I suppose that due to more unforseen circumstances I have to disappear once more. I have many things to discover on a self journey to find what my true purpose is and why I'm here.
I suppose I'm just here to give support to my friends whoever they are whether be 'net or local. I suppose I can empty my mind here one last time.
These are probably the vibes I give out
overly energetic
easily offended
open minded
pain in the butt!
always there (...even though not meant to be)
You can always add to the list feel free...
Anyway I hope you are doing well as I am fine for the moment.
I remember a song from seems like aeons ago... it sorta goes like this...
'Peace is flowing like a river, flowing out from you and me.
Out into the desert, setting all the captives free'
If I could ever work out what that was all about I'd let you know...Until then ..
Whooosh! That was me...Flying by! October 20, 2006 @ 04:37:36 pm
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How are you all? Well I hope. Due to the little hiccup in the other sites I'm modding I'm able to post a little here telling of my....Uh, whats it callled....insomnia...No thats not it.... Um.... Well, you get the gist of it... I'm doin' ok if anyone 'round these parts are interested and....Well thats it. See ya maybe...I gotta dash!
i've been in and out of tfs for quite some time... but it is only in tfs that i get to let out all my rants and raves in my life... here's another one...
i did an event for filipino-american installation artist by the name of paul pfieffer (he will be doing an art installation exhibit in wembley stadium in england, please watch out for it) in this project i met a guy named andrew. well he was one of my coordinators / production assistant at that time... (it started last august 19) well seemed that we both knew what we wanted at that time and to cut it short we grew close. many people around me started asking if he's like my bf or something close to it. i can't tell them anything cuz i really dunno what we're having at that time. all i knew was we are enjoying each other's company. time came when everybody was insisting that andrew has his thing for me. wel one of my so called big brother in the production wuld always tell me that he wouldn;t go out o his way only to be with me (my computer broke like around 10 in the evening and he was right in frnt of my doorstep firs thing in the morning, he also insists that i apply in the same company he's in, and the list goes on) at night i wonder why i keep on denying not only to the people around me but to myslef as well that nothing is really going on between the two of us. well maybe simply because he's not telling me anything and at the same time i dont wanna assume of whatever things that may relate the things happening between us into something deeper than friendship. i dunno if i was relieved or whatever when after the celebration of my bday (i celebrated it for 3 consecutive days) the last night of the celebratin actually he brought me home and the next day we we're just talking over the phone... and he just asked me if i notice all the attention that was thrown to me by him.. well it all started there... now he's courting me.. (and for the record, he's the first guy that i allowed to court me cuz i never believed in those stuff) well thats it for now.. more to come...
How stupid could I have been? I signed up to go to college over the summer so that I can skip the first semester this year. Ever since my post about finally going to college 2 months ago, I haven't been able to get online. My prufessors have laiden me down with homework for the past 2 months that I can't get on to talk to you guys. I've been having to stay up almost all night just so I can skip a semester and graduate earlier. This has seriously a waste of time.
At least it hasn't been a total loss. I'm doing 10 times better than I did in high school. I have a GPA of 3.2 now. Its just the stupid homework, I can't remember anything that I was taught in high school.
I should have listened to my teachers. They warned me that college wasn't going to be easy, and I better remember everything they taught me because I'm not going to be taught the same thing again.
If only I could go back to high school, relearn everything.
it's been five months since we talked. so much time has passed. so may things have happened. people have come and gone in my life. and so was he. i learned to forgive. i leaned how to live without him by my side. i learned to make plans for myself. i learned how to focus on my work. after all these time that he wasn't there, i learned to appreciate other things. i learned from the people around me. from myself. from my own experiences. i learned to trust myslef once more. i learned that one day i could love once again. i learned that i could be happy even without him. i learned that life goes on. i learned... or so i thought.
how could one single text message change all of that? how could i forget all that i learned? how could i forget that once, this man have caused alot of damage into my life. into my whole being? how could just one message made me forget all those?
now i'm back. back to where i found myself a few months back.
distraught...
hurtin....
unable to trust...
feelin useless...
lost....
why?
why did he come back? why does he have to do this?
why....
Isn't it weird how we all strive for some semblance of order in our daily lives, only to find that the concept is ridiculously foreign? I mean, I've always tried to make sense of my behaviour and feelings, but have never achieved what I set out to do. Every summer I've made lists upons lists of things I need to do over the two-three months of break. Rarely, if ever, I actually emerged in the fall feeling accomplished. I suppose it's that way with a lot of people.
All right gents, and more importantly...ladies I'm outta here, it's quater past 5 and i have trouble to make, and flirting to get done Have a good day/afternoon/night depending on where in the world you are
its 1240am
btw...IM BACK !!!! and ready to partyyyyyy!!! 
I'm outta here, it's quater past 5 and i have trouble to make, and flirting to get done 
Have a good day/afternoon/night depending on where in the world you are 
