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does the hurt ever stop?

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freebird06 On February 01, 2008

lisburn, United Kingdom
#1New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 10:49:00
hi all, im new here and need some advice if thats ok?.

I have been with my man for almost five years, and we are happy. i love him a lot and im almost sure i am getting ready to take things further with marriage, theres just one thing in our past that is on my mind.
Im from the north west of england, he is from northern ireland, and at the start we had a long distance relationship,for the first year.
after six months together (long distance) he called me one night in tears to tell me he had slept with someone from work,i put the phone down and ignored him for 4 months.although we hadnt been together that long it hurt me bad, apart from anything else i had known him as a friend for years.
one day he showed up on my doorstep, he had gotten a flight over because he felt like we needed to talk.
we talked all weekend, and decided to give it a go, we took things slow, and slowly things got better.
now, almost four and a half years later, its like nothing happened. we became closer, we developed a bond, we moved in together, he had my name tattoo`ed onto his arm, etc.
the thing that is bothering me is the fact that i still think about what he did, when it comes into my head i kind of push him away emotionally. it probably doesnt help that this woman still works in the same office as my hubby, dont get me wrong, i trust him again now, but im still hurt, does it ever go away?
markfox01 On October 29, 2018

Welshman in Brum.., United Kin
#2New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 10:53:47
yes it will if you think positive about him, what he did is bad, but i think ts best left in the past. We all hold on too the bad things that happen to us for a strange reason. this guy obviously loves you, dont worry, move on and have a good life.
treebee On April 13, 2015
Government Hooker


London, United Kingdom
#3New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 10:54:47
Oh dear, you have to let it go. We all make stupid mistakes and im sure if he could go back in time he wouldnt have slept with that person.

If you agree to forgive someone, thats it, you forgive them. You cannot bring it back up, you cannot throw it in thier face every time you disagree. (not that im saying you do that)

You have every right to discuss how you feel with him, but you are gonna have to make it the last time and drop it for life.

If you cannot forget, then maybe you havent entirely forgiven him.

Has he been a good partner ever since?

If so then look at the time you have had since then. Why do you suddenly feel insecure about this thing from the past?
idiotsonofanasshole On May 02, 2007

Why the f*** does Scotland hav
#4New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 10:56:57
accoriding to my ex girlfriend it doesnt go away. we went for 3 years and i cheated on her right at the start of the relationship but even today she still says it hurts that i cheated on her!! and we broke up 3and 1/2 years ago.
ab176 On June 18, 2006

brisbane, Australia
#5New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:12:52
cheating is a huge issue hey? my bf was cheated on in his past 2 relationships prior to me, and he is so insecure about it still, he implies that i cheat on him all the time (and i dont) so i guess the hurt goes away for some when you can accept that it happened and i agree with treebe, sometimes you have to take the risk and trust someone because you cant expect to love with out being hurt
young_nick On December 11, 2010
The Dude

Auckland, New Zealand
#6New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:20:16
mmm, there's not much I can add, mark and treeb mentioned everything I would have said...
but yeah, in general, 4 and a half years later, he obviously loves you a lot and is (as he was at the time) deeply sorry for what he did.

The fact that he got a flight to visit you all that time ago shows that he's serious about your he will regret what he did.
macky On May 24, 2007


Thomastown, Ireland
#7New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:21:57
once a cheat always a cheat fullstop!
treebee On April 13, 2015
Government Hooker


London, United Kingdom
#8New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:37:34
@macky Said
once a cheat always a cheat fullstop!

i disagree Macky, especially if its early days of a relationship. Sometimes it takes a lot for you to realise how you actually feel about someone.

I know guys who dont even realise they are in love until they have cheated and feel so damn bad and wrong, they realise what they actually do have.

Whether they are ever forgiven is another matter.
taintedblue_i On August 12, 2008

--------, United Kingdom
#9New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:41:26
I've been in a aimilar situation before (a more teenage version) and it still hurts but you learn to live with it
BabyRS On February 14, 2015

, Singapore
#10New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:43:18
In my opinion, (and this is just for me, I can't speak for all) the hurt never really goes away. However, it does get better with time.

It's hard to let go when you've been with someone for quite some time, when you know how long that the person takes in the toilet, when you're used to having someone next to you on bed, when you are so used at his peculiar peccadilloes and habits that anyone else having the same traits will be immediately associated with him. Suddenly the bed feels too large, everything feels 'empty', and loneliness eats you up. Even though you may realize that its for the best, we can't bottle up all that has happened in the amount of time that we've been together and throw it away, never to feel it again.

We're all humans, with the ability to feel, to love, to hurt; and to feel pain, sadness, joy and laughter acutely. There will be times when a certain scent, or a place, will trigger off an onslaught of memories and emotions... and as long as the hurt is still fresh, it will assail you over and over again.

But we get through things... we move on, we learn to let go. Give yourself some time. These few months (or even years) will not be easy, but it will get better in time. It will stop hurting you the way it does now - and all that will be left, are just the memories of what used to be. Hopefully, when that happens, you can look back with a smile on all the good things that used to be - rather than how it's like now.

We never forget, and there will always be that 'twinge', but over time, it won't hurt as bad.
markfox01 On October 29, 2018

Welshman in Brum.., United Kin
#11New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 11:45:53
On a reaction to that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...
WildChild On February 16, 2013
Perv Magnet

Southern Middle, Tennessee
#12New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 13:02:19
Hey we all screw up from time to time even me and hell I'm as close to perfect as you'll ever find. ( J/K) You have to let the past be the past and work on the future. HOlding on to things that happened in the past will only eat away at you as well as your relationship with this guy.

I know it hurts but you just have to grit your teeth and get on with your life.
babygirltigers On June 19, 2006

SYDNEY, Australia
#13New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 13:03:52
no you will allways know that he hurt you and that its there but youll get ova it
david33 On August 20, 2007

London, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Jun 15, 2006 @ 13:03:52
Time Heals everything, its the best medicine ever
becki7 On July 28, 2006

#15New Post! Jun 16, 2006 @ 13:48:06
Look its hard to forget but look at least he had the decency to ring you up and tell you and it sounds like your prince charming so whats the problem?Are you worry that he'll do it again? It seems like to me that if he has been with you for 5years doesn't that they say something in itself?Look if it happens again well you will have to deal with it whether it would be forgive him or leave him but it doesn't sound like he'll do it again.
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