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On May 04, 2022 Kullik358


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Nairn, United Kingdom
Joined: Dec 2021

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Age: 28
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Location: Nairn
Scotland
United Kingdom
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Joined:: Dec 03, 2021
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Kullik358
TFS Journal


Public entry Who i was and where i am and what this meant to me
December 06, 2021 @ 08:00:52 am
I started using this site in 2007, its amazing to me how long ago that is, i was barely 14 and online connecting with strangers, posting cringe-worthy nonsense and arguing about religion.
I can barely look at the old posts i made, the pointless awful threads and whiny self pitying journals.
But its also very easy to relate, because i remember those exact feelings, the intense isolation and anger, i remember just how angry it'd make me to see the 100th version of the watchmaker argument in some stupid religious thread, or to come home after being rejected by a girl at school or college, and feel like i was going to be alone forever and that i was simply incapable of being loved, or to see a funny video or a cool song online and feel like if i shared it here, everyone would think i was so cool and would like me more and think i had a great sense of humor or was a real patron of good art.
These intense emotions shaped me, and most are documented on this weird decaying website.
I wonder how many remember me, probably few, seeing most of my posts now i see a lot of white noise, ignored posts, things designed to seem kooky and random that were just made up nonsense or references to things no one could conceivably understand.
If any do remember me at all it'd likely be the ones who I insulted, i was so full of anger at religion and social conservatism, through at the time i mostly blamed it all on the religion, i knew very little of what i know now, i used to spend hours watching videos of religious arguments get debunked, and see videos of insane creationists making ridiculous arguments, i craved seeing them put in their place, and came here to try do it myself, what i mostly found were just normal religious people, there were a few who were quite out there, but mostly just normal folk, but i grouped them all together and attacked relentlessly, spewing all sorts of vile language.
If anyone remembers me that way then i apologise, that's not who i am now or really who i ever was, i was just looking for a target.
I think the reason im making this post is just to reflect on what TFS meant to me, it was an outlet, a way to talk about school or my mental state in a semi anonymous way and hear feedback from people. If anyone remembers what i was like back then i'd really love to hear your thoughts, if you'd like to know more about me now then please ask.
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