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heaven or hell "please comment"

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do u like this poem
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jonkers On April 26, 2012




brick, New Jersey
#1New Post! Apr 18, 2009 @ 10:40:20
a once fragil face that cried tears
is now gone wasted away but the countless years
the once lake of tears that formed on the ground
dried with remorese of pain is no longer around
a once pleantlful soul took home in this heart
but the souls gone hell even my hearts grown apart
looking back on this wasted man ive become
sitting here looking back on all ive done
an afterlife of easy days i have planned
only to show to the gates and told its in my hand
told by himself to take a look at what ive done
not to come back untill ive choosen one
how can you be asked where do u think you belong
and told to think real hard cause you dont want to be wrong
so does that mean im to choose for me the best
though hevens the place i want to be like all the rest
but if i say heven and am meant for hell
does it mean im going and at my choice i fail
but how can a person really believe thats true
if hell is even the place would you choose it for you
hope On March 17, 2015




haifa, Israel
#2New Post! Apr 18, 2009 @ 10:44:37
it's very profound poem.
Very good.
xnuvax On April 06, 2010

Deleted



SYDNEY, Australia
#3New Post! Apr 18, 2009 @ 10:55:13
Beautifully written and your ideas are expressed very eloquently.
spadge On February 18, 2010
Aging Disgracefully


Deleted



Santa Land, United Kingdom
#4New Post! Apr 18, 2009 @ 11:07:22
Well thought out.
karljkampovsky On May 13, 2009

Deleted



undisclosed location,
#5New Post! Apr 18, 2009 @ 11:11:22
It's the thought that counts!(pardon the cliche)
loveis On January 15, 2010
brat-inella


Deleted



In the mirror,
#6New Post! Apr 19, 2009 @ 05:29:18
Deep stuff...I'm amazed at how you put that together...very well done.
Octavarium On December 23, 2021




Pacific North West,
#7New Post! Apr 19, 2009 @ 09:07:54
Alright, let me say at the start that I think it's this is a good peice, I like it. There's an excellent idea and questioning and a good follow through of that thought. And good play of words that add to the journying quest of thought.
The only comment of constructive analysis I have is there were a few points where flow was locked up a bit and I had to stop on in order to understand exactly what was meant or being said. Lines 6 and 10 got me a little tossed for a moment. I see what your saying, what you mean, it just took a little more studying in context with the surrounding lines to understand.
Overall a strong peice of work though. Very good.
trustingsoul On May 07, 2009

Deleted



anywhere, Pennsylvania
#8New Post! Apr 19, 2009 @ 09:19:27
@Octavarium Said

Alright, let me say at the start that I think it's this is a good peice, I like it. There's an excellent idea and questioning and a good follow through of that thought. And good play of words that add to the journying quest of thought.
The only comment of constructive analysis I have is there were a few points where flow was locked up a bit and I had to stop on in order to understand exactly what was meant or being said. Lines 6 and 10 got me a little tossed for a moment. I see what your saying, what you mean, it just took a little more studying in context with the surrounding lines to understand.
Overall a strong peice of work though. Very good.

I can agree with that,some tweeking would be helpful. This is an unusual style.
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