So, I have a story for you. It was last Tuesday night around 11 pm and I was in my kitchen watching a re-run of Son of the Beach on the internet (it's official...I am a loser). Suddenly my door bell rang. I freaked out a little because it was 11, so I peeked out the kitchen window (which faces the front door) and there was nobody there. So I figured it was some neighborhood kids being stupid. So I went back to my show and about a minute later, it rang again. I looked again and nobody was there. So I decided to check my windows to make sure they were all locked, just in case someone was casing out my house. I walked around and started checking all the windows when my doorbell rang again. I decided to get my gun and continue checking the windows. By this time, of course, my blood pressure is elevated and I can hear my heartbeat. I'm in the living room and the doorbell rings again. My front door has frosted glass and ordinarily, when someone is ringing the doorbell, you can see a silhouette. I saw nothing, but heard the doorbell ring again. I was s***ting a house by this point. My gun was locked and loaded. My senses were heightened and any little noise made me jump three feet. I continued checking my windows and my process was to pull up on the window as hard as I could and if it didn't open, it was locked and I moved on to the next window. Well, I got to my living room and went to check a window that faces perhaps the darkest area around my house and pulled as hard as I could and the damn window flew open. I almost died of heart failure at that point because that meant I would have to pull up the blind to reach the window to close/lock it. All I could envision was that someone was going to be on the other side of the window with a hatchet. I quickly opened the blind and pulled the window down with my eyes closed and managed to lock the window. I finished checking the other windows but the doorbell kept ringing. At this point, I decided to see if maybe it was the doorbell itself that was malfunctioning. But logically, if the doorbell is malfunctioning, wouldn't it just not ring??? So I took it off the wall and wiggled the batteries (cuz that always works on the movies) and put it back on the wall. I went to my bedroom window to get a getter view point of my front door to catch the little bastards in the act when the doorbell rang again. I fully expected to see someone run away from the door, but nobody did. Apparently when you're scared, you start to think irrationally. I thought, "Maybe it's just a midget who rang the doorbell" or "maybe I blinked for too long and when my eyes were closed, the person ran." In any event, I was s***ting bricks. I even went there: "Maybe it's a f-ing ghost!!!" I quickly emailed my first sergeant with the scenario and asked him to check on me in the morning, in case the murderer/rapist/burglar who was trying to get in succeeded. Then I contemplated calling the cops but was concerned that they would take me away for being stupid. Imagine the phone call: "9-11 what is your emergency....Yes, someone's ringing my doorbell, can you please send the cops over here?" How stupid and insane would I have sounded???? So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and pulled the doorbell off the wall and took the batteries out of it. I thought to myself, "If that f-ing doorbell rings again, I'm outta here because doorbells don't ring without battery power." All was good and I decided to call it a night. It's around 11:30 by this point. I'm still scared so I decided to sleep with my gun in my hand (on safety, of course). At 11:38 my cell phone (which is charging in the kitchen) goes off. I just knew it was going to be one of those "You're gonna die in seven days" or "I know what you did last summer" phone calls. I put my gun back on "fire" and walked to the kitchen to check the phone. I know for sure I was shaking at this point. I picked up the phone and it was a text message that said, "Best f-ing hockey game I've ever seen!" and it was from my co-worker who had gone to the Flyers game that evening. WHEW!!!! I breathed a sigh of relief and laughed at myself for being so stupid. Then, my refrigerator decided at that exact moment to cycle on, making a loud noise that scared the s*** out of me beyond all comprehension. I turned around faster than John Wayne, with my gun pointed at the refrigerator and came thisclose to pulling the trigger before coming to my senses. Whew. Can you imagine that insurance claim?