miscellaneous jokes

in a huge gymnasium, a woman who is sitting in chair and the three suiters, wants to marry her ! the woman told the three suiters, i will marry one of you ! one except - first one of you can bring me here, as many ping-pong balls, you can , i will marry you ! i wait for you, as long it take ! three years later, first suiter comes back with 5,000 ping-pong balls ! five years later, the second suiter comes back with one million ping-pong balls! 5 years ago, another 5 years ago, and the lady doesn't know where the three suiter is ? it's the 20 years years, the third suiter comes into the gymnasium, a truck with a flat platform attach to it. on the platform, it had the two huge balls that greasy and hairy on them, they tall as the ceiling ! the lady said to third suiter:" i told you that i want as many ping-pong balls, you can get ! " then the third suiter almost faint, and he finally said to her: " omgod, i thought you said king kong's balls ! "

the man in the desert, who really thirst, has walking and crawling out for weeks ! all sudden, he saw a man on a dune, about 100 feet away from him! the man crawl closer to the man, he saw the man had a table set in front of him. the man got craws closer to him, and the man stop, and he saw a sign in front of the table, and the sign said " ties for sales - two ties for $ 1.00 ! " so, the man crawl to the man and the table,and lift his body on top of the table. the thirsty man said to the man, "water, water !, i need water ! " then tie man said to the man; " i am very sorry, i don't have any water, just ties !" the thirsty man got off the man's table, and start crawling away. about an hour away, from a distance away, he looks down in the desert. he saw a huge beautiful tent set up ! so he crawl down to the tent, and a man with a tuxedo was in front of the tent ! the thirst man thought this tent is a restaurant, it will have a lot of water for me! the thirsty man crawls to the man, and grabs the legs and i beg him to let him in.!the man in the tuxedo looks down and said : " i am very sorry, but you need a tie to get in ! "

the same thirst man still craws around the desert, all sudden from a distance, he saw that a vending machine ! he thought that odd ! so he craw to the front of the vending machine, and the machine said " free green milk " ! he press the the button and a cup come down to the opening of the machine, and this green slime come down to fill the cup up, and the man drink and he thought this not bad ! so about 10 cups later, he pretty fill up, and now, he wondering what it is this " green slime " that taste so good ! so he craws back to the back of the machine, and he found his answer : a pigmy with two straws up his nose !

I was worried these may be jokes about me when I read the title.

im sure we can come up with something to accomodate you

Ok, but no camel spider references

ok i promoise



oooops where did this come from ? i swear it was an accident

eeeek.




Oh Lordy you are mean, I hope it somehow finds its way to Alaska and bites you on the bum!

awwwww but they are so cute

a dog was lipping into a bar, and heading for the bartender, and the dog jump up to the bar ! the bartender said to the dog; " what happen to you ?, you don't look so well ! " the dog said; " someone just shot my paw !"

what the difference "ooh " and "ouch " ?

an inch!

not said, i come from a ugly family, all right, yes, i am ! you want how ugly my family is ! we so ugly that in our family photo albums, we put our negetives in the albums, not pictures ! how ugly, my family is !

what do you know get when you cross darth vader's son with a
hamburger ?

the luke skywhopper

a man walks into a pyschiatrist office, and he sit and wait for the doctor to see him ! so, the secretary told the man go in ! and then the man goes in sit in front of the doctor, and the doctor said : " how can i help you ?" the man said : " everybody doesn't notice me that i am like invisible to them, nobody listen to me ! " and then the doctor look up and away from the man , he looks at his door and said : " next ? "