 Chyna
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Thomasville, Georgia
Joined: Nov 2018 |
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Cpat92
It's all or nothing
|  Have You Ever
July 07, 2013 @ 08:44:38 pm| 0 |  |
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| Looked at yourself in complete and utter disgust? Blame your personality of physical appearance for shortcomings and things you can't control? Have you ever done things that are in your mind unforgivable, but you keep it a dark secret and it becomes a skeleton in your closet? Do you have demons where your skeletons once resided? Did you find yourself pathetic? Can you answer these questions?
I can. I'm now fighting to make changes in order to make myself feel better. If I'm not happy, I used to just try to make others happy. Didn't fully think about making me happy. Can't go through that any longer.3 comments | Reply |
Cpat92
It's all or nothing
| Care Too Much
July 07, 2013 @ 07:17:42 am| 0 | |
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| | Why do I care too much. When it comes to me possibly liking someone or I just end up falling for them, I tend care and sometimes when they notice, they walk all over me. I told myself I wouldn't care about trying to date people, but it's a little hard to not care. My friend is trying to play "matchmaker" with me and a girl I work with. So far he told her I think she's cute and I guess her immediate response was why am I so quiet or why am I so shy at work. It's work. I don't like talking at work sometimes and I'm still new. She's cute and a nice person, but I kind of feel she isn't so into me, but she might be into him. Life sucks. 10 comments | Reply |
Cpat92
It's all or nothing
| Screw It
July 02, 2013 @ 04:50:02 am| 0 | |
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| | I'm tired of the "single life" shenanigans I'm putting myself through. It has done nothing, but add unwanted stress and waste time. I am going to simply enjoy being me and being with me. Life is too short to be looking for someone to date all the time. True if you wait the opportunity will pass you by, but looking without any success is a complete waste of time. It only builds disappointment. I might end up being single for the rest of the year. Who knows? I don't care much anymore. Even though I'm ending those dating sites. I might start one more to be safe. 3 comments | Reply |
Cpat92
It's all or nothing
| In My MIND
June 22, 2013 @ 11:47:25 pm| 0 | |
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| Words, sentences, phrases.
All coming from my heart
My mind and others' praises.
Killing my softly
Raising me up only to
Leave me in a loop
Staring at the black hole
Searching for answers;
Answers that refuse to appear
Got my mind raging.
Screaming for me to let them out.
How can I?
How should I?
Why would I?
Will the answers come out?
Will they lead me straight,
Or shall I go astray?Reply |
Cpat92
It's all or nothing
| Saved Myself (Kind Of)
September 19, 2012 @ 02:53:30 pm| 0 | |
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| | Well I managed to put both my loan payments and my other payment that I owe to Directv on hold until I come home in December. They won't kill my pockets at all while I'm away. I'm still $20 in debt due to some unexpected payments. I'm probably going to end my payments for Zune and Netflix until I return. In total those will take about 17 bucks out of my account a month. Don't have money to have them take any out so...... I kind of saved myself. If I am not mistaken, TD bank won't take money out of my account for the overdraft fee until I bring my money back to a decent amount. You live and you learn I guess. Reply |
Cpat92
It's all or nothing
| Unexpected
September 04, 2012 @ 08:04:34 pm| 0 | |
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| | Well, this feeling I now have is unexpected. To start things off I had a really good weekend in NJ. Got to hang out with my cousin and the Pastor's son (who is a childhood friend of mine) and we went to NY. We went to J'ouvert and saw the Labor Day Parade. Got to see my older sister and father. I also got to job search. I already filled out and brought in/submitted multiple job applications with more being filled out. Today we are heading back to Massachusetts and I didn't want to leave at all. So far in NJ, even though it is usually boring, I don't go through drama, I don't have to worry about if someone likes me or not or is a true friend. People there love me for me. I'm still observing my friends and I don't know who is true or not. I used to be neutral, but now I cant wait to move. 10 comments | Reply |
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I want to be at 156lbs the heaviest by my birthday. Might be impossible, might not. That is 8lbs for me to lose in the next 2 weeks.... Thirteen days to be exact. I am starting to run more, eat less junk, eat less period, more fruit and vegetables, less pork and beef. I want to lose weight. I have 3 different types of thermogenic pills. I only take two of them. (might not be safe) I have some stuff to clean out my system and I also have some meal replacement. I just don't have a blender. I also have Gatorade and Water. No more soda for me! I'm trying to get motivated to work out twice a day. Maybe three times a day.
That is money in my pocket!
I'm happy I don't have to work there, but I'm slowly kicking myself in the butt because I didn't do things correctly.