advice needed.

Wollongong, Australia

Nov 27, 2010 @ 01:03:08

Me and my girl have been together for a few months now and with some things are so similar and on other topics we are completely different. When it comes to affection and spending time together we have our main difference.

I am alot younger than her, and I like to have affection and a few txts a day etc, whereas she is the complete opposite and is happy to go a few days without talking to me. To make my situation worse we live just over an hour away from each other so seeing each other is difficult depending on work and uni etc.

I feel like I am not being treated fairly in regards to I am not getting what i want out of the relationship. I have brought it up before and she kind of fobs me off, so now I don't know what to do.

a part of me does not want to leave her because I care so much about her and sometimes she is perfect, but the other half of the time I am not getting anything I need from her.

do I stay and put up with it or leave and find someone better for me?

0

Dark_Tink

<3 Boobie <3

, Canada

#2

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:07:03

Being that you have talked to her about how you're feeling and wanting a change for the better in your relationship and she still does nothing, I'd say it's time to say "Goodbye".

Unless you want to let her know again how you feel. Then, if she still does nothing, end it.

0

vekta

,

#3

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:14:06

I'm curious to know how exactly you presented your feelings to her. What we men don't realize is the language we use can sometimes be perceived as an accusation, or verbally aggressive. Saying "I'm not getting what I want" may not be the best way to get your feelings across. Communication has to be a two way street presented in a non-aggressive manner to be more effective.

0

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#4

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:15:01

I agree with Dark TInk.

Differences in a relationship don't have to mean the end, often they make it more interesting. But there are a few core things that need to be compatible, and if they aren't, it spells doom. How you like to communicate is one of those things. Someone who likes to go days without contact is often not a great match for someone who needs much more, as you are seeing for yourself.

Don't feel guilty about it. Sometimes relationships don't work out, it doesn't have to be an insult to the other person, it just means that it isn't the best pairing, and you can move on without guilt or ill feelings for one another. Sometimes relationships that end over this type of incompatibility can result in great friendships. I have an ex like this - we had some incompatibilities that were insurmountable for a relationship, but he's now one of my really great friends.

0

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#5

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:15:58

@vekta Said

I'm curious to know how exactly you presented your feelings to her. What we men don't realize is the language we use can sometimes be perceived as an accusation, or verbally aggressive. Saying "I'm not getting what I want" may not be the best way to get your feelings across. Communication has to be a two way street presented in a non-aggressive manner to be more effective.

While I do agree with you in that how we communicate a need being very critical, no matter how he presents this issue if she is someone who simply does not enjoy the daily contact the way he does, it will be difficult to change. She can try to meet him halfway but once a real comfort zone kicks in, most people tend to migrate back to their natural borne tendencies.

I do agree, however, that if he hasn't communicated this in a very clear and non confrontational manner it might be best to try that first before tossing in the towel.

2

Edited: November 27, 2010 @ 02:17

vekta

,

#6

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:17:33

@GSnap Said

While I do agree with you in that how we communicate a need being very critical, no matter how he presents this issue if she is someone who simply does not enjoy the daily contact the way he does, it will be difficult to change. She can try to meet him halfway but once a real comfort zone kicks in, most people tend to migrate back to their natural born tendencies.

Yes, that's true. Hopefully the OP will come back at some point and give us more details.

0

Wingsy

wingsdillialicious!

Moderator

Wingsville,

#7

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:18:23

Relationships are a complete waste of time. You're better off on your own anyway

1

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#8

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:20:02

@vekta Said

Yes, that's true. Hopefully the OP will come back at some point and give us more details.

Agreed.

All too often people communicate their needs in a very confrontational manner and there is no way anyone is going to gain any ground like that.

But I have seen a lot of couples try to patch things up time and time again when the issue is communication gaps and it is difficult to mend because we by nature have a need, or not, to communicate with a partner. Those who need very little don't usually do very well with those who need much more.

I know all too well as a relationship of my own ended for this reason, and there were no hard feelings, we realized it was just a compatibility issue.

0

horny_lil_devil

Wollongong, Australia

#9

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:29:07

@vekta Said

I'm curious to know how exactly you presented your feelings to her. What we men don't realize is the language we use can sometimes be perceived as an accusation, or verbally aggressive. Saying "I'm not getting what I want" may not be the best way to get your feelings across. Communication has to be a two way street presented in a non-aggressive manner to be more effective.

when you say "we men" do you think I am a guy? lol

I have explained to her how I feel, and she just does her own thing. because its "what she needs" half the time I don't even feel like I am in a relationship. its just all so blah.
I think regretfully it is time to call it quits.

0

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#10

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:33:07

@horny_lil_devil Said

when you say "we men" do you think I am a guy? lol

I have explained to her how I feel, and she just does her own thing. because its "what she needs" half the time I don't even feel like I am in a relationship. its just all so blah.
I think regretfully it is time to call it quits.

I assumed you were a guy as well, and that was my bad! I should not have assumed that.

0

vekta

,

#11

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:42:45

oops

Either way communication style is still important.

Kind interesting though there are some guys that are more like women mentally and women that are more like guys mentally. I guess we're all guilty of assuming things are a certain way because of the gender roles we have all grown up with as norms.

0

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#12

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:46:54

@vekta Said

oops

Either way communication style is still important.

I agree. YOu can remove all gender roles in our posts and they still apply.

0

Edited: November 27, 2010 @ 02:47

lil_bear01

Deleted

In my igloo, Canada

#13

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:56:04

My best friend and her husband are exactly the same.

She doesn't like to huggie, huggie and the touchy feely type relationship whereas her hubby loves it all the time.

They found this out in 'marriage counseling'.

Now, she is being all touchy feely with him and he loves it 'but' she doesn't like it too much because it's not part of her make-up.

She is going against who she is to please him and make their relationship work but to what end??

She is not happy having to force herself to do this anymore and it's starting to show. She can't change what she is and what she doesn't like because she is told that her hubby loves it.

To me, either you're like that or you're not. To try to pretend you like doing something you don't for the other is an effort that shouldn't be an effort and already there is one problem in the relationship.

Either you compromise to some level where both are comfortable and satisfies you BOTH or drop the facade because facades are just that 'facades' and they eventually crumble and it will fail.

Good Luck! If it doesn't click, don't force it to click!!!

2

GSnap

Over the Rainbow,

#14

Nov 27, 2010 @ 02:57:54

@lil_bear01 Said

My best friend and her husband are exactly the same.

She doesn't like to huggie, huggie and the touchy feely type relationship whereas her hubby loves it all the time.

They found this out in 'marriage counseling'.

Now, she is being all touchy feely with him and he loves it 'but' she doesn't like it too much because it's not part of her make-up.

She is going against who she is to please him and make their relationship work but to what end??

She is not happy having to force herself to do this anymore and it's starting to show. She can't change what she is and what she doesn't like because she is told that her hubby loves it.

To me, either you're like that or you're not. To try to pretend you like doing something you don't for the other is an effort that shouldn't be an effort and already there is one problem in the relationship.

Either you compromise to some level where both are comfortable and satisfies you BOTH or drop the facade because facades are just that 'facades' and they eventually crumble and it will fail.

Good Luck! If it doesn't click, don't force it to click!!!

EXACTLY! Awesome example of this in action.

1

TenaciousDave

The Anus Of Satan

Jeffrey Dahmer's Lunchbox,

#15

Nov 27, 2010 @ 03:35:15

There's a killer in the house! There's ass, blood, and guts everywhere!

0

Similar Topics
	Forum	Topic	Last Post	Replies	Views
	Politics	Time to leave Afganistan?	Mon Mar 05, 2012 @ 22:35	25	1459
	Politics	Time to leave Iraq and Afghanistan	Sun Apr 03, 2011 @ 21:34	3	903
	Politics	Time to leave the Mideast	Fri Nov 19, 2010 @ 19:07	10	559
	Society & Lifestyles	Can spending too much time on the computer make you lose your creativity?	Thu May 20, 2010 @ 05:33	19	4353
	Random	its time to put on make up its time to light the lights	Mon May 01, 2006 @ 18:13	5	1308

Breaking Up