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fallenangel

Talkin 2 mat on the phone, Uni

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:01:16

I am really confused. Everybody keeps telling me to end the relationship I have with my boyfriend because he is abusing me, but I don't think he is.

Every so often he will start play fighting with me...and yes he does get a bit rough but he's a guy so he is bound to be rough. He has bruised me before but it was an accident. Since I have gotten pregnant though he has stopped punching and being rough.

He does call me stupid and other names but that's just because he is upset about me being pregnant and he needs to let it out.

I did listen to everyone before and I tried to leave and when it came down to it I couldn't because I do love him. He said he was sorry and it would kill him if I ever left so he does love me.

Pepople say it's abuse but they can't see why he does the things he does...he doesn't do it on purpose. But I really am confused and can't see straight.

rain

, United Kingdom

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:16:35

It could could be classed as mental abuse if he keeps putting you down, telling you you're stupid etc. I appreciate he says sorry...... but then again they always do! until next time and the next time. He sounds like he doesn't respect you, personally i wouldn't be happy living in your situation, but it's your life so only you can make the right decision for yourself. Goodluck with whatever you decide

steraw04

Toronto, Canada

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:20:55

abuse is a hard term to take on board for any situation... but letting him hurt you/call you stupid just because he's a guy or cos thats how he is shouldnt be allowed!

well... he may need to let it out but on the person he should be in love with? the person who he should be trying to reassure?

oh...and love doesnt last forever.

your situation sounds very difficult. I hope it all works out as you want it to in the end.

webslinger14

vancouver, Canada

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:24:19

From what you are saying he's definitely abusing you verbally, think about it! I guess it's time to live your life without him!

redglitter

a small rivertown in Arizona,

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:45:42

Wow, your excuses are classic. Let me break this down for you and I'm going to be perfectly straightforward about it. One woman to another:

He does call me stupid and other names but that's just because he is upset about me being pregnant and he needs to let it out.

************

Bulls***. Don't make another excuse for this behavior. He's upset about you being pregnant? Did he make you that way? Or did you get pregnant by yourself. What, he didn't feel like wearing a rubber so it's all your fault that you're pregnant? Please. He calls you stupid because he does not respect you. YOU the mother of his child. If you continue to put up with this, he won't stop at stupid, I guarantee it.

**************

I did listen to everyone before and I tried to leave and when it came down to it I couldn't because I do love him.

***************

How can you love someone who treats you so poorly? And how about respect? Surely you can't tell me you have respect for him when he treats you like garbage. Without mutual respect, you have nothing.

*****************

He said he was sorry and it would kill him if I ever left so he does love me.

***************

This is proof of his love for you? You're kidding yourself. You don't really know what love is, do you? This guy doesn't love you. He can't even love himself or else he would act like a man. Women who are battered and emotionally broken down always say "He didn't mean it. He just hits me because I make him mad." He doesn't want you to leave because he likes to control you. It makes him feel good to abuse you. This is sick.

***************

Pepople say it's abuse but they can't see why he does the things he does...he doesn't do it on purpose. But I really am confused and can't see straight.

*****************

Then let me help clear your vision: People tell you it's abuse because they can see what you so obviously don't want to. They're giving you the heads-up. Take it and run. You have a baby on the way and you're going to bring it into this situation? What happens when he beats the baby? If it's a girl you can bet she'll suffer the same garbage you are now. Is this what you want for your child? For it to grow up watching its mother be torn down? You are making excuses for this guy's actions and it's wrong. All the things you've said are classic examples of abuse and your excuses are classic denial. I'll tell you the truth. He's not going to change, not now and not when the baby comes. He has big problems that you can't fix. If you are a smart girl, you will leave him. I don't care if you are pregnant, leave him. Get a backbone and some self-respect and don't let anyone ever treat you like this again. Never!

I'll tell you something else: You already know how he treats you is wrong or you wouldn't be asking for help about it. Getthe heck out of this "relationship" while you still can and make a good life for yourself and your baby.

I may sound harsh but that's because I know what I'm talking about and because I'm angry that in this day and age, a young girl like you can actually think she deserves to be treated like sh*t. Get out of it while you can. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself and your baby everything.

Red Glitter

justvr

, Wallis and Futuna

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:46:56

Yep, thats abuse. Don't put up with it, you are not a punching bag or a target
for verbal abuse

elektrakosh

, United

Dec 05, 2005 @ 10:49:36

My mother and myself have been in a similar situation. It is verbal abuse and can start affecting you mentally making you withdrawn and feeling low. I suggest you leave him before it starts getting out of hand.

misunderstood

Persuasive Madam!

How about you come find me....

Dec 05, 2005 @ 11:32:13

@redglitter Said
Wow, your excuses are classic. Let me break this down for you and I'm going to be perfectly straightforward about it. One woman to another:

He does call me stupid and other names but that's just because he is upset about me being pregnant and he needs to let it out.

************

Bulls***. Don't make another excuse for this behavior. He's upset about you being pregnant? Did he make you that way? Or did you get pregnant by yourself. What, he didn't feel like wearing a rubber so it's all your fault that you're pregnant? Please. He calls you stupid because he does not respect you. YOU the mother of his child. If you continue to put up with this, he won't stop at stupid, I guarantee it.

**************

I did listen to everyone before and I tried to leave and when it came down to it I couldn't because I do love him.

***************

How can you love someone who treats you so poorly? And how about respect? Surely you can't tell me you have respect for him when he treats you like garbage. Without mutual respect, you have nothing.

*****************

He said he was sorry and it would kill him if I ever left so he does love me.

***************

This is proof of his love for you? You're kidding yourself. You don't really know what love is, do you? This guy doesn't love you. He can't even love himself or else he would act like a man. Women who are battered and emotionally broken down always say "He didn't mean it. He just hits me because I make him mad." He doesn't want you to leave because he likes to control you. It makes him feel good to abuse you. This is sick.

***************

Pepople say it's abuse but they can't see why he does the things he does...he doesn't do it on purpose. But I really am confused and can't see straight.

*****************

Then let me help clear your vision: People tell you it's abuse because they can see what you so obviously don't want to. They're giving you the heads-up. Take it and run. You have a baby on the way and you're going to bring it into this situation? What happens when he beats the baby? If it's a girl you can bet she'll suffer the same garbage you are now. Is this what you want for your child? For it to grow up watching its mother be torn down? You are making excuses for this guy's actions and it's wrong. All the things you've said are classic examples of abuse and your excuses are classic denial. I'll tell you the truth. He's not going to change, not now and not when the baby comes. He has big problems that you can't fix. If you are a smart girl, you will leave him. I don't care if you are pregnant, leave him. Get a backbone and some self-respect and don't let anyone ever treat you like this again. Never!

I'll tell you something else: You already know how he treats you is wrong or you wouldn't be asking for help about it. Getthe heck out of this "relationship" while you still can and make a good life for yourself and your baby.

I may sound harsh but that's because I know what I'm talking about and because I'm angry that in this day and age, a young girl like you can actually think she deserves to be treated like sh*t. Get out of it while you can. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself and your baby everything.

Red Glitter

Round of applause for this girl please!

I agree entirely, well put red glitter.

I really can't add to that other than to add emphasis to 'get out while you still can'

kahuna

Deleted

Dec 05, 2005 @ 11:33:36

yes it is abuse and mental abuse can take the longest to heal

you need to go and pack a bag, phone a taxi, get into it.... and GO! GO now

don't ever look back, because you deserve better and so does that baby

fallenangel

Talkin 2 mat on the phone, Uni

#10

Dec 05, 2005 @ 11:38:53

I know what you are saying makes sense, but I don't actually know how to do it. It's really hard. My emotions are all over the place and I just can't take any more. I want to get out but at the same time I don't because I'm scared.

kahuna

Deleted

#11

Dec 05, 2005 @ 11:42:44

Can you go back to your parents or can anyone put you up? if you've got a place to stay that's half the battle over

redglitter

a small rivertown in Arizona,

#12

Dec 05, 2005 @ 11:50:48

@fallenangel Said
I know what you are saying makes sense, but I don't actually know how to do it. It's really hard. My emotions are all over the place and I just can't take any more. I want to get out but at the same time I don't because I'm scared.

Well let's see.... do you have any family or friends who could give you a place to stay and/or would help you leave? Do you own a car so you could drive away? I noticed in your profile that your fear is being alone. I can appreciate that because it's a fear of mine too.

What exactly are you scared of?

kyahbean

Williamstown, Massachusetts

#13

Dec 05, 2005 @ 12:21:39

@fallenangel Said
He does call me stupid and other names but that's just because he is upset about me being pregnant and he needs to let it out.

This alone is abuse.

Name calling is not ok. Saying he needs to "let it out" is just an excuse for him to be able to continue doing what he is doing. It is wrong. Very wrong. And it will only get worse.

This is the first warning sign of abuse that can and probably will get worse over time.

Do not allow anyone to swear at you, call you names, or make you feel like you are less than what you are. Sometimes, if he is angry, he may say things, as all people do out of anger. But you should expect him to apologize, and if becomes a reapeated process, you need to not accept that from him. He needs to realize that it is NOT OK. He helped you make that baby...and he is just as responsible as you are. It takes two. He needs to be a man and realize that.

Be careful.

cinnamin

houston, Texas

#14

Dec 05, 2005 @ 12:55:29

@fallenangel Said
I am really confused. Everybody keeps telling me to end the relationship I have with my boyfriend because he is abusing me, but I don't think he is.

Every so often he will start play fighting with me...and yes he does get a bit rough but he's a guy so he is bound to be rough. He has bruised me before but it was an accident. Since I have gotten pregnant though he has stopped punching and being rough.

He does call me stupid and other names but that's just because he is upset about me being pregnant and he needs to lett. it out

I did listen to everyone before and I tried to leave and when it came down to it I couldn't because I do love him. He said he was sorry and it would kill him if I ever left so he does love me.

Pepople say it's abuse but they can't see why he does the things he does...he doesn't do it on purpose. But I really am confused and can't see straight.

Angel, I said it before, and I'll say it again.
You already know the answer to this question.
You are a bright and lovely girl that happens to be pregnant.
On the general chat thread you claimed he slapped you just the other day.
ANY man that lays his hands on a woman is not a real man.
In your current situation, you don't NEED a man, but if you have to have one, you need to get a REAL one.
Make this dude understand what he's done IS abusive, and if he does it again, LEAVE HIM for the sake of you and your child.
You are full of the typical excuses a girl who thinks they are in love will say.
The behavior you are describing has very little to do with love, and alot to do with low self esteem, wich everyone has at one point or another in their life.

kyahbean

Williamstown, Massachusetts

#15

Dec 05, 2005 @ 13:16:28

Cinnamon is right, fallen. If he hit you...you need to leave. NOW. If he hits you, or has ever, he can and WILL hit that baby of yours. And you allowing him to get away with it now is paving his way to make it easier in the future.

Edited: December 05, 2005 @ 13:16

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