming out to people, made me cry.
You thought I'd never tell anyone, did you? Wrong, now the whole world, well at least everyone back here will know what a f***ing sicko you really are.
I've talked to the others, who were victims to you, who felt like they've loved you, 25 years maximum in jail? I hope it's more, I hope it's f***ing life.
The day you die.
Is the day I celebrate.
Let me put it this way; I truly hate you. Current Music: Disturbed - Indestructible
Leaving TFS Forever October 26, 2008 @ 11:13:46 am
I just don't think it's as good as its used to be.
It's changed, and I miss the old TFS.
I got a social life, and I use Myspace for 10 minutes and then go out with some friends.
I don't need the internet apart from checking emails, and adding pictures and homework.
Bye TFS, bye internet.
Friends' Friend Died. October 05, 2008 @ 12:17:02 pm
I dunno what to do with her, I mean I've only known her for a while, but I can really relate to her story.
Seeing as the guy died of drug overdose that's pretty much the same way my sister died.. Current Music: Control - Metro Station
I'm back with Ryan after admitting my feelings to him.
Seriously, we're best friends. We dated for a while, and people started judging us on that.
Seriously, if we're in love nothing can stop that, we're back together, and f*** the people who are against that.
This is a true, close love to be honest. Jaim = Ryan by the way, it's his middle name, and is pronounced jam, so it's cool, and I call him that. Current Music: Wish we were older - Metro Station