a poem what i wrote

FIBROUS LOVE

PLEASE BE MY HAIRY WHEATABIX
YOU FURRY BIX OF WHEAT
I LOVE YOU, RANCID CEREAL
YOU?RE REALLY UP MY STREET

I?VE KEPT YOU ROUND FOR SO VERY LONG
YOUR MILK IS TURNING GREEN
BUT FLOATING IN YOUR LURGIED BATH
YOU?RE THE CUTEST THAT I?VE SEEN

DON?T GIVE ME MOULDY CORNFLAKES
THERE?S NO CEREAL CAN COMPARE
TO A LOVELY LITTLE WHEATABIX
GREEN AND GROWING HAIR

And another

FAKE

FOUR SIZES TOO SMALL
YOU?RE TRULY MUTTON DRESSED?
EVERYBODY?S LOOKING
BUT NOT COS THEY?RE IMPRESSED

YOU?RE DOWSED IN HAIRSPRAY
YOU?VE TROWELED ON SLAP
COLOURED IN THE GREY PATCH
AND CLOSED THE DENTAL GAP

FULL SUPPORT BENEATH YOUR CLOTHES
WITH BOTOX ON THE BROW
WAITING LIST FOR BLOWN UP TITS
YOU LYING, OLD, FAT COW?.

pmsl

Like the second one fella.

Might not be one to recite in my local pub though - that describes most of the clientelle (And that includes some of the guys too )

and another

PISSING BLEACH

IT BURNS WHEN I PEE
BUT IT?S CLEANING THE BOWL
BUT I FEAR THAT MY HOSE
WON?T LAST TILL I?M OLD
AND I?M STARTING TO FEAR
WHAT?S YET TO COME??
FOR I'VE FRESHENER BRIQUETTES
STILL STUCK UP MY BUM

nice

nearly done....

PRETEND BEST FRIEND

STEAL ALL MY FRIENDS
I DON?T REALLY CARE
THEY?RE ONLY PRETEND
THEY?RE NOT REALLY THERE

INVITE THEM TO PARTIES
TELL THEM I?M DEAD
THEY PROBABLY WON?T COME
THEY?RE ALL IN MY HEAD

BATHROOM BLUES

YOUR USED BEDPAN KEEPS ME WARM AT NIGHT
IT?S JUST A SHAME IT?S FILLED WITH s***E
I HUDDLE CLOSE BUT HOLD MY NOSE
CRYING HARD, DRESSED IN YOUR CLOTHES
I?D CLEAN IT OUT, I?D RINSE THE POO
ALAS IT?S ALL I?VE LEFT OF YOU

ah

GIRL IN A HOLE

?HELP! I'M A GIRL IN A HOLE,? SAID THE GIRL IN THE HOLE...
?I FELL IN WHEN IT RAINED AND THE SIDES ARE ALL WET
I NEED THE LOO AND I'M HUNGRY,
MY CAT'S AT THE VET?

?PLEASE HELP! ! ! ? SCREAMED THE GIRL IN THE HOLE...
?I FELL ON MY HANDS AND I'VE BROKEN MY NAILS
I'M SQUEAMISH AND SOGGY,
I'M SURROUNDED BY SNAILS?

?I'M DROWNING! ! ! ?WAILED THE GIRL IN THE HOLE...
?I'M SWALLOWING WATER, I'M CATCHING MY DEATH
I'M SINKING I'M SINKING
I'M ALL OUT OF BREATH . . . . . . . . . .?

kudos for each

ALL CLOWNS ARE EVIL???

?TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE LAST AND ALL THROUGH THE TOWN
NO CREATURES WERE STIRRING EXCEPT FOR A CLOWN
HE?D CONSPIRED WITH HIS COMRADES ON A PLOT FAR TOO GRAND
THEY?D GO THE BEACHES AND STEAL ALL THE SAND
FROM BUILDERS AND CHILDREN AND THOSE TIMERS FOR EGGS
EACH GRAIN WAS THE ORDER OR LOSE BOTH YOUR LEGS

STILL IT?S NIGHT BEFORE LAST AND ALL CROSS THE LAND
THE CLOWNS ARE DEPRIVING THE PEOPLE OF SAND
SO HONKING AND SQUEAKING IN THERE RAMSHACKLE CARS
THEY WENT ABOUT EVIL WITH THAT THREAT OF DEEP SCARS
WITH BUCKETS AND SPADES THE COAST LINE THEY HORDE
TO PLACE IN THE CHAMBER OF THE CLOWNS EVIL LORD

ON THAT NIGHT BEFORE LAST AND JUST DOWN THE ROAD
THE CLOWNS THEY WERE HEAVING & HO?ING THE LAST LOAD
THEY WERE LAUGHING AND JOKING OF THEIR ILL-GOTTEN GAIN
WHEN OFF BLEW THEIR PROBLEM, A SINGLE FINE GRAIN
AWARE OF THEIR ORDERS AND THE TORTURE IN STORE
THEY SHUFFLED HOME QUIET AND EASED IN THE DOOR

?TWAS NEARLY THE MORN, PENDING PROPHESISED PAINS
THEY ALL SAT IN SILENCE, WHILE HE COUNTED THE GRAINS
WHEN ONE LESS WAS COUNTED, THE DARK LORD WAS IRATE
HE DEMANDED THE FAILURES BE SERVED ON HIS PLATE
THE ERRORFUL CLOWNS MADE A DASH FOR THE DOOR
BUT IN CLOWNS? LONG SHOES, ALL NOSES HIT FLOOR!

?TIS THE DAY AFTER NOW AT THE FUNERAL PYRE
THE REMAINS OF THE LETDOWNS ARE THROWN IN THE FIRE
DRAWN ON WITH THICK PAINT WERE THE CROCODILE TEARS
THIS POOR THOUGHT OUT PLAN WOULD BE FABLED FOR YEARS
?SO PLEASE PITY THE CLOWN AS HE PLAYS OUT HIS TRADE
OUT OF FEAR THAT HE DOES IT ELSE WITH BRETHREN HE?S LAID

MENWITHOUTFEET

I?M FOLLOWING THEM WITH THEIR UNGRACING WALK
THEY SHUFFLE AND SLIDE; THEY?RE NOT EASY TO STALK
I?M FOLLOWING THEM AS THEY MOVE DOWN THE STREET
THEY?RE COMING FOR YOU, THE MEN WITHOUT FEET

THEIR DIALECT CRASS, UNEASY TO SPEAK
UNCARING, UNLOVING THEY WEED OUT THE WEAK
A FORTRAL SUB CULTURE, A MODERN ELITE
THOSE FASHIONABLE PEOPLE, THE MEN WITHOUT FEET

THEY?LL TAKE OVER TOWN WITH NAVAL PRECISION
ORGANISED STREET THUGS, WITH LIGHTNING DECISION
THEY?RE COMING IN FORCE THEY?LL NEVER BE BEAT
THEY?RE LORDS OF THEIR LAND, THE MEN WITHOUT FEET

THEY DOUBLE AND DOUBLE AND DOUBLE TWICE MORE
THEIR VIRAL PROPORTIONS ARE INVADING THE SHORE
I?M FOLLOWING THEM AND TRYING TO MEET
THOSE IMPREGNABLE PEOPLE, THE MEN WITHOUT FEET

Done for now before you all tire of me...x x x