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"Merveilles de myst"
On October 23, 2016 IndieMonet727


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, Texas
Joined: Jul 2011

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Age: 32
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IndieMonet727
TFS Journal


Public entry Summer is coming...
May 04, 2016 @ 11:45:25 pm
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Public entry Everyone is getting so old
November 23, 2014 @ 04:52:13 am
I am at that point in my life, where it's the critical moment where you really start to focus in on this 'Adulthood' thing.

I feel like, though I am making progress within my life, it's slow going. I thought I would be in the north by now, in my own apartment, living my own life the way I want to live it.
That hasn't happened.
And I'm not bummed about it. It's just, compared to everyone around me, I'm pretty much the same girl from my freshman year in college. (The first time around)


I reconnected with a friend I've known since I was in Highschool, on FB. Back then, he kind've reminded me of a Beatle. Back when they were really young and fresh faced. Lots of energy, had lots to say, had a VERY English accent, always talking about music, always talking about an Al Pacino movie, never was pervy, but had this kind've, 60's coolness to him.

I see him today....and he looks like someone's dad.
He has cut....his hair.
REPEAT.
CUT his hair.
He's even wearing Khakis. o.O

Now, I know I'm not that same girl stomping around in Harley boots and too much eye liner, but I still feel like there's a sliver of the girl I used to be, inside me. That even though I have grown up, and I'm paying bills, and I'm doing this and doing that, I am still that 17 year old girl who just wants to travel for a year and half and make new experiences. Everyone else seem to have morphed in to totally different people. They are soooo focused in on their careers (I am too, but not that damn much)Or their relationships.

Around me, everyone seems to be having babies.
Everyone seems to be getting married.
Or getting girlfriends.
Even the ones, that couldn't stake their LIFE on getting a girl to even say Hi.

I'm 24.
It's 2014.
I'm still in this city.
Still living with my mom.
Still going to U of H (but studying something entirely different from my previous degree)
I'm still mommy #2
I haven't had a single boyfriend all year. (Which is new, but I'm actually liking it)

It just feels weird to be the only one standing still at the moment, when I wasn't always....like...this.

I hate talking to old friends or family members, because they always ask if I had a job (Which, seriously? That's next to impossible at the moment) Or if I'm dating someone. None of that is happening. None of that is GOING to happen, for a looooong time.

When is this going to end. 4 years?
I don't think so.

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Public entry I think theres a pattern! I think life is telling me to follow it!
April 05, 2014 @ 11:09:09 pm
I think life is telling me to date only facially specific men!

It seems like I only have a good time/have things in common with, are those guys. And they really like me too! Its just hard for me to be....well...sexually attracted to them. But romantically, I'm all theirs!

I went out on a date with a guy from OKCupid last night. First time I have ever been out with a guy that I have met online that I did NOT message/text/phone for over a month. It was more like, 3 days worth of messaging on OKCupid. Big mistake. But he seemed none serial killer-ish, so I gave him a chance.

He was nice enough. But really didn't have anything in common, and he seemed to fail at conversing. I felt like somehow I had been given the job of keeping up the chitchat, and I had to keep it going, at all costs. And he wasn't making it easy for me. Short, monosyllable answers, that never really answered my questions, so therefor, I really didn't have any clue about who this person was. By the mid point of the date, I just wanted to slam my forehead repeatedly against the table, it was so painful.

I noticed....that certain men that look a certain way.....generally are....as dull as a box of rusty, used, pissed on nails.
Its like they have no LIFE inside of them.
The man I was out with last night, is what our media infused society would call attractive. Six pack, bulging biceps, great smile, good hair, dressed well, he even SMELLED good. Not what I usually go out with!


And yet, all that fancy packaging....for nothing.

I have begun to reflect, and have come to the conclusion that the guys I was the most happiest with, a lot of people wouldn't give a second glance to. They had captured my heart in their unique individual ways, and THATS what I should be looking for. Yes, they may not necessarily had captured my LOINS, but.... whats more enriching, hot sweaty sex, or hours of laughing and verbal stimulation with someone who really does get me, and I get them, and feel the most myself with?


I guess looks really DO matter.
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Public entry A perfectly well balanced rant.
December 10, 2013 @ 11:25:07 pm
I was at Aldi.

At Aldi, they only have two freaking lanes open at a time. Today, only one. There was a huge line of people going back towards the frozen food aisle, waiting to be checked out.

It was finally my turn. I had six items in my basket, I was putting them up on the conveyer belt, when the cashier tells the man behind me to go around me, so she can check HIM out. And I was like, whoa. I was here first, why would you tell him to just step around.
And she says, with this completely innocent Ooops! look on her face: "You were still emptying out your basket." AND PROCEEDED TO CHECK HIM OUT.

I HAD SIX BLOODY ITEMS. They weren't large items! They weren't items you had to wrestle with!
All he had was a freaking bag of flour!
HIS a** COULD HAVE WAITED.

So I told her. It wasn't fair that she did that, I had been waiting patiently in line like everyone else, you didn't even ASKED me if he could go first, since he just had ONE BAG OF FLOUR, I feel insulted and I do not appreciate your behavior.

She completely ignored me, and the guy waltzed off to his car.

I really fcking hate people. Like, really.
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Public entry It shouldn't bother me! But it does. Guess I really DO care about what people think of me
August 24, 2013 @ 07:25:55 pm
And it shouldn't, because ITS NOT LIKE I KNOW THESE PEOPLE. But I'm slightly a people person, and I like to make everyone happy. I'm your tiny dancer, watch me DANCE, man!

But yeah.
I have been on another forum site for about 9 years. Theres like a blog entry aspect to the forum, so I have been able to post alot, mingle, you know, get to know folk. After 9 years, only so many people know that I exist (which is really saying much, because the community isn't that large) and the 'popular kids' called me dumb and bland. And the only reason they called me dumb, because of one comment I made years ago.

I mostly now just go there to lurk,(I think I have grown out of the place. The people are all mentally screwed, theres lots of petty fights, and the jokes.... ick, I get them, just don't find the insanely dry and elitist sense of humor to be funny anymore) but I definitely DO have an opinion, a very outspoken one, and I still get overlooked. Then called bland.
I am nowhere NEAR bland, I am a freaking tequila soaked party in your MOUTH! I am your cheerleader, and spirit queen!

I just feel slightly insulted, because you know.....nine years. Nine years of angst and boy problems.

I think the only reason why this is irking me is because I've had a s***ty week.

I
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Public entry Feeling a tiny teeny bit of pressure, here.
July 18, 2013 @ 08:14:42 pm
No. No no no no no.
I want to get OUT of the south, not go further IN to it.
When I think of Alabama, the images that are conjured are not too positive. I don't want to spend any part of my life there. Ever.

But my boyfriend is moving there soon. And he wants me to come down with him, leave WSU, enroll in to the university in Mobile, and we'll move in together. He told me not to just immediately diss the idea, and I said I wouldn't. But I already have. Lol.

And again, last night, he brought it up. I just kind've nodded. :-/
I can't do it, I'm sorry. Nope.
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Public entry OMG, how did he know! its like he's leeching information out of my head!
April 23, 2013 @ 06:56:48 pm
He's right. I've been feeling iffy about him for the past 3-4 days..

I'm not dating anyone.
But I definitely am in a weird relationship. Which is becoming increasingly more so on his end. For instance, the L word is beginning to pop up.

I like him. But he has hurt me years before. So I'm wary of that.

Plus....I wish he was a little more, er, aggressive in, ahem, bed. He likes to cuddle more than most girls would like to.

I feel selfish.
And confused.
And afraid.
And I wish I could just be alone from everyone for a few days.
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Public entry I feel weird today
April 04, 2013 @ 04:21:24 pm
I just don't feel up to doing anything but just lay here and watch Peoples Court.

No one's texting me, or calling me (which is really really strange) my mom is gone.
Theres dishes in the sink, and its Thursday which is the day I clean all the bathrooms. But I just don't feel up for it.

I'm boring.
Ever since graduation, I have had NO kind of life. I was supposed to be in Washington, but guess whaaaat? I'm here.

I really have no clue what to do with myself until September. I feel sorta lost, really.


I swear, this entry was not supposed to be this emo. :p
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